It’s true, when we are alone, we do some crazy stuff! In fact, it’s so embarrassing that we would never publicly admit to doing such things. Even so, we tend to allow ourselves to be free from social convention during those moments when we are far away from condemnation. A place that we call home. So, here are the things that we are doing when everyone else is far away from us. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
1. We rarely wash our bras.
We reckon there can’t be many people who genuinely enjoy the feeling of wearing a bra all day, so that thing is a goner as soon as we step through our front door right?
Yet, when it comes to choosing one to put back on, why not just use the same one? It’s not dirty and it’s by far the comfiest. Problem is, it’s been 6 days now…
2. We don’t change our tampons often enough.
Hey, they’re expensive… Like really expensive! If our parents knew we were being frugal with our money no matter what our age, I’m sure they’d be proud. Best to leave the details as to how out of the conversation though. Y’know, for their own protection…
It’s not that gross at the end of the day, I mean men where smelly underwear for days on end…
3. We resort to using toilet paper instead of a tampon or a pad.
A little money-saving tip! Ok, it’s not the nicest thing to think about but we’ve definitely all done it at some point. It does the job – to an extent – but costs a fraction of the price. As if being a woman isn’t a pain in the ar*e enough sometimes, we could really do without forking out dollar after dollar on stuff like this!
4. We don’t shave much in the winter.
So, be sure that you make plans with us in advance. No surprises!
Ageing isn’t fun at the best of times, but those random strands that begin to reveal themselves in new and exotic places on your body certainly don’t help.
Don’t even get us started on what this is like when you’re pregnant, men you’re so lucky you can just let everything grow naturally!
5. We pee in the shower too.
In fact, letting a little pee slip isn’t just limited to the shower… Mums especially, picture this: someone’s telling you a hilarious joke, it has you in stitches and you’re crying with laughter. Or you’ve got a tickle at the back of your throat that has you coughing so hard that your eyes water, your six pack bursts into life and suddenly: a little liquid slips out. Sound familiar?
It’s ok, it happens and no one’s ever really going to know. But we feel your pain.
6. Pick our noses.
And sometimes eat the yummy boogers!
Hey, don’t judge us. Research has recently suggested that eating bogies can actually be good for you because there’s lots of enriching bacteria there to be consumed. So, next time you catch someone chomping on a juicy booger, give them a high five or something… just make sure it’s done with their other hand.
7. We use our nails to remove dirt from under our other nails.
It’s not as gross as it sounds. Ok maybe it is. But, if you’ve got the tools you may as well use them. After all, who wants to be walking around with dirty, horrible finger nails? Just the thought of it is making me feel off.
Not me that’s for sure, and I’m pretty sure you don’t either. Besides, there are far worse things on this list…
8. When we sneeze during our periods, it feels like this:
It can’t stand the pressure. There’s that panic, that momentary overriding feeling of anxiety that engulfs us whilst we try and figure out whether we have an accident or not. It literally feels as if something is about to burst and quite frankly, it sucks.
But, 98% of the time we’re absolutely fine and we can go about our days like nothing happened… Until sneeze number two.
9. We sometimes go for days and weeks without washing our hair.
So, you’re probably wondering why our showers are still taking so long. Well, that’s partly why. All those days of grease that have built up have got to come out some time right?
You can only go for so long putting dry shampoo in it until it becomes a greasy, sticky nightmare. Even then we’d still consider waiting another day. It’s just such an effort sometimes y’know?
10. Even after we go to the gym or go for long walks.
At the end of the day, showering can be a lot of work for us women, it’s not as simple as jumping in, a quick scrub and then hopping out again (think of all the shaving we do for starters). But, when we finally make an appearance, it’s like discovering something for the first time all over again.
Bottom line, our hair is probably pretty dirty!
11. We wear dirty clothes to the gym.
It makes perfect sense as to why!
It’s starting to look like us women are not the cleanest in most scenarios. Not true, we are when we need to be. But really, what’s the point in washing gym clothes every time you use them? You’re only going to get them drenched in sweat again soon after, especially if you’re a frequent gym visitor. Save on electricity and keep them out of the washing pile for a few days longer. Agreed?
12. We peel off our sunburned skin and pop other peoples pimples.
There’s something so satisfying about it. Not just sunburn either, think of all those juicy pimples begging to be popped. We can be suckers for habits and when it comes to peeling off sunburn… once you’ve started, it’s really freakin’ hard to stop!
You can even go one step further and pop other peoples spots too, like your boyfriends/husbands. I’m sure they’re secretly greatful…
13. We rarely wash our make-up brushes.
They must be absolutely jam-packed with dirt. I mean they must be encrusted with so much old make up to the point that they’re practically unusable. And yet, we continue to use them because, well… everything to do with make up is just so freakin’ expensive.
Hence why our faces light up with uncontrollable happiness when we eventually get our paws on some new ones.
14. When we’re out of nail polish, we pick it off with our teeth.
To be honest, I think we’ve got to a point in this list where it’s clear us females just do whatever works for us at the time. And what’s so bad about that?
If anything you could say we simply use our initiative, pioneers even. Alright, we are just talking about picking off nail polish with our teeth here, not inventing electricity. But still, you get my point.
15. We love looking at the little black dots on our blackhead strips.
Better there than in our face right? But that level of satisfaction when you pull the strip off your face to see multiple black dots staring back at you is underrated.
We feel as if we’ve been born again, our faces as fresh and smooth as a babies bottom… for all of a day before we feel like we need to do it again.
