15 Vintage Dolls That Are Guaranteed To Give You NIGHTMARES!

15 Vintage Dolls That Are Guaranteed To Give You NIGHTMARES!

15 Vintage Dolls That Are Guaranteed To Give You NIGHTMARES!

Now, I think that most of us can all admit to having a childhood ‘dolly!’ Am I right?


Even you fellas out there! To me, dolls aren’t just about Barbie and Sindy, they’re universal, come in all shapes and sizes and are a relatively inexpensive toy option for a child, which usually makes said child very happy in the process! & Sweet, happy playdates ensue.

HOWEVER (& this is a big however, I can assure you…) sometimes dolls aren’t as sweet as they may seem…

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Hollywood Horror films haven’t helped matters with the whole ‘creepy, slightly homicidal doll’ thing, but an even scarier thought is that, even in real life, they definitely aren’t something from a happy childhood, no no, they’re more like something out of a grown adult’s full-blown nightmares!

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So… (just to f**k your day up a bit!) We’ve compiled a list of 15 vintage dolls that are basically the stuff of Satan’s own fiery toy shop.

I don’t think any children will be wanting these creepy little SOB’s in their Christmas stocking anytime soon!

Terrified? Intrigued? Then keep reading (if you dare!)

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1. Lazy Eye Larry

Well, I think his name is pretty self-explanatory. Although, I think there are other, more suitable names for him too. Homicidal Harry, maybe? Murderous Mick? Creepy Colin? Egregious Eric!? Yep, they’d totally fit too! *shudders*

2. Rat Faced Randall

I went to school with someone who looked like this horrible little pratt! & I’m not being mean really, as they theirselves, were in fact, a horrible little pratt! So it’s okay.
& If I was Rat, I’d be really offended right now, Rat’s are cute..and there’s nothing cute about this abomination!

3. Baby Two Face

Woah, for a minute, I was like ‘they DO KNOW that there’s a wrong reflection in the mirror!? Don’t they!?’
& Then I realised it’s actually the back of the doll’s head! WTF? Really!? Why would you want this!? It’s horrible!

4. The Stabby Sisters

Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really beginning to regret this!

5. Felicity Five Head

I’m a bit torn with this one, I think it’s the texture of the material/skin, makes it look almost ethereal. It kind of just looks like a sick child from the Victorian era that you should feel sorry for and look after, but in the back of my head, my brain is going ‘Nah, that sh*t is going to be appearing at the bottom of your bed tonight!’ Somebody drop kick it!

6. Crissy Crow’s Feet

Whereas ALL of my brain is in agreement with this one, this will be waiting for me for this evening. Yep no doubt about that, WHATSOEVER!

7. Watches You Sleep Willie

Thanks all the same, but Willie doesn’t need to watch me sleep if I want something to creepily stare at me while I’m asleep, my cat has already got that down…Willie can just go and GET IN THE BIN!! Where he belongs!

8. Lumpy Louis

This one looks more like the haunted, rather than the haunter. That face has definitely seen something that has been forever etched on its spooky face. I don’t want to know!

9. Gummy, The Toothless Clown

MOOOOOOOM!!!! I want my MOM!!!
Urgh, I can’t even look at this…I think being toothless is the least of its worries to be honest, gah!

10. Sammy Soul Eater

Oh my god, I think I just had a heart attack! GET IT IN THE F**KING BIN!! That freak isn’t just coming for my soul, it’s coming for my family bloodline, my cat and everything I hold dear! SAVE YOURSELVES! (WHILE YOU STILL CAN!)

11. Betsy Blood Drinker

This is a welcome relief compared to some of the others, to be honest! Although, she does look like she could turn evil on the touch of a button, however, I’m sure if we just keep feeding her people’s life energy to keep her happy…we should be fine!

12. Unimpressed Ursula

Again, a very welcome relief from the utter terror of some of the others. She just looks like you stole the last sausage roll at lunchtime or something… and she will never let you forget it, EVER!

13. Chopped Up Charlotte

Well, it looks like someone has had the right idea here, they must have lost it with the creepiness and just got choppy! Now…bury it and burn the ashes and you should be alright.

14. Breathes On Your Neck Brian

I actually can’t stop laughing at this one! I mean, I’ve met some creepy Brian’s in my time, but this one takes the biscuit!

15. & Finally…Too-Much-Plastic-Surgery Patty!

Wow. Well, I personally think that no amount of plastic surgery could save that face! Fire might do the trick though…and plenty of it!

Well, that was a fun ride, wasn’t it!? *ahem* Has freaky as it was, it was still weirdly exciting…like hitching a ride with a creepy looking guy that you don’t know!

Which one f**ked you up the most!? Please let us know because it’s so funny!

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