Being cool is overrated, I would way prefer to be considered uncool than to have to keep up with the daily stupid trends. Call me Grandma but I’m living my best life.
So, my fellow uncool people, let us gather and laugh at our own inside jokes because everyone thinks we are weird anyway. Cool people, go away, you’re not welcome here.
1.) Fashion confuses you
I don’t know about you but I would MUCH rather be comfortable than ‘trendy’. The latest trends baffle me anyway, do all cool people have small b**bs? How do they wear these outfits?! Also, I’ve NEVER understood those weird slipper sandals, do people really wear them?
2.) You’re an outsider when it comes to modern music
It is literally like people are speaking a different language when modern music is brought up in conversation. I just nod and pray no one asks my opinion about anything.
3.) So, you’re behind on modern tunes
The latest hits and hottest artists are just completely unknown to you. Again, it’s all in a different language and sounds TERRIBLE. Do people actually listen to this trash?
4.) 90s and early 00s are more your taste
Music got bad in the late 2000s and has never got better since. This is what you tell people anyway and they are the ones missing out, your daily playlist is FIRE.
5.) You really can’t dance
You never dance, EVER. And when you do, you have definitely had one too many drinks and suddenly think that you have all the moves. Unfortunately, your sense of rhythm sucks and you look incredibly awkward.
6.) Hipster joints and trendy pop-ups are a no go
They are far too pretentious and weird for your tastes. Who puts coleslaw in a mini trolley?! Definitely too hipster for you.
7.) Especially when you have to queue for HOURS
OR you have to make a reservation months and months in advance. Who wants to eat somewhere that badly?! Uncool people have no time for trying out the ‘coolest’ place to eat. No time at all.
8.) Why go to trendy places when you have a sofa at home?
Chilling in the comfort of their own home is what uncool people do best. What’s the point of going out and wasting money when there are snacks and your favourite Netflix show on at home?
9.) You don’t really ‘get’ social media
Yes, you try to use social media as best you can but you never have really understood it. Why are you tagged in things? Who knows. Why are people rude online? No idea but it makes you sad. Might as well delete it all after all.
10.) Including ‘hashbrowns’
If I’m completely honest, I have absolutely NO IDEA what this means. I guess I am definitely not cool enough to know these slang words from the youth of today.
11.) You’re YEARS behind the popular trends
It takes you ages to pick up on ‘popular’ trends that were probably popular around 10 years ago. Can’t keep up with what these cool people like these days.
12.) Cool people try to give you the heads up
Because you are so behind on the trends, your ‘cool’ friends try to keep you in the loop. Unfortunately, you are so set in the uncool ways that you never listen.
13.) You are confused by all the slang
Most of your daily life is spent being confused over what slang words mean. When you are confronted, a quick Google is definitely your friend.
14.) People try to embarrass you for liking weird things
We may love stamp collecting and bowls but that’s just who we are! We are proud of our hobbies, don’t make us feel weird about it. We are fully aware that we are weird.
15.) You’ve definitely lied to avoid embarrassment
All uncool people will have been in a situation where people are talking about a popular movie or book and you pretend to know it. Again, Google is our friend. I’ve never seen the Godfather and I’m pretty sure its just a cool person thing.
16.) If someone tells you to act cool you just…can’t
It’s physically impossible for an uncool person to act cool, it’s just not in our DNA. Also, never tell us how to act, we are free spirits.
17.) You can’t wink or do a thumbs up without it looking weird
No matter what. Even just a subtle nod makes you look like a crazy person. Just don’t even bother, we all need to accept that we will NEVER look cool winking.
18.) Being uncool makes you feel older than your peers
Having such a prevalent uncool status makes you feel much older than your years. You start viewing your friends as almost your grandchildren. It gets pretty weird.
19.) You HATE clubs
Being uncool usually means that you aren’t the biggest fan of going out clubbing. A nice quiet pub? Brilliant. A loud, sweaty, uncomfortable club full of drunk people? No thank you.
20.) You’re totally COOL with being UNCOOL
Being uncool is your middle name and you love it. You love not keeping up with the trends and being your own person, it’s actually pretty…cool.
Be proud of being uncool folks! At least we are a little different and can’t be bothered to follow the crowd. Yes, we may not know much about popular culture but at least we know a lot about stamps and 90s music.