This article previously appeared at Strong Mind, Brave Heart
The identity loss stage
Usually, the first stage a relationship goes through is the identity loss stage. Essentially, this marks the period of time when you and your partner are so obsessed with each other that you disappear into each other’s company. You might stop making time for friends, let hobbies fall by the wayside, and even pick up your partner’s way of speaking, dressing or acting.
The honeymoon phase
The honeymoon phase is one of the most pleasant relationship phases, at least for those who are experiencing it. During this phase, you might feel comfortably blanketed in the first blush of romance, with your partner going out of their way to surprise you with gifts, plan elaborate dates and shower you with words of affirmation. It’s unsustainable and a little exhausting, but it’s a lot of fun.
The doubting phase
The doubting phase is an unavoidable hallmark of any relationship that’s on its way to becoming serious. As the honeymoon phase dwindles and things settle down into the comfortable rhythm of a real partnership, couples can panic over whether the relationship can survive without the flowery, emotional speeches and weekly boxes of chocolates.
The power struggle phase
The power struggle phase can sometimes be a natural consequence of getting comfortable in a relationship. Suddenly, the safety and predictability trigger a need for more excitement, which can be created by picking fights and thus increasing turbulence. The power struggles should be able to be resolved with intentionality and compromise, but if not, the relationship might not be the best fit.
The “let it go” phase
The let-it-go phase has been documented in movies and TV for decades. In a happy, healthy and stable relationship, there’s a natural relaxing of some of the rules and standards you’ve held yourself to while dating. You might allow yourself to gain a little bit of weight, skip the gym more often or not be as vigilant about shaving, and that’s fine!
The roommates phase
Unfortunately, the let it go phase can also lead to the roommates phase, where both people in the relationship settle into seeing each other more as platonic friends who they live with than romantic and desirable interests. This often means fighting over the dishwasher being loaded wrong or the TV remote sitting in the wrong place.
The dry spell phase
Unfortunately, being stuck in the roommate phase can affect your relationship. Spend enough time bickering over the laundry sitting out for too long and you might find that any activity in the bedroom dries up. Seeing your partner as desirable again means focussing on dating and emotional intimacy, as physical intimacy is then sure to follow.
The uncovered baggage stage
The working through baggage stage is inevitable in any long-term, serious relationship. Everyone has hangups or sensitivities that they picked up from prior romantic relationships or from their upbringing, and it’s difficult to avoid subconsciously enacting these behaviors on others, or compensating for them in odd ways. In this stage, both partners become aware of the baggage they carry, and try to change.
The pattern-breaking stage
If you’re lucky, after the uncovering baggage stage comes the pattern-breaking stage. In this stage, both partners do the hard work of walking through their behaviors and the experiences that created them in the first place, in a conscious effort to move past them. If successful, they will then adopt healthier communication strategies and enjoy a better relationship because of it.
The reignition phase
The last stage many relationships go through is the reignition phase, where passion and adoration come to the surface once more after a period of introspection, distraction or doldrums. This may come with increased physical intimacy but is most exemplified by a commitment to not taking your partner for granted, and balancing making time for them with other important commitments like work or education.
