The Hustle (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels)
Most readers who were around in the 1980s are likely to have a fond memory of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The 1988 comedy directed by Frank Oz starred Michael Caine and Steve Martin as rival con men. However, even though 2019’s The Hustle was made far more recently, we expect most readers have forgotten all about it already.
Almost released under the title Nasty Women, The Hustle was a gender-reversed take on the story starring Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson. It should of course be pointed out that Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was itself a remake of 1964’s Bedtime Story. However, unlike The Hustle, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was actually funny, and worth watching more than once.
The Fog
Director John Carpenter’s 1980 supernatural chiller The Fog is widely regarded as one of the best horror movies of its time. A modernised take on a classic ghost story format, the film sees a small coastal town come under attack by murderous phantom pirates. While plenty of fans would call the original a classic, the same can most definitely not be said of director Rupert Wainwright’s remake.
The 2005 take on Carpenter’s film has flashier visuals, but none of the panache of what went before. 2005’s The Fog is a lifeless, by-the-numbers horror movie with no scares, the likes of which we’ve seen too often in the last 20 years. Tellingly, while original director John Carpenter is credited as a producer on the remake, the filmmaker says all he did was show up on set one day to say hello.
Clash of the Titans
1981 Greek myth adaptation Clash of the Titans is one of the most enduring, influential fantasy films of its era. Significantly, the film was the last hurrah of Ray Harryhausen, pioneer of stop-motion animation effects. The film makes beautiful use of Harryhausen’s signature creature work in retelling the classic story of Perseus and Medusa.
By contrast, the 2010 remake attempted to cash in on renewed popularity of 3D in the wake of Avatar, even going so far as to cast Avatar’s leading man Sam Worthington. Alas, despite some impressive CGI monster work, director Louis Letterier’s film failed miserably thanks to a messy script and half-hearted performances. Despite poor reviews, the Clash of the Titans remake did well enough commercially to spawn sequel Wrath of the Titans.
Friday the 13th
When the original Friday the 13th opened way back in 1980, no one could have anticipated what it would lead to. Against all odds, director Sean S. Cunningham’s low-budget slasher became a massive hit, influencing a slew of imitators. The film also launched a franchise, with ten sequels made to date (ending with 2003’s A Nightmare on Elm Street crossover Freddy Vs. Jason).
By 2009, horror reboots were all the rage, and it was decided that it was time for Friday the 13th to get that same treatment. While some fans enjoyed the brutality of director Marcus Nispel’s new take on Friday the 13th, its overly downbeat tone is at odds with the original series. Despite the goriness of the original films, there was a light-hearted sense of fun to them which the remake sorely lacks.
Arthur
1981 comedy Arthur is one of the signature movies of British comedy legend Dudley Moore. Director Steve Gordon’s film casts Moore as a drunken millionaire playboy who falls in love with a waitress (Liza Minelli). When a remake came up, Russell Brand seemed the obvious choice for the title role.
Oftentimes, however, the most obvious choice turns out to be the least inspired one. Small wonder, then, that 2011’s remake of Arthur came and went with barely anyone noticing. To his credit, Russell Brand has admitted that he “made a mistake” in choosing to appear in the film.
The Karate Kid
Director John G. Avildsen’s 1984 hit The Karate Kid was a landmark film for children of the 80s. Millions related to the story of Ralph Macchio’s bullied teen, who seeks redemption through learning karate under Pat Morita’s philosophical sensei Miyagi. The Karate Kid spawned three sequels (including the largely forgotten 90s semi-reboot), and its legacy lives on in recent TV series Cobra Kai.
Sadly, not even martial arts legend Jackie Chan could save the 2010 remake of The Karate Kid from mediocrity. Featuring new characters but a similar premise, the 2010 film casts Jaden Smith as a youngster picked on by martial artists when he moves to China. Centring the action on pre-teens just feels wrong, and the title doesn’t even make sense considering this time around the kid learns kung fu.
