Not to mention the fact that your sensitivity increases by about 10 million volts and you just want to get it on all. the. time.
Ain't life a bitch, ladies? Such, such a bitch.
There's an increased risk of barfing all over your partner while giving them oral sex. Or, y'know, immediately before giving oral sex just at the mere THOUGHT of doing it because let's face it, it's not always the joy we pretend it is.
You think you have a crappy gag reflex? Well just wait until you try it while pregnant. Also, morning sex? I wouldn't. You're literally just asking for trouble with that one.
Even if it's in aisle 3 of your local grocery store (Do NOT ask).
The time-consuming awkwardness of trying to find a position that actually freakin' works and you can both actually enjoy for more than 3 seconds. Yes, your big ole' belly is beautiful and currently growing a tiny human inside of it - but boy oh BOY is it bloody inconvenient.
All for you to just completely give up, grab your trusty pregnancy pillow so you can turn it into your trusty sex pillow and all of a sudden you're having one of the strangest threesome (or maybe that should be foursomes!?) of your life... probably. But lord does it feel GOOD!
Yep, that's right, they'll all be involved in some of the freakiest, most vivid sexual fantasies you have ever had in your life.
But hey, I won't say that they don't come in handy... especially when your partner is otherwise occupied somewhere. Ain't nothing wrong with grabbing a little "me time" and putting those weird dreams to good use. You're growing a human in your tummy, you deserve it!
And then there are those times when it feels like you've literally never had a libido in your LIFE and the thought of doing anything sexual whatsoever, even holding hands, makes you want to scream and strangle somebody. Honestly, your partner deserves a medal... one minute you're trying to climb them like a tree and the other you're trying to climb a tree yourself just to try and get away from them.
Peeing during sex. Yep, total opening of your vaginal floodgates at the most awkward time ever. If you're lucky, someone will get turned on. If not, oopsie.
And then, of course, the times you're so dry down there that it makes the Sahara Desert look like the Atlantic Ocean. Just grab that lube tube lady and go to TOWN!
Oh, did I mention about the fact that - yeah, you're horny 80% of the time - but you're also exhausted 90% of the time because let's face it, you are growing a goddamn HUMAN inside of you and no amount of sheer thrusting can compete with catching those sweet, sweet Z's.
Sometimes it's nice to cry during sex - when you're so overcome with emotion, passion, love, euphoria. Maybe not so much when you look like a big, sad beached whale who doesn't even fit into her sexy lingerie anymore.
Farting like a beast. And not cute little dainty farts — over-the-loudspeaker, motor-running, "What did you eat?" Final Jeopardy farts. If he can keep it up after this, he's definitely a keeper.
Bleeding or spotting a little during or after and TOTALLY freaking out. Is it the baby? Did I hurt it? Was it too hard? What is happening? Should I go to the hospital? I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BLEED ANYMORE. Relax sweety, take a deep breath - it's totally okay.
Milk leaking from your breasts onto your partner like a faulty roof. Sorry sis, there ain't no stopping it. Just go with the flow (literally) or keep your bra on... if your partner gets squeamish, then they're an a*shole.
Another ironic thing about being pregnant - your BOOBS. Your boobs are gonna get big, baby. And I mean BIG. Your partner will become obsessed with how big they are and will not be able to keep their hands off of them.
Unfortunately, they're gonna have to, because they're also gonna be so, so sore that you can't stand for them to be touched, looked at, thought about — seriously, the pain is that real.
Feeling your baby kick during sex due to all the extra excitement. Don't worry, for all the baby knows, you're doing Tae Bo... and it'll be a fun, trauma-inducing story to tell them when they one day turn 18 years old.
And of course, last but not least, those earth-shattering, whole house-rumbling, Bella and Edward vampire-strength orgasms that are so damn good you forget about all the rest and will literally want to do it all over again IMMEDIATELY. If you can stay awake, that is...
Did you enjoy that one? I know I did! In fact, it may be time to grab a little afternoon delight myself! But before that, do you agree with the list?