Yes, we know you all do it. "You've got a bogey", which is followed by dragging your partner closer, and tilting their head back for a closer inspection.
Following on from the bogey, again checking another orifice for yet another gross substance, is apparently more common than you think.
Waking up next to your partner is a wonderful thing. You look lovingly into their eyes, and pull a nice stringy piece of gunk from their eyes. It's the norm.
A fundamental trait of any relationship. In my experience girls in particular get freakishly excited at the thought of a nice juicy whitehead.
"Do I smell?" the words we dread when in a relationship. Following a good sniff you just don't want to reveal to your partner that they do in fact reek. So a face is plastered on, and a shake of the head is forced. You're lying though.
The sign that you're in a long termer. Casually leaning on the door discussing your plans for the day whilst your missus is having a quick wee became a regular occurrence in past experiences.
Some people are somewhat freaked out however...
Again, with the peeing, another long term relationship habit. You're dying to go, you're in the shower, you know it's disgusting. Ah it'll be right.
I will not lie, in the beginning of a previous relationship, the though of using a towel in which my partner had dried her vagina with was not a tempting prospect. However fast forward the clock and the fear had evaporated.
This is one I an not say is something I can relate too. Even in a long term relationship, the thought of a shared toothbrush is just a step too far for me. Even the thought of which is making me feel a little queasy.
It can be drenched with sweat, but you'll still wear it. More often than not however it has a hint of a favoured perfume/aftershave. It's one of the more nicer habits on our list.
We're all descendants from primates, so this one is somewhat ingrained into our DNA. "You've got a bit of beef in between your teeth chick".
"Ooh yours looks nice". A dilemma faced by many whilst having a meal perhaps. Quite hypocritical that I would not condone sharing a toothbrush, but I'd gladly whip some chocolate fudge cake off a spoon dangled in front of me.
A trait admittedly adopted by your mother, but can be brought into a relationship. "You've got a bit of summert on your face". The thought that your face was now covered in dry saliva then had to live with you for the rest of the day.
Nipple hair, exists. You're lying to yourself if you read this and just dismiss this entry as weird. We've all had some amusement at the expense of our other halves stray hair on the nipple.
It's weird how this weirdly strange shout is actually so relatable. It's also weird that you do actually sprout the occasional stray hair on your back.
"There's something on mt arse and it's killing"
Come on then, let me check it out.
Again, one more for the long term relationship. They pull pants down to reveal what is rather a disgusting spot. Now you either go one of two ways. Advise to pull pants up and life returns to normal. Or you can take the following step.
Squeezing the spot on the bum because you're fucking fearless.
You instead lunge for the anomaly and begin to squeeze, as your partner squeals like a pig at slaughter.
It appears that the answer you give is pretty much gospel. It is you and you alone that caries the final verdict on what this strange growth on your partners foot is. Nine times out of ten you'll just say "It's nowt".
Admittedly the new trend, it's a close rival to popping spots. The rule is you simply have to leave any peeling skin alone, and allow your partner to take care of it. If not, are you even a couple?
This can either be a pain in the arse, or endearingly cute. The first scenario, your significant other consuming that much alcohol that you have to rub the back and clean up the resulting vomit, not so cute. The significant other developing an incredibly sickening virus and you tending to their every need, including again cleaning up vomit, cute as they come.
In the opening days of the relationship, there's usually a mint slipped in. As the last thing you want to do is frighten them off with your morning breath. A more frequent practice in a long termer though, as you just stop giving a shit.
What can I say. When the moment takes you, the moment takes you, and nothing is going to stand in your way.
This painful procedure is one to dread.
"It's just a spot, it'll go away".
But alas, ultimately there is no escape. You're pinned down and the hair is removed.
Yep, the naked dance. We've all been there. Every single one of us. You're getting out of the shower, James Brown "I Feel Good" is on, you partners in bed. You're absolutely going to treat her to a private screening.
It's an essential part of any relationship. No words spoken, silence in the air. You just instinctively pull a face.
Usually performed after a meal or takeaway.
You then proceed to demonstrate to your other half just what this entails, and you force a huge exhale which gives the impression you are pregnant, and psychologically challenged.
No pressure to crack the CK's out. The confidence I must have had, to give it a go in my Space Raiders undergarments.
Yep. We've all been there, if you're in a relationship in the 21st century. You lay there festering, but there's nowhere you'd rather be.