RoboCop
Director Paul Verhoeven’s 1987 classic RoboCop stands proud as one of the greatest sci-fi action thrillers of the era. With its sleek visuals, profanity-strewn dialogue and excessive violence, it’s a huge favourite of action fans. However, RoboCop has also been noted as an intelligent satire on corporate culture in the ‘greed is good’ 80s. RoboCop spawned two sequels, neither of which lived up to the original – and any attempt to remake it was always going to be a thankless task.
Unsurprisingly, the PG-13 rated 2014 take on RoboCop wound up utterly underwhelming, lacking as it does both the visceral power and sharp sophistication of the original. Both director José Padilha and leading man Joel Kinnaman have spoken of their disappointment about how the remake turned out.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Of all the horror classics to have been remade in the last 20 years, 1984’s A Nightmare on Elm Street offered a particular challenge. In a lot of 80s horror movies, the killer was just a big guy in a mask, and as such was fairly easy to replace. However, the Nightmare on Elm Street series boasted the truly iconic work of actor Robert Englund, as the dream-stalking serial killer Freddy Krueger.
Watchmen actor Jackie Earle Haley was a fine choice to take over as Freddy in the 2010 remake – but that’s about the only thing the movie got right. The first film from music video and commercial director Samuel Bayer (who, tellingly, hasn’t made another film since), the Nightmare on Elm Street remake reeks of apathy. The script is weak, the new Freddy make-up design is poor, and it doesn’t feel like anyone behind the camera was even trying.
Annie
The 1982 big screen adaptation of Broadway musical Annie has always been a bit too cutesy for some tastes. Directed by the esteemed John Huston, the film cast Aileen Quinn as the little orphan adopted by millionaire Daddy Warbucks (Albert Finney). It spawned TV movie sequel Annie: A Royal Adventure! and was also remade outright for TV in 1999, before the second big screen adaptation came in 2014.
Casting Quvenzhané Wallis in the title role, this updated take on the premise sees the little orphan taken by Jamie Foxx’s wealthy mayoral candidate Will Stacks. While a reasonable box office hit, the Annie remake was almost universally blasted by critics as half-baked and lazy. Attempts to make the music a bit more hip by adding new songs and contemporary elements only make the whole thing more cringe-inducing.
Red Dawn
Director John Milius’ action-adventure Red Dawn is one of those films that really only could have been made in the 80s. The 1984 film sees middle America come under attack by invading forces commanded by the USSR. A band of youngsters including Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson then take up arms to fight back.
Red Dawn is so deeply rooted in the anti-Soviet sentiment that was rife at the time, it’s hard to see how that concept could work in the post-Cold War years. Small wonder that the 2012 remake (which replaces Patrick Swayze with Chris Hemsworth, and the Soviets with North Koreans) failed so miserably. Infamously, the Red Dawn remake’s invaders were initially Chinese, but the aggressor was hastily changed to North Korea in post-production to avoid an international incident.
The Thing
Director John Carpenter’s 1982 sci-fi horror The Thing was itself a remake of 1951’s The Thing from Another World. However, this was one of the rare remakes to surpass the original; it was also one of the most inventive, well-made films of the decade. Although it flopped on release, Carpenter’s The Thing has long since been acknowledged as a masterpiece.
The 2011 take on The Thing was officially presented as a prequel to the 1982 film. Critics and audiences weren’t fooled, however, recognising it as simply a lazy rehash of Carpenter’s film. Most damningly, where the 1982 film boasted practical FX work which is still astonishing today, the 2011 film opted for generic CGI.
Ghostbusters
Director Ivan Reitman’s supernatural comedy Ghostbusters is unquestionably one of the most beloved films of the 80s, although the sequel isn’t so well-loved. A third film in the series had been stuck in development hell for years, before finally being cancelled with the death of actor/co-writer Harold Ramis. Fans were still eager for more Ghostbusters adventures – but almost no one liked the idea of a remake.
When director Paul Feig announced plans to remake the film with an all-female cast, some of the less enlightened fans of the 1984 supernatural comedy classic were quick to voice their displeasure. Sadly, even those who weren’t opposed to the gender swap had to admit that 2016’s Ghostbusters simply didn’t work. The plot and characters are a mess, and both the laughs and the scares are thin on the ground.
