All in all, girls can find most of each other’s problems relatable. We understand the agony of the monthly ‘Aunt Flow’ visit from hell, when a first date goes disastrously wrong or when our coffee just hasn’t set us up to deal with a*sholes just yet.
However, there’s one-way girls can be divided…and it’s nothing to do with men!
Curvy girls are a special breed of woman and they often suffer problems that other girls just can’t relate to…it can be lonely being so bottom heavy!
From just not being able to get a decent pair of Jeans to fit…to knocking everything off a table with your butt everytime you saunter past, life for the busty, booty girl can be difficult.
Oh yes, the Curvy life is beautiful too, don’t get me wrong
…but as this list shows, it can also be darn hard!
1. Will the Wardrobe Malfunctions EVER STOP!?
For the reasons outlined in the tweet above, a lot of curvy girls are in constant fear of flashing their private parts to the world. We also normally have a constant wedgie when we wear a body suit because our thighs are taking up most of the fabric, and therefore, stretching it beyond its meager means! *sigh* I guess this is the life we chose…
2. When the boyfriend fit becomes Skinny fit…
For those who aren’t familiar with the terminology, ‘boyfriend fit’ is meant to mean that your clothes are very slouchy and relaxed – as if you’re wearing your boyfriend’s clothes.
However, curvy girls often have to buy ‘boyfriend’ or ‘mom’ jean fit, simply because there’s no way our huge butt is ever going to fit in anything labeled as ‘skinny!’ At least we show off our big bums though.
3. You just don’t get it!
Let’s talk about ‘faux thicc’ girls here for a moment. Skinny girls may think they understand the struggle, but they just won’t ever realize the real difficulties, until they’ve bent down in skinny jeans and unintentionally turned into the HULK.
I mean, I get that you guys are just trying to be nice and empathetic, but please don’t pretend you know what we’re gong through.
4. Big Butts aren’t everything…
Everything seems perfect until it is actually attained…then you usually want nothing more to do with it. So goes with the big bazonga… all that glistens isn’t always gold.
5. A mind of it’s own….
Natural beauty is one thing, but when your body is doing things against your wishes, that’s bad, girl! I don’t mean to be so seductive, that’s just my booty thinking for itself again!
6. These Boots AREN’T made for walkin’
Here’s another fashion consideration that comes with being a little bit bigger.
Curvy girls can never fully embrace the knee-high boot, as they will simply NEVER fit our calves. I have so much personal relatability to this one. I love me’ a good knee boot, I can just never get any of damn things to fit me! Pray for me!
7. We never have to worry about length (ooer, missus!)
Well, it’s only because we know our gigantic ass is going to take up most of the length and end up showing next week’s washing anyway, regardless of how long it is! It’s not easy being thick.
8. Nothing is safe
A smashing time, but for all the wrong reasons – don’t invite us curvy girls to anywhere that has lots of breakable things like glass tables, vases, etc etc. It’s just not going to turn out well for anyone involved!
I mean, you can invite me, and I’ll show up, but I accept no responsibility for damage any of your property.
9. We can only dream…
Cute little bras and panties are about as attainable as Tom Hardy for the curvy girl gang… can’t help but dream though, can we?
10. My Precious
Jessica here might have thought leaving a bra somewhere was a fun idea, but the underwear game is no joke for curves ‘r’ us! & It’s understandable when it can cost us a month’s salary for one t*tty holster!
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but more material = more money = more drama when your bra finally bites the dust.
11. An expensive business
While this is all very welcome, I feel it would be irresponsible not to mention the downsides of your thighs packing a punch – ie ripping through your jeans like the Incredible Hulk.
12. It really is an epidemic…
The problem mentioned above, with denim and jeans, is one thing, but even in loose-fitting sportswear like shorts or leggings, you’re going to have problems if you’re packing a few extra pounds.
Being curvy doesn’t mean that we can’t feel great when working out though. You go, girl! Even if, like me, you’re just running after the ice cream truck.
13. Life never imitates reality
A classic case of ‘expectations vs. reality’ here, that a lot of curvy girls go through every time they order clothes online.
Ordering online is almost never a good idea… it just never looks quite right. Better to save the emotional meltdown that comes with trying it on when it arrives and finding you look like a builder rather than bootylicious.
14. All different shapes and sizes…
Have you ever noticed that sweatpants are designed for working out, but used for the exact opposite?
When your butt, thighs, and stomach all have different dress sizes, it’s hard to imagine how we even manage to find something that fits…other than sweatpants.
I guess that’s one of the reasons that companies all over the world make millions of dollars on sweatpants every year!
15. All fun and games until…
Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to fork out for a new pair of jeans after splitting them with my big ol’ rear end, maybe I’d finally be able to buy a pair of jeans that are sturdy enough to take the job on.
Our ass and thighs just can’t be contained… they want out…always!
16. Excuse me, ma’am…
It’s the same problem at the upper end for a lot of us. Not only do our thighs and butt always want out, but are boobs are in on the game too! There’s just no relent! Our bodily parts are just rebels and there ain’t no stopping them!
Also, when you get older, you might find your boobs moving in directions you didn’t even know were possible.
17. The curse of the chub….rub
It makes me wince every time I think of the catastrophic chaffing that inflicts me every time I wear skirts or shorts. It’s enough to bring tears to the eyes and blood to the thighs! Eeeek! Satan’s prison hell is no laughing matter!
