American Airlines
Yum! Have you ever been on an American Airlines flight and thought, “I’m just in the mood for a pork pie, a circle of scrambled egg, a single leaf of lettuce and a tomato!” We’re not sure what we’re looking at here. It could well be a slice of ham on a piece of bread. It doesn’t look it though.
Aer Lingus
A full English (or Irish) breakfast cannot be made on an airplane. There are too many component parts. And if you take away one (or several in this case) you will incur the wrath of a thousand bald fathers. The sausages look edible, that’s about as much as we can say. And ketchup sachets are always pretty. But that infected-looking black pudding? Keep it.
Ryanair
Nothing quite spells the beginning of a holiday like an airplane chilli con carne. Eat this at your own risk. You do have to hand it to Ryanair, however. The fact they even contemplated let alone executed a menu for their planes is so out of character. Shows growth. Still, this is awful.
Spirit Airlines
OK, enough joking around now. Here’s some concrete life advice: never order prawns on an airplane. Save yourself the ten days in the ICU. Thinking about doing it anyway just for the lawsuit? No. No money can remedy the pain that a microwaved, rotten prawn will bring. Order the soup. Order a sandwich. Anything but this.
Allegiant Air
Fries on an airplane are hard to argue with. And they look pretty crispy, too. The hot dog (?) is ambitious but probably nowhere near as good as it looked on the drawing board. Also, is that a pickle? You see, that’s too much. Pickles are overpowering. Subtlety is key.
Southwest Airlines
Guacamole? Wasabi? Southwest Airlines is not obliged to offer haute cuisine, but come on. Come on! This is not a meal. At best, it’s a condiment. Spare a thought for the steward or stewardess who has to carry this down the aisle and serve it with a straight face. Not only that, but who then has to say, “Enjoy!”
easyJet
Grilled cheese is always nice, except when it’s kept in packaging for weeks and then heated up on a plane for you to eat. The presentation isn’t too sloppy but this leaves a lot be to desired, and that cheese cannot be good. Let’s leave smelly foods on the ground, shall we?
Air Canada
The fruit’s probably nice, and so probably is the yoghurt. But that thing on the right? Would you eat that at gunpoint? Air Canada has done themselves a huge disservice with that clump of mash (?) and that deceased sausage.
Wings Air
No offence to Wings Air, but this looks like vomit. It may well be vomit. Apparently, it’s a form of rice pudding (with peas!). Try not to salivate too much. We couldn’t find any pictures of the queue to the toilets on Wings Air planes, but we imagine it extends onto the airport runway.
Lion Air
A chicken sandwich? A fish sandwich? A… lion sandwich? It’s a sandwich, that’s clear. Or a burger. Or a hot dog. No, it’s not a hot dog. It’s something. It’s food in a tray, on somebody’s lap on a Lion Air flight. Does that warrant praise? No way. This thing would be flushed straight down the toilet.
Wizz Air
Believe it or not, Wizz Air wasn’t named by a competition-winning child, but their menu is suitably immature. Only a ten-year-old would pair a cheese sandwich with a Kit Kat. Points for neatness here. This isn’t something that’s gonna crumble all over your tray and by your feet. Overall, though, this doesn’t work.
Nepal Airlines
Slop. Why does most airplane food have to be slop? The fruit on the left even looks a bit sad. When the healthy section of your meal looks off-putting, you’re in for a treat. And by treat, we mean the worst thing that will ever ride the grooves of your tastebuds.
Scat Airlines
Oh boy! We can’t wait to see what… Scat Airlines has on the menu. They really love saran wrap up there, don’t they? There’s a strong emphasis on fruit and vegetables here, which is the worst kind of emphasis. Come on, Scat Airlines, we’re on vacation here. Let’s get our blood pressure raised a little. Don’t ask us what’s on the left.
Lufthansa
Sausage and mash is a classic European staple. Traditionally, though, the sausages are cooked. We don’t know what’s happened here. Scolding the things would have been better than this. At least then we could eat in peace knowing our stomachs weren’t going to revolt within the hour. Lufthansa, hang your heads in shame.