Red Dragon (Manhunter)
1986 thriller Manhunter was the first screen adaptation of Thomas Harris’ novel Red Dragon. Directed by Michael Mann, the film stars William Petersen (later of TV’s CSI) as Will Graham, an FBI agent on the trail of a serial killer. It also co-stars Brian Cox as another serial killer previously captured by Graham – a certain Dr. Hannibal Lecktor (the spelling inexplicably changed from the original book’s Lecter).
Manhunter flopped on release, but has since been reappraised as a classic 80s thriller – and it helped set the stage for the hit movie based on Harris’ follow-up novel The Silence of the Lambs. Following 2001’s sequel Hannibal, Red Dragon was once again filmed – this time under its original title – with Anthony Hopkins playing Lecter for the third and final time. Unfortunately, director Brett Ratner’s film has neither the style nor the substance of Mann’s earlier and far superior adaptation.
Overboard
1987 romantic comedy Overboard is renowned for starring one of Hollywood’s most enduring real-life couples, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. The film casts Hawn as a conceited rich heiress, who refuses to pay lowly carpenter Russell for rebuilding her closet. When she falls off her yacht and is struck down with amnesia, the carpenter sees a chance for payback, by pretending to be her husband, and taking her home to care for him and his four sons. The concept may be a bit creepy when you really think about it, but on the whole Overboard is such a good-natured, sweet film that it’s hard not to get caught up in it.
2018 saw Overboard remade, once again with a gender reversal: this time, Goldie Hawn lookalike Anna Faris is the working-class single mother with three daughters, whilst Eugenio Derbez is the spoiled rich layabout. The gender-swap notwithstanding, there’s very little about the Overboard remake that stands apart from what went before, and the chemistry of the original leads is sadly lacking in Faris and Derbez.
Footloose
1984 musical drama Footloose is one of those quintessentially 80s hits which really captured the mood of the era. Kevin Bacon ascended to star status as a big city teen whose wild ways cause a stir in a conservative country town where dancing is banned. Director Herbert Ross’ film offers up that tricky balance of heartfelt drama and pure cheese that only worked in the decade that taste forgot.
This naturally begs the question of why anyone would consider remaking Footloose, beyond the fact that it’s a marketable title that people still recognise today. Even with the surprisingly edgy director Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow, Coming 2 America) calling the shots, the 2011 Footloose remake falls flat. New leading man Kenny Wormald can’t match the charisma of Kevin Bacon, and the story just doesn’t work as well in a contemporary context.
Poltergeist
Director Tobe Hooper and writer-producer Steven Spielberg’s 1982 hit Poltergeist is one of the most spectacular horror films ever made. It’s as loaded with jaw-dropping special effects as any Spielbergian blockbuster – but it’s also truly terrifying. The two sequels proved a bit of a let-down, but all these years later the original hasn’t lost an ounce of its power.
Poltergeist has also long been plagued by urban legends claiming that the film is cursed, thanks in part to the deaths of two of its young cast members. There were those that claimed the Poltergeist curse was still in effect when producer Sam Raimi and director Gil Kenan remade the film in 2015. As with so many remakes, the new film failed to find an identity of its own, and just wound up feeling profoundly pointless.
Love Don’t Cost a Thing (Can’t Buy Me Love)
1987 rom-com Can’t Buy Me Love isn’t necessarily regarded as one of the great 80s teen movies. Patrick Dempsey stars as a high school loser who pays Amanda Peterson’s cheerleader $1,000 to pose as his girlfriend. While it may attempt to critique the social hierarchies of adolescence, Can’t Buy Me Love ultimately winds up a fairly standard young love fantasy.
As it’s hardly the best-remembered film of the 80s, it’s doubtful too many people were upset when Can’t Buy Me Love got a remake in 2003. The new version, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, cast Nick Cannon as the nerd and Christina Milian as the popular girl. While inoffensive enough, Love Don’t Cost a Thing failed to stand apart either as a remake or a teen rom-com in its own right.
