Their love language
All things considered, a month isn’t that much time to get to know someone. However, while you might not know your partner’s darkest secrets or biggest fears after 30 days, you should at least know how they like to give and receive affection. Being aware of whether they appreciate gifts, acts of service or words of affirmation will help you build a stronger bond going forward.
Their religion
Understandably, many people don’t feel comfortable sharing something as personal and potentially contentious as their religion on the first date. With that said, after a month of seeing each other, you should know your partner’s relationship with God or lack thereof. A person’s religion can affect everything from their opinions on drinking to marriage to raising children, so talking about it relatively early is of tantamount importance.
Whether they want kids
Depending on your age and stage of life, you might not know whether you want children when you start dating a new person. That doesn’t mean it’s not important to be open and honest with your partner about where you are in your journey, though. Better to find out your milestone priorities are out of alignment a month in rather than years down the line.
Their political beliefs
Like religion, politics is something that people can feel shy about sharing with strangers. With that said, given that political differences can spell major problems for a relationship, it’s worth discussing before you’ve been with your partner for a full month. After all, differences in what issues you both feel strongly about can be dealbreakers.
How they approach spending
If you’re planning on being with someone for years or even decades, then finances will become something you’ll need to discuss again and again. Even newly burgeoning relationships require some discussion of finances though, as it’s worth knowing what your partner thinks is the most equitable way to approach dates. Does the inviter always pay? Do you split everything 50/50? Do you take turns?
Any major allergies
This is just a wise and practical move. You don’t want to surprise your new squeeze with the classic box of chocolates and bouquet of roses, only for it to turn out that they have horrendous hay fever and break out in hives after consuming cocoa. Similarly, taking a person with a severe nut allergy out to eat can take a dangerous turn if you’re not properly prepared.
Their stance on pets
Talking about your pet priorities and goals might seem trivial, but it’s actually as crucial as discussing your opinions on marriage and children. For those who dislike or are indifferent to animals, having a slobbery, hairy creature taking up half the bed might seem like a nightmare. Similarly, if you’re a dog or cat lover, having a partner who hates your furbabies might be a no-no.
Biggest pet peeves
Even after just a month of dating, you should know the little things that drive your partner up the wall. If they can’t bear to touch packing peanuts, hate it when people correct their pronunciation or can’t leave the washing up for more than a couple of hours, then knowing those things can help you avoid those early-relationship learning curve squabbles.
Their main hobbies
This one just comes down to being interested and courteous. If you don’t know how your partner spends their time outside of work after a month of dating, then you probably haven’t been paying enough attention. Knowing whether they like to dance all night or curl up on the sofa will help you plan better dates, not to mention pick out better presents.
Their tea or coffee order
Honestly, you should know your beloved’s drink order after maybe the third date, tops. Knowing what to get them at a coffee shop, cafe or bar, and having it ready for them when they arrive for the date, is one of the best ways to show you truly care about your partner. It won’t get you into the dating hall of fame, but it’s a good start.
Their relationship expectations
When it comes to relationships, there’s one question that can make or break the future of your partnership: are you on the same page? Not every relationship is going to last forever, but it’s important to discuss what you want and need early on so that no one gets blindsided by a breakup later on down the line.
Their relationship with their family
It’s important to get to know your partner’s friends and family before you meet them. Ask them about their relationships with their friends and family members to prepare yourself for the first meeting. How do they interact with them? Who is their favourite cousin? It’s important to understand your partner’s family dynamics and how he/she interacts with them.
Their birthday preferences
In any relationship, it’s important to take the other person’s preferences into account. If you’re planning a birthday celebration for your partner, for example, it’s a good idea to find out if they want a big deal made out of the occasion or if they prefer to keep it low-key.
Their sexual preferences
Sex is an important part of any relationship, and if you’re not comfortable discussing it with your partner, it might be time to re-evaluate whether this person is a good fit for you. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page in terms of boundaries to assure that both of you are comfortable.
Their weekly routine
When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s easy to overlook the little things about their routine or habits that might drive you crazy once you move in together. Think about how your routines will mesh together before taking the next step. For example, if you’re a morning person and your partner is a night owl, can you live together in harmony?
Their career goals
A great way to get to know your partner is by learning about their long-term career goals. If your partner wants to change careers in the future to follow their dream, you should be supportive. This may mean making some financial adjustments until your partner gets established in their new field.
Their favourite food
When you know your partner’s favourite comfort food, you can surprise them with it when they have a bad day. If you know what your partner’s favourite foods are, you can make them feel special by surprising them with those dishes and snacks from time to time.
