Now, you know that I don't like to bang on about the same things too often (What??? I don't!) but when it comes to how hard it is to be a woman I just cannot help myself because, well, let's face it, it truly is INCREDIBLY HARD to be a woman, and there are SO MANY REASONS why that is.
Today, I'm going to be talking to you about one of the biggest reasons of all; yes, that's right folks, it's an article about BRAS... dun dun dunnnnn!
Yes okay, bras are not only functional but can also help you feel that extra bit sexier when you want to, however, for most women, they're a massive freakin' pain in the a*s and we'd all be a lot better off if none of us needed to wear them ever, ever again. Not to mention the fact that if this was the case... we'd all be freakin' millionaires too. I personally wish that Victoria would just hurry up and tell us her bloomin' secret once and for all, amiright ladies!?
This is absolutely true, if you ever meet a woman who can take less than 30 minutes to remove a sports bra then you either should not trust her or you should sit her down and beg her to teach you the ways of such ancient magic.
Honestly, unless it's your FIRST EVER BRA there really isn't any need whatsoever in the 3000 tags designers and lingerie companies seem to think belong on literally one of the skimpiest pieces of clothing a woman can wear. I just wanted support for my girls... not a back rash and black inky smudges all over my body!
This may seem gross to you, but let me tell you, as a frequent bra wearer who is not a frequent bra washer... bras are some of the most infuriating items of clothing to actually clean. There's so many different colors, textures, wash styles... I'd literally rather buy a new one than washing the ones I already have!
SIGN. ME. UP. Better yet if you could do one that includes items of clothing that already have the bras built into them then I'll become a freakin' investor myself!
A very easy mistake to make, and one that I - along with probably 90% of women all over the world - have made before.
It's the one and only time you would ever see me getting high... except for maybe that one time in Woodstock...
I'm not sure how I've come so far in life without ever hearing nor using the term "Calamatitty" but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will never ever be using another word ever again from now on.
Seriously though. I could literally superglue the straps of my bra onto my own FLESH and they would still find a way to peak out from beneath my shirts and dresses.
You've heard of Hangry? Well, allow me to introduce you to... BRANGRY. And yes, that is it's real, scientific name.
Yeah it was all well and good 50 years ago when there was only like ONE bra available for everybody and it only cost you 25 cents but if I burn one of my bras today I may as well be burning a payment on my freakin' mortgage.
Here's a hint fellas... if you're on a date and you happen to sneak a peek at your date's underwear choice and it's some sort of neutral tone... well I'm sorry to have to break this to you but it is just NOT your night.
Ah yes, a sure fire way to know what day of the week you're on is to check out how many discarded bra's you may have lying around your house so far... it hasn't failed me yet!
If you're anything like me you will have learned this skill very early on in life when you were forced to get changed in front of both the boys and the girls in your class and you knew little Jimmy was just over there in the corner watching you hoping to catch a peek.
You know you've bought a good sports bra when it feels like you're wearing a medieval vice which will only release you after being dealt with by a pair of large plyers.
I always warn my friends to makes plans with me in advance because if it's a Friday night and I've already removed my bra by the time they ask me to do something then they are just gonna have to wait until next Friday to see me.
I'm not sure if this is absolutely hilarious... or absolutely disgusting. Girl, get yourself a wallet and give your boobs a break!
I'm not sure who first invented the phrase "Chest Balls" but I would very much like to meet them so that I could thank them profusely.
Ah, nothing like finding a "surprise snack" in your lingerie after a hard day of being fabulous.
You may think that you have dealt with sweat in your life before, but you have NEVER dealt with sweat unless you've dealt with boob sweat, the most unruly type of sweating of them all.
You'd be surprised how it is to figure out whether that pain coursing through your body is because the years of neglect you've inflicted on your body is finally catching up to you... or it's just your boobs adjusting to that new bra you bought.
I just can't believe how accurate this statement feels. The sweet release of finally freeing your "Chest Balls" from their eternal societal prison...
Listen, all of you non-bra wearers out there, this may seem like an incredibly weird statement, but honestly, you have not LIVED until you've spent 12 hours wearing one and then you finally get to take it off while you EAT. It's as close to heaven I'll ever get, that's for sure.
Well folks, what did you think? Did this article make you LOL... or did it make you wince in some seriously relatable pain? At least it's good to know that we are all in this patriotic nightmare together... right!?