The Hitcher
1986’s The Hitcher is a unique blend of horror and action thriller, hinging on an iconic performance from Rutger Hauer. The legendary Blade Runner actor lends his distinctive sinister sensibilities to the part of John Ryder, an enigmatic hitch-hiking serial killer. C. Thomas Howell plays a young man on a cross-country drive whose journey goes straight to hell when he foolishly gives Ryder a lift.
Though considered a cult classic, The Hitcher remains fairly unknown by many – so production house Platinum Dunes considered it fair game for a remake in 2007. While Sean Bean was a promising replacement for Hauer, this new interpretation of The Hitcher lacks the subtle underlying creepiness of the original. Instead, the remake takes more of a crash-bang-wallop approach, with a greater emphasis on violence, gore and flashy visuals.
Vacation
Few could have anticipated the impact that National Lampoon’s Vacation would have on Hollywood comedy. The 1983 movie, centred on a family holiday in which pretty much everything goes wrong, presented what proved to be a winning formula. This resulted in a slew of further Vacation movies in the years that followed, most of which saw the return of leading couple Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo.
Chase and D’Angelo also make a brief appearance in 2015’s Vacation, officially a sequel but essentially a remake of the 1983 original. Ed Helms plays the grown-up version of original series character Rusty Griswold, who endeavours to recreate his memorable childhood road trip with his own wife (Christina Applegate) and their kids. The results are sadly lacklustre, with an over-abundance of feeble gross-out jokes which generally fail to land.
Child’s Play
1988’s Child’s Play presented arguably the last great slasher movie icon of the decade: the evil possessed doll Chucky. The following three decades saw six sequels made – and unusually for a long-running horror series, the same core creative team was behind them all. Screenwriter Don Mancini, producer David Kirschner and Chucky voice actor Brad Dourif spearheaded the entire Child’s Play series, and in early 2019 they announced plans to continue the franchise with TV series Chucky.
There was just one issue: at the same time the show was announced, a remake of the original Child’s Play was in post-production, ahead of a summer 2019 theatrical release. Long-standing fans of the series were outraged – but they needn’t have worried too much, as the Child’s Play remake proved a bit of a flop. Not even the esteemed voice actor Mark Hamill could prove an adequate replacement for Dourif as Chucky (in this case an AI toy gone wrong, rather than a doll possessed with the spirit of a murderer).
Fame
Thanks to its memorable theme song, 1980 musical drama Fame tends to be misremembered as something very frothy and light-hearted. In fact, director Alan Parker’s look into the lives of students at an exclusive performing arts school is surprisingly hard-edged, tackling mature themes. Still, while the movie itself is rated R, the TV spin-off series and the success of the band Kids from Fame ensured that the franchise reached a young audience.
However, when studio MGM decided to remake Fame in 2009, it was very much with the PG audience in mind. Dance-based movies were enjoying a resurgence at the time, in the wake of such hits as the Step Up series. Unsurprisingly, the Fame remake is pitched along these lines, showing lots of happy youngsters smiling and busting moves – but it lacks any real depth.
Prom Night
1980 horror Prom Night is a simple but entertaining entry in the initial wave of slasher movies. There are two key elements that make the film memorable: the presence of Halloween legend Jamie Lee Curtis, and its groovy disco soundtrack (which was already dated by 1980!). In the years since, Prom Night has remained in the popular consciousness in part because of how heavily it’s referenced in 1996 classic Scream.
As Hollywood seemed determined to rehash every well-known 80s horror movie in the 2000s, it came as little surprise when a new Prom Night landed in 2008. A red flag went up for horror fans straight away when this version of Prom Night came with a PG-13 certificate attached; the words ‘slasher’ and ‘family-friendly’ really don’t go together. Quite apart from the toned-down content, the 2008 Prom Night also struggles with its painfully formulaic nature, totally wasting the talents of such respectable supporting actors as Idris Elba and Ming-Na Wen.