Their best friends
As you get to know your partner’s friends, it’s important to know which friendships are more meaningful to them than others. Take some time to explore the people who are important in your partner’s life. You might discover that they value certain people over others, which can give you a better idea of who they are as a person.
Their relationship history
By now, you should know how many relationships they’ve had and whether they’ve been in a long-term relationship. It’s not important how many relationships they’ve had but rather how they handled them. You can help them reflect on their past relationships by telling them how you think about your own dating history, which will give you clues about the kind of person they are and how they love.
Their thoughts on marriage
When you start dating someone, there are many things to consider. One of the most obvious things is whether or not your partner wants to get married. It’s important to examine your partner’s ideas about commitment, marriage, and partnership. If you ask the right questions before marriage, you can pave the way for long and lasting marital bliss.
If they have any addictions
Trust us, you don’t want to wait six months to find out if your partner has an addiction. It’s best to bring up the subject sooner rather than later – especially if you want a healthy relationship. If they tell you that they used to have an addiction, don’t judge them. Instead, be compassionate and nonjudgmental. Give them praise for being able to let go of something bad.
Their clinginess
Clinginess is usually not obvious until after you’ve been dating someone for a while. If both of you are clingy, then that might be a good sign. If you aren’t so clingy, then just remember that there’s nothing wrong with that either. However, if one person is clingy and makes the other person feel suffocated, the relationship may not last.
How engaged they are
Are you the one who always plans your dates? If so, you may be taking on too much responsibility in your relationship and this imbalance can be exhausting. If you’re dating someone who is passive, let them plan your next date. If they don’t have any ideas and don’t seem to care, this will probably carry on to all areas of your relationship in the future.
Their level of compassion
Bad behaviour can be difficult to see at first, but the signs should become apparent after a month or so. Watch how they treat people who have nothing to offer them. Notice how they treat pets and watch how they react toward those who are suffering. Pay attention to their views on women and people of a different heritage to them.
Their baggage
If there is anything big that could affect how you both live your life if you do get together, then you should know about it by now. If they have children, a pending lawsuit or debt, you should know about it within the first month. These are important things that should be divulged early, and not after months or years of living together.
Their passions
If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t mesh well with someone who isn’t passionate about anything, then figure that out right away. Look back on your conversations, and recall what they’ve said about the things they enjoy doing. Do those things appear to be part of their regular routine? You also want to know if your partner’s interests and preferences match yours.
Their sense of humour
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and don’t know what your partner’s sense of humour is, then it may be time to find out. And if they don’t have one, well, that’s something worth knowing as well. And while you may not have seen them cry yet, you probably know what can make them deeply sad.
How they manage their emotions
If your partner hasn’t gotten angry with you yet, that’s a good sign. They either have a lot of patience or are trying hard not to lose their temper in front of you. But if they have, how do they express their anger? Do they lash out or do they think before they speak? Knowing that someone can express their anger in a responsible way is very important.
How they like to be supported
It’s likely that you’re going to be your partner’s primary support person. You should know how they like to be supported – do they want validation, or do they prefer for you to problem-solve with them? Or do they want a listening ear? Find out what they need so you can give the right kind of support.
How they see their future
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to learn your partner’s vision of family and how it differs from your own. Some people want a big extended family with lots of kids and grandkids; others envision themselves spending their lives island-hopping. Ask your partner about their vision for the future so you can discuss your own and see if they align.
Their dream vacation
Planning a vacation with your partner is an excellent way to bond. You’ll have fun discussing all the places you want to visit, and a fun vacation spot can vary greatly depending on what each of you finds enjoyable. Your partner’s dream vacation can tell you a lot about their character and what they like to do for fun.
How they unwind and destress
It’s easy to tell when someone you’re close to has had a hard day. You can see it on their face or hear it in their voice. Do they have any favourite ways to relax on days like this? It would be good to know since you might be able to help your partner find a way to unwind or at least avoid getting in their own way.
Whether they’re an introvert or an extrovert
The Myers-Briggs personality indicator classifies people as either introverts or extroverts. While it is often easy to identify which category someone falls into, there are instances where the determination can be a little more difficult. However, whether you’re dating an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll have to learn how to navigate a different set of challenges.
Their dietary restrictions
It’s important to know your partner’s dietary habits, whether they’re vegetarian or vegan or just don’t drink alcohol. It’s worth mentioning your own dietary preferences in passing, but don’t dwell on it. Some people will have an issue with such restrictions, but most won’t mind at all.