Kuwait Airways
Your guess is as good as ours. Kuwait Airways? More like Kuwhat. A taco maybe? On a bed of omelette? Guys, if you’re flying with these folks, just buy some chips from the airport and maybe put some in the bread to make a sandwich. It will taste a lot better than whatever this is.
Tap Air Portugal
Do you know what food came from Portugal? Peri-Peri chicken. Yep. And Castel de natas. Or custard tarts. Are either of those featured on Tap Air Portugal’s menu? Nope. Instead, we’re given some cheese melt, peas-in-gravy slop. And don’t forget the ultra-important airline salad!
Transavia
Looks like Transavia and Lufthansa are closing some deals behind closed doors when it comes to sausages. We’d say these are worse. Look at those fake grill lines. Look at them. Zoom in and tell us you don’t want to put this airline out of business. Go on. Tell us. Leave the sausages, take the croissant.
Vueling Airlines
Hmmm. Not too bad, but nothing special. This is a ready meal on a plane. If that’s how low air travel has stooped then at least allow passengers to bring their own ready meals or microwaveable options. Hell, let them bring their own microwaves. Let them bring their own personal chefs. Let them off the plane so they can eat a decent meal.
Turkish Airlines
Plenty of bang for your buck, here. But how practical is it? Two steaks on a boxy airplane are tantamount to an hour in the gym. We can’t really decipher what the sauces are. If we had to guess, we’d say one is a cool, refreshing sauce and the other is a spicier, more bodied sauce. Turkish Airlines, you’re getting a 6/10.
Air Mauritius
OK, fair enough Air Mauritius. Fair enough. Who doesn’t like chicken and rice? Vegans, probably. And how about that bowl of broccoli and carrots? This is getting there. It’s not great but it’s a leap in the right direction. That bread roll, however, looks like it has the ability to smash your molars into tiny little pieces.
Frontier Airlines
Bad news if you’re a fan of cows and also book your flights with Frontier Airlines. What’s that sir? You want a rounded meal? Haha, no no no. Cheese, sir. Just a plastic packet of cheese. And a few crackers. Who founded Frontier Airlines, Wallace and Gromit? At least there’s nothing here that’s sloppy or lukewarm.
Qatar Airways
Really, Qatar Airways? The famous Qatar Airways? Is that the best you can do? This chicken curry looks nice. We’re sure it tastes great. But the ambition is severely lacking. And to try and pull the wool over our eyes with “New Zealand mineral water” is low. Qatar Airways takes us for idiots, frankly, up with which we shouldn’t put.
Delta Air Lines
Way too dry. The wrap has a nice colour to it but that tomato slice looks like it was made in a lab. Their saving grace here is the brownie. Nobody turns down a brownie, especially on a plane where monotony takes over. A small slice of indulgent chocolate can perk you right up.
Air New Zealand
New Zealand is famous for rugby and Lord of the Rings, not food. As such, they’ve decided to run with quiche on their airlines. The sausage isn’t great but there’s a nice crisp to it, at least in two places. The bread is all crumpled and sad-looking, so we’ll leave that there. And the fruit? Meh.
British Airways
There are two Europes: tomato Europe and potato Europe. Britain falls into the latter category. To expect anything else on a British Airways menu would be naive. The only problem here is the serving of bread and rice pudding. Starch on starch on starch? Give us a chance.
Qantas Airways
This pasta bake is good slop, and environmentally friendly to boot. Qantas Airways realises it’s needless to serve plastic when paper will do. The ginger beer is a classy touch. It’s not every day you board a plane and find ginger beer on the menu.
Vistara
Vistara was only founded in 2013, so the fact they have a menu is impressive enough but one that delivers like this? Well done. This curry is plenty to satisfy you but not so big that it’ll have you bloated on a nine-hour flight. We’ve never tried Hoppits but the name sounds fun. 7/10.