Endless Love
Despite being directed by the esteemed Franco Zeffirelli, 1981’s Endless Love is not generally held up as any kind of classic. Based on Scott Spencer’s darker novel, the film turned what had been a sinister tale of obsession into a rather sappy romance. Today, the film is best remembered for Lionel Richie and Diana Ross’ theme song, and for giving Tom Cruise his first movie role.
Considering how badly the original film botched the source material, there was clearly scope for Endless Love to get a more faithful remake. Unfortunately, when director Shana Feste’s new take on the novel arrived in 2014, the results were arguably even worse. Author Scott Spencer was particularly damning of the remake, complaining that his original work had been “egregiously and ridiculously misunderstood.”
Dirty Dancing
Love it or hate it, there’s no denying that Dirty Dancing is one of the definitive movies of the 1980s. The music-fuelled, 60s-set tale of summer romance between Patrick Swayze’s Johnny and Jennifer Grey’s Baby became pivotal for millions. The film has long since been so iconic, it seemed like no one would ever have the gall to attempt a remake.
However, in 2017 a Dirty Dancing remake did indeed hit screens – although as it was just a TV movie, a lot of people didn’t notice. While the casting of Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine, Zombieland) impressed some, most viewers were left wondering quite why the filmmakers had bothered. Adding new elements which don’t really work, and otherwise more or less presenting a carbon copy of what went before, the Dirty Dancing remake was fighting a losing battle from the start.
Day of the Dead
1985’s Day of the Dead is the concluding instalment in the initial zombie trilogy of pioneering horror director George A. Romero. 1968’s Night of the Living Dead had shown the beginnings of a zombie outbreak, whilst 1979 sequel Dawn of the Dead sent it nationwide. Day of the Dead, meanwhile, shows the last-ditch efforts of humanity to survive in a world where the dead have completely taken over.
After the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead proved far better than expected, hopes were high that a new take on Day of the Dead could enjoy similar success. Alas, this was not to be. 2008’s Day of the Dead was a half-baked mess that completely failed to do justice to what went before, and was happily ignored by the wider audience.
Fatal Attraction
Fatal Attraction is one of Michael Douglas’ best known films, and he and Glenn Close were superb in the 1987 original. Nobody who has watched this film will ever forget that scene with the bunny. The TV adaption from earlier this year (yes, 2023) is hard to reconcile with the film – maybe don’t bother. Watch the movie instead!
Conan the Barbarian
Even the majestic Jason Momoa can’t redeem this cheesy rehash of the Schwarzenegger original, which was pretty two-dimensional even in 1982. There’s always time for a bit of bravado and battle, but this lackluster effort from 2011 isn’t a patch on the first, despite how closely it sticks to its inspiration. Just goes to show how much character Arnie brought to the movie.
About Last Night
Kevin Hart is a funny guy, and he brings his inimitable humor to the 2014 remake of this charming 1986 romcom, but that doesn’t save it from being too cut-and-paste to warrant watching with any degree of effort on the viewer’s part. It has all the originality of a ChatGPT plot, and about as much personality. Sorry Kevin, not your finest 90-odd minutes.
Hairspray
In today’s world of equal opportunity, there could be scope for a top-quality remake of the 1988 original, but sadly the 2007 version is about as corny as the dance show’s presenter, Corny Collins. Even the stellar appearance of John Travolta in drag can’t redeem it. Travolta lacks much self-awareness, and the honorable racial integration plot gets a bit lost in the pristine choreography and dazzling smiles.
Firestarter
We often ask ourselves why perfectly acceptable films are remade – and this is one such example. The original 1984 adaptation of one of Stephen King’s lesser-known books was pretty good, and Drew Barrymore was excellent as the titular fire starter. Fast-forward almost three decades and we find Zac Efron failing to save this limp 2022 rehash from mediocrity.
My Bloody Valentine
The original 1981 film is apparently Quentin Tarantino’s favourite slasher movie, which prompts the question of what he thought of the remake. Whilst the 2009 version was released with a 3D option at the cinema, that doesn’t necessarily excuse the rather generic feel that this is basically just one more gorefest, only worth your 100 minutes if you’re a fan of slasher films.
