17 Honest Wine Labels That Speak THE BRUTAL TRUTH!

17 Honest Wine Labels That Speak THE BRUTAL TRUTH!

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if life was just SIMPLER? I don’t know about you, but I’d love it if people were more honest and spoke the truth every single time they open their mouths.

I gather that I may be living in a bit of dream world with that, but I guess the closest we’ll ever get to a fully honest, totally inhibited world, is when people are DRUNK.

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It may not be too healthy for us in large doses obviously, but when we’re intoxicated, the world always just seems that bit more honest, brutal and SIMPLE.

So, it stands to reason that it would be the wonderful wine bottle to be the one to unleash the totally BRUTAL, honest, uninhibited truth to you…before you get w*nkered. The universal favourite of the alcohol beverage variety.

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So here are 17 examples of alternative wine labels that should totally be in mainstream production…because who doesn’t need alcohol that also gives you life advice!? Nobody, that’s who!

1. The Perfect Match

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Have you ever met a more iconic duo? The classic white, coupled with the 100th b*tching session about Karen from accounting!? Can’t get any better than that…and it would be even better if wines displayed this label on their bottles, so you knew exactly what alcohol would go well with your work-related spite!

2. Totally…

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Oh, it totally is…and if we had wine bottles with sassy labels like this. that remind and reassure us of all our sexiness, independence and power, then we’d never need men….ever again!

3. How could you say that!?

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How could you SAY THAT, wine!? I loved and trusted you, I can’t believe you would say that! *starts weeping uncontrollably* Oh, you’re right, I am! I should call her! *sniff*

4. I can change, I promise!

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I’m so sorry wine, I’m so sorry, I will try to be a better person, I swear…after I’ve drunk your contents. That should totally help!

5. I promise…

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Oops, I lied. I’m so sorry red wine, but it’s cold, dark and miserable and I needed a taste of Spain in my life, please forgive me. I won’t do it again (I totally will!)

6. It sure ain’t!

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Well, from someone who despises coffee with a vengeance, then this is totally true anyway. Coffee just can’t compete…now, a nice cup of tea on the other hand, I don’t know, might have a bit of competition.

7. Go on, finish me off!

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Oh, go on then, if you’re sure I don’t need to worry, might as well finish you off if you insist!

8. Please, Carol, you’re embarrassing yourself!

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I think we all need a wine that can tell us when our drunk sh*t hawking has gone too far! It would make things so much easier (and safer!) (and less embarrassing!)

9. I really shouldn’t…

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I’m all for a wine that encourages me to be slightly naughty, as long as I don’t drunk dial my ex, then all should be well.

10. Woe is me Wine

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100% guaranteed to make you have a major existential crisis, question every life choice you’ve ever made, publicly out your ex (whether they’re actually gay or not is irrelevant) and cry all evening.

11. You’re better than that

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All of us need this wine at some point in our lives. It would be a total lifesaver to be honest. A wine that actually promotes dignity and independence, you just can’t go wrong with that!

12. Don’t you dare

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No one needs to hear your drunken, political witticisms, Janet! Just put the phone down and step away from it altogether! It’s for the best and you’ll thank me in the morning when you realise that you haven’t been banned off all social media platforms.

13. I know, I know!

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Hold on a minute! Later!? Excuse me, but if I’m buying wine now, then there’s a good chance I’m already crying. You didn’t think about that, did you!? *weeps*

14. Thanks, Wine, you totally get me

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Well, why not? Saves me getting up for a bigger one later! Thanks, wine, you’ve always got my back!

15. Yippeee!

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Yay for not crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and watching Dirty Dancing on repeat all evening. I have to say though if this particular wine needed to be saved for the rare occasion, that I actually get through the day without having some kind of mental explosion, then it would be in my drinks cabinet for a very long time!

16. A miracle cure

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Just think about how many bottles this wine would sell in a month, nay, a week?! It would be my go-to wine, to be honest! Give me 100 bottles!

17. Errrrm

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So, just the can of Sprite then!?
Actually no, I do have a bit of dignity left, I think I’ll use 7Up instead! That’s a bit classier…right!?

Which would be YOUR go-to bottle if you had to choose this evening!?

Fess’ up, let us know in the comments and we can share a bottle or two…or ten!

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