But all you expectant mothers and already-made mothers need not suffer alone if you think there are elements of pregnancy that ain't so good because the good people at Buzzfeed asked their community of Mom's what they got up to while pregnant that they would NEVER EVER admit to. The results are gory and GLORIOUS.
"I craved apple juice something fierce, and as im sitting at moms chugging apple juice she says "keep drinking all that juice and youre going to shit yourself" .... sure enough 5 minutes later i had shit running down my legs as i waddled to the bathroom"
This poor woman! Beware the apple juice, ladies! It ain't yo friend!
"First trimester - within 15 minutes after each time I ate, I had bad gas. I tried to be discrete, but soon, everyone within my office knew... only good thing was that I was only working with them for a few weeks and will unlikely ever see most of them again."
"All I craved was pizza with tons of Parmesan cheese. Came home with my pizza, and my lovely husband had put back an empty container of cheese. I threw it at the wall, and scream-sobbed on the kitchen floor. I got over it, got back up and tried to put cheese on the pizza again. Repeat scream-crying. I told my husband I hated him and went to the bedroom and held the dog while I cried. TBH I don't even know if I ever ate the damn pizza..."
NEVER come between a woman and her pizza! Even at the best of (non-pregnant) times, it's always a big no-no!
"I’m pregnant now and whenever I’m home I’m dressed like Winnie the Pooh...t-shirt only. No pants, no bra, not even panties. Just a T-shirt."
"I'm currently 6 months pregnant and things just keep falling out of me. Its even worse at work when I am talking to a co-worker trying to act as if I don't feel pee or discharge sliding down my thighs. Waddling down the hall to get to the nearest bathroom doesn't make it easier either."
"I was so constipated I pulled my poop out with my fingers. With each pregnancy. I have 3 kids."
"I did a bunch of embarrassing stuff: washed my cell phone twice, ate entire pans of golden Graham s'mores bars, briefly thought my partner was illiterate"
"I was constipated for 2 weeks during my first pregnancy. Well when I finally went it was HUGE. It wouldn't flush. I started crying and my husband made "poop soup" with a hanger and flushed it. I was embarrassed but all he said was "And you complain about butt sex" and winked. My hero."
HONEY. He's a keeper!
"I really craved the way White Castle smelled. I don’t eat burgers, so I wouldn’t order any, but I would constantly suggest to my husband that he should get some. I would just sit there sniffing the bag. I also felt that way about the smell of Home Depot. I would just walk my pregnant ass around the store."
"I used to eat/crave toilet paper every time I went to the bathroom. I never told my Obgyn."
Oh, baby no... stop.
"I had a full blown fit of crying cause I dropped a bowl of potato soup while my (now) husband was at work. Cleaned it up and never mentioned it till now"
"I cried at the Taco Bell drive thru guy because he wouldn’t make me a taco at 9 am."
I can relate to this... It's an everyday occurrence for me.
"I would have orgasms in my sleep. I know this can happen even if not pregnant but this happened a few times every week. It was amazing lol"
"I got pregnant pretty early into my relationship with my (now) husband, so early that I had never farted in front of him. Well, pregnancy gas can be pretty epic, but I wasn’t comfortable doing it in front of him, so I slept on the couch a lot while I was pregnant. I told him it felt better for my back, which was partially true, but it was mostly because I didn’t want to let them rip in bed with him. Until he accidentally locked us into our bedroom. I unabashedly let them come until he took the door off its hinges."
"Okay I’ve actually told everyone this story because I don’t give a fuck but I legit shit my pants when I was pregnant with my first. Thought it was a fart, and it was a huge shit. I got straight in the shower with all my clothes on and laughed the whole time because I had been so constipated so OF COURSE I would shart."
"I was about 4 months pregnant and craving pasta salad. Of course I had none so I went to the deli and got a pound. Instead of grabbing a fork I ate the whole pound with my fingers in my car in the parking lot while crying because I thought the deli ham in the pasta salad was bad for the baby."
"I had to wear TWO pairs of granny panties as well as wear deodorant on my ass and bikini line. If I didn’t, I would sweat through my pants. Even jeans. Like, visibly sweating for everyone to see my excessive crotch and ass swamp."
"I was the horny pregnant type, I'm talking 13-year-old-boy-in-puberty horny. Well, my baby's father was not so much into the bumpy lady fetish. So I would masturbate at least twice a day, up to 4 or 5 ttimes. Anything could turn me on, it was definitely my favorite pregnancy hobby."
Beats knitting, any day!
"Once I woke up in the middle of the night and I really had to pee but I was too big and too tired to get up so I cuddled up to my then SO to relieved myself all over him and the bed. I fell right back to sleep then I woke up to him saying "oh my god" over and over again. I felt so bad I cried but he was so sweet he just gave me a hug, showered with me and did the laundry lol."
Another keep here, gal!
"I ate dirt ? eww I know! I would look for specific little dirt pebbles, basically I was craving that smell after the rain hits the ground. I knew it wasn’t super weird (but still gross) because I remembered my mom doing the same thing when she pregnant with my younger brother. However now I know that it may be due to your body missing vitamins or minerals, so talk to your Dr, if you come across strange cravings!"
"I was sitting at a nice sit-down restaurant having a fancy meal with my hubby and he made me laugh so hard I started peeing and to cover it up I panicked and “accidentally” spilled my glass of water onto my lap. Good thing I wasn’t eating asparagus!"
There are some AMAZING poppa's in these responses right?! Lucky girls, lucky babies-to-be!
Hopefully, this list made you realize, if pregnancy hasn't been particularly kind to you, you ain't alone!
You're doing great momma!