Give your all at all times
Knowledge is being aware that a marriage is a partnership, but wisdom is knowing that that doesn’t mean it’s equitable all of the time. According to couples that have been together for a long time, giving 50% and hoping that your partner will do the same is a recipe for resentment when life gets in the way. Better to both give it your all when you can.
Going to bed angry is actually ok
“Never go to bed angry” is an age-old idiom, but it’s not actually that smart. Just before bed is the absolute worst time to have a lengthy, measured and respectful discussion, as you’re likely to be tired and irritable and have to get up early the next morning. Deal with one night of awkwardness, and tackle the issue with fresh eyes together in the morning.
Never stop dating your partner
Whether you’ve been together for ten months or ten years, continuing to date your partner as if you’re still in the honeymoon phase is the secret to a happy and long-lasting relationship. Whether that’s breakfast in bed on Sundays, random flowers and love notes just because, or always pulling out their chair for them at restaurants, cherishing your partner will help keep things fresh and fun.
Pursue individual hobbies
There’s no way to have a healthy relationship with your partner if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself, and that means developing interests, hobbies and passions that are just yours. Spending time doing things that make you happy away from your other half, and making sure they have time to do the same, will only make your bond stronger in the long run.
Play to your strengths
While no relationship can ever be perfectly equal, it is important to do what you can to keep things running smoothly, according to couples who have been together for decades. If you hate cooking but could do dishes forever, then that’s awesome! Stick to doing the washing up, rather than making your fair share of meals and feeling bitter about it.
Know you can’t win every argument
It isn’t pleasant or romantic, but fighting is an unavoidable part of any long-term, serious relationship. Those that have been together for a long time know that the important thing is realising that the health of your relationship is more important than being right. During conflicts, you should work together to solve the problem, rather than trying to win the argument at all costs.
Little differences don’t matter
The romantic wisdom of opposites attract is often true, but it’s important to recognise which differences make a relationship stronger, and which will require some additional effort on each party’s part. According to experienced couples, any amount of superficial differences can be overcome, as long as your opinions on major things like marriage, children and money are aligned.
Be each other’s number-one supporter
One of the best things about being in a relationship for a long time is having someone in your corner no matter what. That’s why it’s your responsibility to be your partner’s number one supporter in all their endeavours. Whether that means going to their pottery showcases, reading their short stories or cheering them on from the sidelines at marathons, their interests should be important to you too.
Communication really does matter
According to couples who have been together for a long time, one thing is always worth remembering: almost any obstacle can be overcome, as long as your communication skills are up to snuff. You might want to schedule regular dinner table check-ins, pay a couple’s therapist or just practise voicing your concerns, but you should do something to invest in your communication as a couple.
Have shared interests
While it’s important to have your own interests and hobbies whether you’re in a relationship or not, there are few things as joyful as sharing an activity you love with someone you love. Making a point to cook with your partner, attend tango lessons together or just go on long romantic walks can strengthen your bond and give you more happy memories to enjoy.