Hellraiser
Horror is, for many, a real love-it-or-hate-it film genre, and the original 1987 Hellraiser certainly falls well into that category. For fans though, Hellraiser is a classic and certainly doesn’t warrant a remake. That’s not to suggest that the 2022 version is really bad – if you’re not a diehard fan of the first, then you might enjoy it, but if it’s one of your all-time favourites, pass this up.
Sorority Row (The House on Sorority Row)
Based on the 1982 original, this retro remake from 2009 doesn’t give you anything new – expect the usual predictable deaths and screaming teens. Having said that, Carrie Fisher does make an interesting cameo as the house mother, and there are moments of humor. Good job this film can laugh at itself, as it’s pretty laughable.
The Stepfather
It would be hard to surpass the performance of Terry O’Quinn (also known for his standout role as John Locke in Lost) in the 1987 original. Yet for some reason, the 2009 remake attempted to. Not to disparage Dylan Walsh, but when the original was so good, why bother to make it again? Nothing new here, and nothing special.
Evil Dead (The Evil Dead)
You might have noticed a theme – very often, remakes are of horror films, and this is a case in point. However, this time we’re seeing a remake of a classic with the original director, the legendary Sam Raimi, on hand as producer. Hard to imagine why, when the 1981 original was so notorious, the 2013 remake would be so lacking in anything new or notable.
Miami Vice
Big fans of the original 1984 to 1989 TV series, walk away now. Don’t even read this summary, it will make you angry. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx are creditable actors, but in this macho 2006 adaptation, there’s too much testosterone and no sense of fun or self-deprecation. What a pity. It’s watchable enough if you like swagger and action, but it has lost all the original Miami Vice warmth.
Fright Night
Don’t allow the great cast of the 2011 remake fool you. The original Fright Night from back in 1985 was pretty scary, but this updated version can at best only call itself amusing. It’s as if it’s trying so hard to be witty, clever and cool that it misses the point of a vampire film – fear. No fear of this one giving you nightmares.
April Fool’s Day
OK, cards on the table. You may not know the 1986 original, let alone the straight-to-video remake from 2008. The original slasher was clever, creating tension without lots of gore, the acting was great, and the location and music score were beautiful. It’s hard to see the merits of the remake. In fact, there don’t appear to be any, unless you are especially keen on one of the cast.
Gloria
A top-notch film in its original incarnation, where Gena Rowlands was superb as the titular Gloria. The 1980 version was gritty (read: not polished and unrealistic), and Rowlands was Oscar-nominated for her fantastic performance. Now, Sharon Stone is another great actress, but she can’t carry this second-rate 1999 remake, even with her astonishing pins.
Halloween II
Why anyone want to attempt improving upon the classic that is John Carpenter’s Halloween is a mystery. 1981’s original Halloween II sees Jamie Lee Curtis reprising her original role, and it’s good. Unsurprisingly, Carpenter declined a cameo in Rob Zombie’s 2009 remake of Halloween II, because this is some killer, but way too much filler. And far too much humanizing of the terrifying Michael Myers.
The Vanishing
Without giving away any spoilers, the original 1988 version was incredibly dark with a memorable ending. Despite being made by the same director, the only memorable thing about the 1993 remake was how trite and disappointing the ending was, especially compared to the superior original. Even the notable cast don’t make this worthy of watching – oh, and don’t confuse with the unrelated 2019 film of the same name.
Pure Luck
You’d have to pretty unlucky to have watched this tired remake of the 1981 French version, which itself is a reasonable effort starting Gerard Depardieu. A decade later (yep, 1991), it was remade for international audiences, but you have to ask – why bother. Despite top billing from Martin Short and Danny Glover, it’s the worst kind of sitcom. Nothing to recommend this, but if you like the concept, try the original.
Pathfinder
One way to take a decent film and remake it into garbage is to change the original to something that never existed. This is one such example, with the 1987 original being based on a Lapland legend, and the 2007 remake with Native Americans instead of the Lapps, and Vikings in place of Scandinavian tribes. What is left is a dreary hollow of the original. Don’t waste your time.
