Sex, let's face it, is pretty freakin' awesome.
You're getting your groove on, absolutely KILLING it, slaying like the goddess you are and then BAM! Something INCREDIBLY awkward happens and all you want to do from that moment on is close your eyes and hope with all your might that the bed will somehow open up and swallow you whole.
Despite awkward horizontal happenings being totally common, we hardly ever seem to talk about them, mostly because it’s embarrassing... only Lord hows much we hate discussing embarrassing things! Sure, you might discuss the "incident" with a close girlfriend in hushed tones, but for the most part, we keep quiet about our sexual mishaps, only to occasionally remember them and cringe.
But ALAS! It’s high time we get it all out in the open. Fortunately, I am here to do just that. So sit back, relax and prepare to cringe (but most importantly, LAUGH) at the 17 most awkward things to ever happen during sex, like... EVER.
So, this is definitely not covered in sex ed - but at some point, you will either queef, or you will fart... or perhaps, even both... during sex. Yep, I'm sorry, but it's happening... it is science, after all.
You see, all that thrusting you're doing (or at least, SHOULD be doing) is going to be pushing into your lady parts, so how exactly do you think it's gonna be getting back out?
Okay, so it sounds a little funny when it happens and there may even be a slight pause... but RELAX, it's just a little bit of air.
As for farts? Well, people don't even wanna be farting at any point in their life... never mind during sex!
But when you're super relaxed or you have a bunch of pressure on your abdomen, well, it just happens. To EVERYBODY. Get over it.
Especially, if you are someone who has irregular periods... or even regular ones, as it's totally possible to get caught off guard by surprise menstruation, and sometimes you get so damn caught up in the moment you forget all about the fact that you are riding the crimson wave, wink wink.
Honestly ladies... I think there are absolutely worse problems to have than the shame of gagging on the D... I mean, let's be honest, there is a pretty BIG reason why you would be gagging on it in the first place, right!?
Don't worry ladies and gents. Sometimes the mind is very much willing but the body just... hasn't got the memo just yet...
It's SUCH a wonderful gift from above and should never be considered embarrassing. Anyway - just keep the lines of CUM-munication (sorry, but also NOT sorry) open, so you both know when either of you need to either slow down, speed up or change direction... you cheeky minxes!
High five your lover, grab a towel to sleep on top of and spoon the cr*p out of the person who just rocked your world - you both deserve it!
Always wear a condom. ALWAYS.
That being said, sometimes, that condom can get a little... squirrely on you. It can break or tear or even fall off while still inside of you (WAAAAAAH). In that scenario, keep your cool and head straight to the pharmacy for some emergency contraception if you aren't already on something.
Okay, ladies... let's have some real talk (or should I say even REALER) talk here... we all know this move. And honestly, I think it's just absolutely hilarious that a lot of men out there don't think we do??? Come on guys, we ain't all virginal brides, and we ain't all freakin' stupid.
Y'know how it goes - when they "accidentally" (most possibly on purpose) take a wrong turn at the fork in the road and start speeding towards the "dirt path" aka, Butthole City Limits and you have to politely give them the ole' “Ahem! Wrong way, buddy!” warning.
We all like to keep things spicy and interesting (and sometimes we absolutely HAVE to) and one of the best ways to do that is by trying new positions in the bedroom... As fresh and fun as it sounds... some of the positions out there are pretty freakin' ridiculous.
I mean, you literally have to have seven gold medals in gymnastics to even ATTEMPT them, and if you're brave enough to do so then you have earned my utmost respect. Occasionally, when you're feeling a little extra ambitious (I find a bottle of cold, crisp Pinot Grigio usually helps me!) you may give it a go yourself - only to find yourself failing SPECTACULARLY in front of your lover.
We've also all had those moments where the heart is SUPER willing to get on it... but alas, there is somewhat of an, er, unseasonal drought in your nether regions, should we say. This is especially annoying if you don't happen to have any lube handy and your Lady Diana just will NOT co-operate and get on the same level as you no matter how, er, "handy" your lover may be.
During this incredibly frustrating scenario, the best thing to do is to probably just take it slow. By all means, try a little more foreplay (I personally feel that there can never be too much foreplay) - or, if you really just can't get those juices flowing, try a raincheck instead (pun 100% intended).
But what about you folks, is there anything on here that made you breathe a sigh of relief because now you know you truly are not alone!? More importantly... is there something on this list you think SHOULD be on there!? Let me know in the comments and don't forget to share this with your friends and family (if you're brave enough) so we can all laugh and cringe together! AAx