This is what talcum powder is made for, folks. Well, it’s probably not, but it’s great for this purpose.
18. A race against time…
What guys and flatter-chested girls probably don’t realize is that, if you’re chunky, almost every day out and about is a race against the boob sweat threat. In fact, I think it should be an Olympic sport, and I’d like to compete.
Imani here should be okay, I reckon – after all, she is in Canada. How hot does it even get up there?
19. The ridiculous food cravings
— Nini🌸 (@Desti_Ni) June 7, 2018
Everyone knows that pregnant women get crazy food cravings, which have no regard for time of day, taste, or calorific content.
For some of us, that’s just a normal day! We can resist a lot of the time, but sometimes it’s just too much. I just love eating!
Oh, and don’t even get me started on those people who can eat like this and stay skinny without even doing exercise.
20. Skinny friends thinking they’re fat
Body positivity is a serious issue, and I want everyone to feel as good as possible about themselves, especially if it’s a friend of mine and I can help them change their mind to think that way.
However, when a friend half your size complains that they’re fat, it’s hard not to scream at them for being ridiculous. If you’re fat, what does that make me?!
21. Being reduced to the caftan
If you’re a dude or a skinny girl, you might not even know what a caftan is, so let me enlighten you.
A caftan is a variant of the robe or tunic, which has been worn in a number of cultures around the world for thousands of years.
It’s also a godsend for fat girls on a shopping trip, because it’s basically just a stylish tent that you can throw over the top of yourself. Job done!
22. Rude-ass sales assistants
This is one that every curvy girl will relate to. If you’re even lucky enough for the sales assistant to acknowledge you, it’s still likely that they might make you feel self-conscious at some point.
It could be something blatant, or it could be a passive-aggressive “are you sure you have the right size?” when you take your stuff to the checkout.
Yes b*tch, I’m sure. You don’t think I checked?!
23. Everything is covered in skulls and cherries
This is one of those weird things that always seems to be marketed towards bigger ladies, at least at the stores that I visit.
Just because I’m packing extra around the midriff, it doesn’t mean I want to look like a reject for a 1950s pin-up poster, or a groupie at a rockabilly concert.
Enough with the skull & cherry prints already!
24. Shopping with skinny friends
I have friends of all sizes, and what do friends do? That’s right, they go shopping together, to spend way too much money on stuff that they don’t really need.
The problem with shopping with your skinnier friends is that you’ll often be reduced to perusing handbags and shoes while your friend tries on dresses, because none of the adorable clothes they have in the store will fit you.
Oh well, not long until we go for coffee and pastries…
25. Airplane seats
Flying can be a bit of a nightmare for chunky people like me – hell, if you’ve really packed the weight on, it could be a problem for those either side of you, too.
I have the same problem in the movie theater, but that only lasts for 2-3 hours. Ever flown across the Atlantic Ocean as a fat girl in a small seat? I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
26. People think you don’t know that you’re fat
Thankfully, I don’t know anyone rude enough to come right out and say “hey you know what, you got really fat, you should do something about that”.
Having said that, I would respect that brutal honesty more than the little passive-aggressive jibes and suggestions that you can get from friends and family.
At least get it all out on the table! Maybe with a side salad and a bowl of chips?
27. People assume you’re unhealthy
Let’s get this clear once and for all, folks – just because you’re packing a few pounds over what society expects from you, it doesn’t mean that your health is in ruins.
In fact, I know a people who are much fatter than I am who could outrun me any day of the week. But then again, I am a lazy so-and-so.
28. Being the butt of jokes
Even in today’s increasingly politically-correct culture, there are still quite a lot of comedians out there who think it’s fine and dandy to make fun out of plus-size women for the majority of their set.
Hey buddy, I may not be able to run that fast, but my slapping hand is still strong, so you should probably watch your mouth!
As every curvy girl will no doubt be aware, there are a group of men out there who make it their mission to score as many ‘fat chicks’ as possible.
You know what, buddy? Fine. I’ll give you a chance – we can go out to dinner, but you’re paying, and I’m ordering a lot of sides.
Oh, and dessert.
30. Amusement parks
Forget cinema seats and public transport – there’s nowhere on earth that you’ll feel more out-of-place as a fat girl than at any amusement park.
Whether you want to get on the roller coaster, the dodgems, or a Ferris wheel, it’s more than likely that you’ll find yourself in an embarrassing situation where someone is telling you that you’re either too big or too heavy.
I know healthy and safety restrictions have to be observed, but what am I gonna do while I’m here? The freakin’ hall of mirrors? That’s just gonna make me more self-conscious, surely.
31. Guys attempting to pick you up
No, I don’t mean ‘pick you up’ as in hit on you at the bar and ask for your number. I mean a guy literally picking you up in the air, or saying that he’s strong enough to do it, and then attempting to.
Why do guys even do this? It’s not impressive, it just makes us feel like a big sack of spuds.
32. People giving you unsolicited advice on how not to be fat
Like I said earlier, a lot of people talk to us as if we have no idea that we’re fat. On top of this, some people feel as if, because they’re our friends, it’s their job to make suggestions as to what we should do about it.
Here’s the thing though – if I wanted to do something about it, I would handle it by myself. More to the point, I’m more than happy staying fat and sassy.
Hope you’ve enjoyed this list, folks!