Silent Night
OK, it might be a bit of a stretch to call the original a classic. Having said that, fans of slasher films might deem Silent Night, Deadly Night from back in 1984 to be so. On that basis, the 2012 remake came to life, although it’s largely void of any. Just one more unnecessary slasher remake. Santa can put this one on his naughty list.
The Watcher In The Woods
Take a cult classic like this one and see if the remake is better. Oh, hang on. It isn’t. Even Oscar-winning Angelica Huston can’t save it from falling into the pit of mediocrity. The 1980 original had Bette Davis as the distressed mother, and the 2017 remake went straight TV. What a surprise.
Maniac
Maniac, a controversial slasher from 1980, is in itself a remake of the 1934 original. Having said that, it’s everything that is great about slasher films, with amazing special effects and a truly disturbed feeling about it. The 2012 remake starring Elijah Wood is, despite being a slasher film, just too gory, with not much else to recommend about it. Stick to the original – or the original remake, in this case.
21 Jump Street
If you’re not au fait with the TV series (which ran from 1987 to 1991), it’s worth a watch, especially for fans of Johnny Depp. Not so the 2012 film adaptation, which is just another exercise in watching Channing Tatum prove his mediocre acting skills. Jonah Hill is in it too. Both are pretty good at goofing around but that’s the best to be said for them.
City of Angels (Wings of Desire)
Confession time … some of us might have enjoyed this remake at the time it was released (back in 1998), or from the couch. Having said that, if you have seen the original and brilliant Wings of Desire from 1987, you would realize how cheesy and stunted the remake is. Sorry Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan, but this movie takes itself too seriously.
Herbie Fully Loaded (Herbie Goes Bananas)
OK, so there were other, better Herbie movies before the 1980 version, but if you’re a fan of Herbie you probably liked it. It still has that inimitable Herbie charm about it. Unfortunately this was not the case in the 2005 rehash starring Lindsay Lohan, meaning an anti-climactic return for the little VW Beetle. Utterly run-of-the-mill.
Children of the Corn
Yep, it’s a Stephen King short story adaptation. That in itself makes you question the quality. Yet the original 1984 film has been remade – twice! It wasn’t bad as horror films go, but both the remakes (from 2009 and 2020) are dreadful. There have been any number of poor films inspired by the story, so maybe give most a wide berth.
Mother’s Day
The original 1980 movie was pretty cheesy with a wacky plot, but it had some laughs, and of course the necessary gore to make it reasonably enjoyable. Step up Rebecca De Mornay in the 2010 remake, with its own plot adaptations, and you lose what made the first any good but with no compensation. Disappointing.
The Little Mermaid
Hands down, the 1989 Disney animation of The Little Mermaid was one of its best, brimful of pure magic and with some great songs. Classic Disney. So as good as Halle Bailey was as Ariel (and she was fantastic), it’s really hard to watch CGI-generated talking animals – even those from 2023. As has been said before, you can’t improve on perfection.
Slumber Party Massacre
A classic slasher, this one from 1982, and a pretty straightforward concept. It’s quite humorous as well as having the expected violence and gore. The 2021 remake tries to be clever, including an equivalent boys’ sleepover across the lake, and the girls are pretty savvy, but it loses the 1980s charm. Nothing awful about it, but nothing of any real quality either.
The A-Team
So many people loved The A-Team. That’s stating the blindingly obvious. So you could go so far as to call it sacrilegious to make a movie of it (released in 2010), starring Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper. OK, not bad casting but the original from 1983 to 1987 was so revered, it’s hard to find much of merit, aside from the action.
The Shining
Take a Stanley Kubrick classic (even if Stephen King wasn’t keen), and make it into a show? Yep. And Stephen King was on board for this 1997 TV series. It doesn’t have the sinister feel of the 1980 original or the convincingly creepy Jack Nicholson to do it justice, so even if it’s watchable, it’s not a patch on the original.