16. We give our clothes the “sniff test” before we bother washing them.
We love to get one more wear out of an item of clothing. If it doesn’t pong, then is it really dirty?
No stains, no pains as well. If it looks clean then it must be clean. That’s the rule I’ve followed all of my life and it’s done me ok so far! Besides, anything to get out of actually having to do laundry.
17. We pick off our mascara with our fingers.
Sometimes it hurts and we lose a lash but it’s pretty satisfying nonetheless. Is it necessary? No of course not.
Does it make our mascara look uneven and a bit stupid? Sometimes. Is it something we spent ages doing in the first place? Definitely. Will we ever stop doing it? I think you already know the answer to that one.
18. We find bits of food in our bras.
How did it get there? Who knows. The bad part is when we take a long hard look at it, wipe it off with our fingers and shove it in our mouths anyway!
We can’t be judged negatively because of it though, just think of all those men out there finding bits of old food in their beards! Bits of cereal, chips, chocolate. If it still tastes good then what’s the harm?
19. We often have to remove a hair from our butt.
Well, it’s a pretty unforgiving crack! The panic when you think you’ve had a 12-inch pube hanging from your bum crease for days only to realise it fell from your head a few seconds earlier.
This is just one of the many downsides to having beautiful, long locks. Or, as we’ve already confirmed, in most women’s cases- long greasy hair well overdue a wash…
20. We try on moustache and beard parts.
The good news is, we still look good with them on! We’ve all played a game of ‘what would I look like as a boy’ before. If you haven’t then you really should, you might be shocked at just how good looking a male you’d make with a bit of facial hair!
Sometimes I wonder what I’d look like if I just allowed all the hair on my face to grow freely for months on end…
21. We like the smell of our own farts.
Don’t be so surprised! Secretly judging your own pongs and finding it hilarious how something that smells so bad came out of you is part of life.
Men take pride in the nastiness of their gas, so why can’t we? It’s our very creation after all… “I did that, me!”, “and it smells so bad I’m now slightly worried about my diet…”
22. We like the smell of our armpits too.
Especially when we sweat right through our deodorant, even we’ve drowned ourselves in it to the point we’re stinking of tropical coconuts (or whatever you taste in smells are). That’s got to be classed as an achievement if nothing else.
Besides, if you’re sweating that badly and you haven’t got some sort of pre-existing condition then quite frankly you’re obviously working too hard and you need to put your feet up. Agreed? Agreed.
23. We play with the loose hair that falls out during our showers.
We like the way it feels in our hands. It’s just like playing with a piece of string, or some spaghetti…
To be honest, sometimes I think I malt so much hair at any one time that I’d give most dogs a run for their money. Especially in the shower, it just seems to fall out quicker than it can grow!
24. We never wear our bras at home.
Society makes us wear them. Ask any girl if they actually enjoy wearing a bra. Sure, there are some perks I suppose. They can look pretty sometimes. Plus, they serve a purpose (especially if you’re particularly well endowed in that area).
But, when we’re lounging around at home in our sweats, the last thing we want is something tight holding us. Those bad boys need room to breath…
25. We reward ourselves for going to the gym once by ordering takeaway
We’ve worked hard for it alright? Do you know how much motivation it requires to finish work and decide “hmmm, you know what I want to do right now? Go and sweat my a*s off whilst surrounded with people much fitter than I am“?
A lot is the answer you’re looking for. In reality, my immediate thought when arriving anywhere that isn’t my own home is wondering whether there’s any food on offer.
26. Despite owning a whole wardrobe of outfit options, we wear the same combinations for days in a row
If it ain’t broke… not only do we not wash our clothes unless it’s absolutely necessary, we also tend to find an outfit we like and wear to it to death. Sometimes it can be so difficult finding something we actually like ourselves in. So, when that day comes, you’ve gotta freakin’ cherish it!
It’s not that bad, especially if you’re seeing different people every day, who has to know?
27. We cover up embarrassing sounds with literally anything
Running the tap whilst on the toilet, slamming a kitchen drawer when squeezing out a not so lady like trump… putting the shower on is a personal favourite of mine, the list is endless.
Women burp, fart and do just about every other slightly gross thing a man does. Some of us just haven’t quite got around to admitting it yet.
28. Checking yourself out in the mirror, from every angle
When we say every angle, we mean *every angle*. Our curiosity for our own bodies knows no bounds and rightly so, if someone else is going to see us from obscure viewpoints then we need to know exactly what they’re going to be looking at.
And, when you find that killer outfit, who’s to say you can’t appreciate just how good you look in the mirror for 20-30 minutes…
29. Stalking EVERYBODY on social media
Definitely something none of us like to admit, but we all undeniably do it from time to time. Ok so maybe we don’t stalk literally everybody we know, just the odd ex, someone new at work, your parent’s/child’s new boyfriend or girlfriend. The list goes on…
The trick is pretending like you don’t already know everything about them when you eventually meet.
30. Sleeping in a full face of make-up
Who has the time to go through the arduous task of standing in front of a mirror taking the masterpiece you have created off, when there’s half a cold donna kebab waiting to be demolished?
That is before you fall face-first into a pillow. Then, when you wake up the next day and you realise your make up’s still on point-ish, you just roll with…
You might now be thinking “oh my goodness, I really am gross” having realised you do most of the things on this list.
But don’t worry, the chances are, everyone else is the same. Plus, it’s not like we really have to admit to any of it. Consider it a mutual understanding between all of the women of this world.
What do you make of the list Acidheads? How many of these things do you do?