Fiji Airways
Can we just appreciate the colour palette here? Often, plane interiors are drab and lifeless. Not Fiji Airways. Oh no. They understand that it’s not just about how the meal tastes but how it looks in comparison to its surroundings. This spicy-looking dish definitely slaps and the raspberry bar is a classy, health touch.
Iberia
A bread roll, a cake slice, a salad bowl and cheese? Great sides. The main has problems. While it looks good, we have to wonder: is steak practical in the cramped atmosphere of a flying tin can? Elbow budges will be in abundance on this flight. That in turn may lead to fights. Still, Iberia gets our praise.
Etihad Airways
That’s a lot of chicken, so you can’t complain about portion size onboard this flight. But it’s a bit boring, isn’t it? Dry, unseasoned. You expect a lot more from the luxurious brand of Etihad. One can only hope their menu is a lot more varied and rewarding.
Swiss International Air Lines
Is that a brownie with icing sugar sprinkled on top? No. Shut up. We don’t care about the chicken or the vegetables or the bread. We don’t even care about Swiss International Air Lines. Is that a brownie with icing sugar sprinkled on top? If so, 10/10.
Hainan Airlines
Hey, did you know that only ten airlines currently possess a 5-star rating? Well, Hainan Airlines is one of them! This food must be good, even if it looks a little cold and sad. Let’s just imagine those yoghurts and deserts are God-tier because that fish isn’t exactly something you’d find in a Michelin restaurant.
Korean Air
Now this is interesting. Instead of plopping down a bowl of unfathomable slop like 99.9% of airlines, Korean Air gives you the ingredients and lets you curate the meal yourself. Would you like some rice in your broth? Absolutely. How about some bean sprouts? No? No problem. It’s a Build-a-bear 25,000 feet in the air!
Eva Air
You know what’s great about this picture? It’s so pretty to look at that you don’t even realise the tub of Haagen Dazs in the top left corner. Any airline that stocks that deserves endless praise. As for the rest: no complaints (minus the prawns). The thought that has gone into the presentation is what makes this one sing.
Cathay Pacific Airways
Very good, Cathay Pacific Airways. Very good indeed. That quality of scrambled eggs, on a plane no less, is not to be sneered at. Pour it over a crunchy slice of sourdough with some avocado, salmon and tomato and you know you’re in safe hands. And if you get bored, you can always move onto the bun and croissant!
Air France
Granted the whole “we invented haute cuisine” thing, French airlines don’t have the option to stiff their customers when it comes to grub. This is pretty classy, and the presentation is good. They haven’t dropped it all into a plastic bowl. Punters get a chance to mix and match whenever they please. If they fancy a cheese dessert then that’s what they’ll get.
Japan Airlines
Anything you can do, the Japanese can do better. They really can, though. Introduce them to any cuisine and they’ll improve it tenfold. This meal right here may look undesirable but believe us, it’ll probably be the nicest thing you ever eat on a plane. Why? Because the Japanese mean business. Business class.
Emirates
Emirates had to come out with the goods. You can’t pride yourself as the snazziest airline and serve sausage and mash. What a nice, colourful few bowls we have here. Steamed vegetables, boiled chicken, jasmine rice, smoked salmon and a little cake for after. Let’s ignore the size of the pure spring water.
All Nippon Airways
Why don’t more airlines do noodle-based dishes? They’re cheap, easy to cook and even easier to make nice. Seriously, cook some noodles and chopped vegetables together with some spices and you’ve got 200 happy tummies on a plane. All Nippon Airways don’t stop there though, offering a miniature fondue and some fish cuts.
Singapore Airlines
Singapore’s Changi Airport is consistently ranked the best in the world so the country’s airline can’t be doing half measures. Qiu Lian Ban Mian, Song Fa Bak Kuh Teh, and Rumah Makan Minang Nasi Padang are just some of the luxury dishes you can have aboard one of their flights. Look at that cheesecake pictured above. Just look at it. 10/10.