Their dealbreakers
Another thing you should know about your partner is what types of behaviours or situations would cause them to end a relationship. This can help you avoid these pitfalls. Even if it’s something as unimportant as a bad haircut, you should both know these details about one another.
Their mental health status
Sharing your mental health issues with a potential romantic partner can be an act of selfless love, allowing you to feel less alone as you work through your struggles. When mental health problems such as anxiety and depression are present in your life, it can be hard to maintain good relationships with other people. It’s important to have someone you trust who can support you during these difficult times.
Their views on cheating
When it comes to cheating, different people have different ideas. Some consider looking at porn as a betrayal, while others might not mind. Be really clear about what you consider cheating and discuss it together. You should also establish the importance of being faithful; if you consider cheating a dealbreaker, let them know straight away.
Their boundaries
Building a strong relationship requires communication and mutual respect. The way you set boundaries early in a relationship will affect how your partner treats you later on. Setting guidelines and understanding each other’s boundaries are important to any relationship. Talking about them makes communication easier.
Their college experience
College life offers a wide range of experiences, but one thing is certain: students learn a lot while they’re there. If you want to know more about your partner, asking what his or her major was in college is a good place to start! Ask them about their past and listen to their stories. This can help you get closer to them.
Their bathroom habits
If you’re staying over at your partner’s house, it’s a good idea to find out their bathroom routine so you can plan accordingly. For example, do they prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Do they hog the bathroom whilst getting ready? You should learn these things early on so you can establish whether there are any compromises that need to be made.
Their friendship dynamics
One of the things you should know about your partner is how they like to spend time with their friends. Do they prefer big group get-togethers or do they like one-on-one dinners? Find out how they interact with their friends so you’ll know when it’s OK to ask them to hang out or if you should give them time alone with their pals.
Their perfect day
If you want to surprise your partner with a thoughtful gift, consider what sort of day they’d enjoy most. Do they prefer spending a day indoors relaxing, or would they rather go out and do something fun? Sharing your perfect day with them will not only help you to start on your path to making those dreams come true, but it will also bring you closer together.
Their medical needs
It’s important to know what your partner’s wishes are for end-of-life care in case of emergency. Although this is a difficult topic to discuss, it can help you both feel better prepared for any eventuality. If your partner is unable to communicate their own wishes, you may need to speak up for them.
Their dream hobbies
We all want to improve ourselves in one way or another. For example, some of us want to learn how to play the guitar, improve our Spanish or create the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. Knowing the answer to this question will help you support and encourage each other.
Their blood type
Knowing your partner’s blood type can be helpful in the event of an emergency. It may not be the most romantic thing to ask about, but being able to identify a loved one’s blood type in case of an emergency can help save their life.
Where they spend the holidays
If you and your partner have been together for a long time, you probably already have a routine for your holidays. If not, it’s important to talk about what kinds of holidays you want to spend together. When visiting family during the holidays, couples should agree on how they will handle certain relatives and be prepared for any drama that might occur.
Their favourite movies/shows
If you and your partner are big TV fans, there’s no doubt you already know each other’s favorite shows. But you can also ask about any long-forgotten favorites or about any of their other interests. Knowing what your partner likes can help you share things with them that you both enjoy.
If they have a nickname
Asking about a nickname will not only give you ideas about what to call your new partner, but it can also provide insight into how he or she is viewed by friends and family members. It’s a simple question, but can lead into learning more about your partner and their past.
Their star sign
Although astrology is not a universally accepted ‘science’, it can be interesting and fun to see what your partner’s star chart says about their personality. You can also use your horoscope to determine your compatibility. However, don’t let it be the only factor in your decision!
If they’ve ever cheated
You might think this is a serious question to ask at the beginning of a relationship. It is – but it’s also an important one, because knowing your partner’s attitude toward fidelity and cheating is crucial for any healthy relationship. If your partner cheated in the past, they can explain what happened and promise that it won’t happen again.
Their favourite sports team
Do you and your partner have different favorite sports teams? That’s not necessarily a deal breaker, but it can cause tension if you’re watching opposing playoff games. The important thing is to discuss your differences and try to come up with a solution that works for the two of you.
Their cooking preferences
Before you move in with someone, it’s important to find out if they like to cook and can handle the responsibility. Trying new recipes together can be a fun way to pass the time, whether you’re learning from each other or teaching each other how to cook. It can also be good to know if you’ll be shouldering the responsibility, and whether both of you are OK with that.
