20 Things That You DEFINITELY Should Have Accomplished Before Your 35th BIRTHDAY!

20 Things That You DEFINITELY Should Have Accomplished Before Your 35th BIRTHDAY!

20 Things That You DEFINITELY Should Have Accomplished Before Your 35th BIRTHDAY!

Life can go by pretty quickly…one minute you’re in Kindergarten torturing worms, the next you’re in High School fighting off the bullies…
THEN, even worse…you’re an “adult” & forced to go to work, earn a living and again…fight off the bullies!

It can all be a little overwhelming…

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However, your 30’s (especially your early 30’s) is a nice plateau in life. You’re old enough to be classed as a fully fledged ‘adult’, but not really old enough to be making those ‘BIG ADULT DECISIONS’ yet!

Or are you!?

Welcome to your mid-thirties, where apparently, you ARE expected to have made some ‘adulting’ progress by now…(I know, right!? I didn’t know either!)

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If you’re 35 or older, check out this list to see if you’re successfully adulting!

1. Be Hanging Out With Friends Often

Or not, as the case may be…but you should at least be attempting to make plans on a regular basis, because that cocktail friend date IS DEFINITELY, TOTALLY, ABSOLUTELY going to happen this time…!
(Spoiler: It won’t. You have more chance of becoming Queen of the Beavers)


What is this mystical thing you speak of? You mean we’re actually meant to SAVE money!? I thought we were meant to spend it the day we got it and spend the rest of the month in poverty, I thought that was the RIGHT way!? I’ve been doing it wrong all this time…

3. Sssssh Sleep Now…

I think this may be the only one I’m already down with…I’m ALWAYS ready for bed. In fact, if it wasn’t for my “responsibilities”, I’d never move!
CHECK, next!

4. Horcruxes…?

Wait…Horcruxes can’t be made without commiting murder right!? (I’ll level with you, I googled it, I had no idea what a Horcrux was, I’m one of the few people to have never seen Harry Potter…or read the books!)
I think we’ll leave that one to the storybooks rather than real life…murder is WRONG kids!

5. Tupperware, Tupperware, EVERYWHERE!

Tupperware is one of those mystical, magical creations (like Socks!) that just appears everywhere, you don’t know how you accumulated so many…and none of them match!

6. It’s all acting darrrrrling…

The old’ affirmation of ‘fake it until you make it’ is never more appt than in your mid-thirties. Don’t worry, everyone else has no f*cking clue what they’re doing either!

7. Where DO they come from!?

Like the socks and the Tupperware, the PLASTIC BAG is another mythical creature that just appears in hoards and suddenly becomes a part of your life. Maybe it’s part of some kind of surveillance takeover!? Illuminati eat your heart out!

8. The cables are in on it too!

More Illuminati surveillance f*ckery, no doubt.  I better not say too much or they’ll be onto me!

9. THE Chair

We all have ‘THE Chair’, & without it, our laundry/”re-wear or wash” schedule would be up the kyber! An absolutely essential adulting tool.

10. Period Pranking

35? My period has been pranking me since I was 13! You’d think by age 35, it’d let up and give some consistency…but no, if anything is going to be a lifetime prankster, it’s “Aunt Flow!” Then we have ‘Mrs. Menopause’ to look forward to….*sigh*

11. No need to get complicated…

I’m only 31 and all I do is basically rotate two outfits and talk sh*t. So I think I’ve got the mid-thirties fashion game right down to a tee already!

12. Don’t be a mug!

This one is easy, I have a ‘The Simpsons’ (Spider Pig) mug for my cups of tea, my ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ one for my Hot Chocolate and a ‘Mr Burns’ one for soup and other related drink/also slightly food based beverages…and I’M MORTIFIED if anyone else uses them for another purpose…or uses them AT ALL, in fact!
So I’m glad to see that it’s totally normal… *ahem*

13. So much to do, so little time!

& Not just video games, but DVDs, video streaming libraries, online watch lists, YouTube playlists and shelves full of untouched books…the list goes on.

14. Totally trolled me!

When I was first reading this, I was thinking ‘Uh oh, that’s a lot of pressure to be…’
& Then it hit me!

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This one I can totally get behind! I’d love to be Homer Simpson by the age of 35! Where do I sign up!? (Don’t fancy the baldness though!)

15. Those poor tabs

Like those plans with your friends…I’m afraid it’s just never going to happen. A moment of silence for those tabs lost to adulthood.

16. Excuses, excuses!

Perhaps those plans would actually happen if you didn’t keep canceling them all the time! But it’s just so damn satisfying!
‘Sorry, I’d love to, but it’s my Cat’s birthday!

17. Regrets, I’ve had a few!

Don’t worry, it’s natural to regret absolutely EVERYTHING by the time of your quarter-life crisis. But remember, it’s never too late to make a change!

18. Oh no!

As if things weren’t bad enough by age 35, you start turning into your parents!
No, it’ll never happen! *burns slippers*

19. In Denial

But the 90’s WHERE only ten years ago!?
Right? RIGHT!? Please don’t do this!

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20. But most importantly….it’s never too late!

It’s never too late to start over (and become the Princess that you were born to be!)

Take life at your own pace and just do what makes YOU happy. I’m 31 and still have no idea what I want to be when I ‘grow up’ and I’m certainly not going to get my sh*t together within four years.

Relax, you’re doing great! (Honest!)

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