What makes them angry
You don’t want to deal with an angry person on a regular basis. It can be a real headache. Everyone gets mad about different things, but if your partner is prone to getting angry, especially out of proportion with the situation, make sure you’re aware of this early on so you can find someone else.
Their after-work routine
When you get home from work, do you go out with friends or prefer to stay in and relax? Do you go to the gym or take your dog for a run? Find out what your partner does to unwind after a long day at the office. This can tell you if they thrive on being around other people or are more comfortable being alone.
Their stressors
Listen to your partner when they talk about their stress. Try to understand why certain things are stressful for them and ask questions about it. This will help you learn more about how they respond to different situations in their work or personal lives. Encourage your partner when they’re feeling worn down.
Their health history
It can be hard to talk about health concerns with a new partner, but it’s important to be open about what you want and need in a relationship. If one or both of you has an STD or mental health struggle, this is something you should know before becoming sexually involved.
Their definition of success
A great way to get to know your partner’s values is through asking this question. What does success mean to them? Is it earning a lot of money? Or maybe starting a family? Both answers are fine, but it’s good to know if you’re on the same page with this person or your moral compass is pointing in different directions.
Their views on counselling
Relationship counselling can be very helpful in strengthening your bond with your partner, whether you go to a professional or have a friend or family member who can help you through hard times. It is a good idea to know upfront if your partner will be willing to go through relationship counselling, since doing so can greatly increase the likelihood of success in your relationship.
Their priorities
It really depends on you and your values, but most guys will probably say career, money, and family. If you are not a top priority for them, do not waste your time. Of course, they should make themselves a priority as well, but if you are not on their list of priorities, it is best to move on.
Why their last relationship ended
In most cases, the answer to this will be complicated. For example, when a couple’s relationship ends, it could be that one person cheated on the other, but often it is because both partners made mistakes or were simply incompatible. A person who’s ready for a serious relationship will answer this question objectively, take responsibility for their actions, and assume some personal accountability.
Their coping mechanisms
When you’re dating someone new, you want to know what coping skills your partner might have for difficult situations. The early stages of a relationship are often rocky, and it takes a lot of discussion and compromise to navigate. If your partner has a hard time communicating and tends to act out in anger when things go wrong, it’s best to know early on.
Your relationship label
Do you want to define your relationship with this person? Do you want to know if it’s going somewhere or if it’s just a casual thing? It’s important to clarify what your relationship status is, especially if you’re in a new relationship. It might be a little awkward to talk about it, but it’s better to do so before anyone gets confused or hurt.
If you’re exclusive
Once you’re a couple, it’s time to decide whether or not you want to be exclusive. Some people are comfortable being in a relationship without any restrictions on their other romantic or sexual relationships. When you are establishing a relationship with someone, it’s important to be clear about what your expectations are regarding physical and emotional exclusivity.
What they splurge on
What is it that your partner spends a lot of money on? Do they love buying clothes or shoes? Or maybe they’re more into expensive handbags? There’s nothing wrong with indulging yourself every once in a while, but it’s important to understand what your partner spends money on and if they do so in a way that you feel good about.
What they would do with $1 billion
Although winning one billion dollars is highly unlikely, anything is possible. This question provides insight into what your partner values most in life. It reveals your partner’s priorities when they don’t have to consider their financial or logistical constraints.
If they follow their ‘head’ or their ‘heart’
While it may seem like ‘heart people’ would be incompatible with ‘head people’, often they balance each other out and can form a great team. Don’t worry if your answers are different or if one of you is more emotional than the other; that’s normal! And keep in mind that there isn’t just one right answer; everyone has different preferences in relationships.
If they have any habits they want to break
When your partner has personal goals, like quitting smoking or drinking, or curbing a bad temper, knowing what those goals are can help you be a stronger support when they need it the most. It’s also helpful to know whether those goals match with you – for example, if you’re an avid smoker but they’re looking to quit, it may not be a good match.
What you love about them
Now that you’ve been dating for a while, it’s time to reflect on what you love about your boyfriend or girlfriend. Take some time to write down the qualities that make him or her so great! Also, writing a list of 20 things you want in a spouse, regardless of your current partner, can help you see the areas where your relationship is lacking.
If they’re still on dating apps
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s not uncommon for people to still have dating apps on their phones even after they’ve started dating exclusively. If your partner is still on a dating app after a month, you should talk about what that means for your relationship, and whether or not they are ready to commit.
How often they want to see you
To see how your relationship is faring at the 30-day mark, look at how much time you spend together. How often do they want to see you? Now that you’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, you shouldn’t be feeling uncertain about whether or not you’re going to spend time together this weekend.
