In case you've already forgotten (which is pretty easy in the glorious weather we've been having as of late), way back in January of this year the East Coast was preparing to be hit by yet another major blizzard that nobody was really excited about at all, because for the previous two years, they had gotten completely hammered.
I mean, they seriously must have freakin' p*ssed off Jack Frost somehow, because it seems like all the snow keeps getting dumped on those guys, doesn't it? Anyway, I suggested to my pals that they should consider just biting the bullet and moving South, however, that might be a little hard for an entire region to do.
There was one light at the end of that freezing cold tunnel, however, and that is the fact that the crazy weather reminded everyone of what happened the year before, and so one clever meteorologist took it upon himself to come to the rescue with some EXTREMELY vital information. Are you ready for this?
Wine and snow.
Yep, that's right folks, the God among men decided to supply East Coast residents with a guide to how much wine they would need to make it through the coming blizzard... and honestly, I've never related so hard to something in my entire life.
As seen on the Newscast Studio, WPVI’s own Chris Sowers tweeted an image, which ended up being a clever Photoshop edit. The image, while not used on the air, went viral anyhow, even if Chris wanted people to know he wasn’t so audacious as to broadcast his humorous Photoshop job on the news.
Chris humbly admitted that he did not expect his diagram, which he made as a joke to lighten the air around the coming snow and pull everybody out of a state of weather despair, to go viral as it did. He was, however, super happy to see that some people still had a sense of humor and enjoyed his making light of otherwise not-so-pleasant (to put it freakin' lightly) weather conditions.
Here’s what the original (not photoshopped) image actually looked like:
A very serious and necessary chart, as you can see.
Chris’ edited graph, however, showed that people in Allentown and the Pocono Mountain area, as well as those further north, would need about twenty-five bottles of wine just to get through the amount of snow that was predicted to be heading their way... which seems a completely reasonable amount to me.
He also calculated that the amount should be just enough to consume before going out to shovel, in between shoveling, and while procrastinating about going back out to shovel (I myself usually get stuck at the procrastinating stage of shuffling).
People in the Lancaster, Philadelphia, Trenton, and Wilmington areas would not be getting quite as much snow (lucky devils), so Chris felt that about a mere fifteen bottles would be sufficient to deal with the white, fluffy stuff.
Those in the Lakehurst area would only need about seven bottles for the snowstorm, while residents of Dover, Millville and Atlantic City would only need three bottles. People down in Wildwood would only need one bottle, since they wouldn’t receive nearly as much snow as their northern friends.
While his graph was, of course, a joke, the coming snow was definitely not so. In fact, many people absolutely hate the snow and all the work that comes with it, including shoveling and being stuck inside their house, so Chris decided to make light of a not-so-light situation, which is you ask me we 100% need more of in this dismal world!
Winter weather is enough to make travel difficult, if not absolutely impossible, and roads SUPER dangerous. If you do not need to drive anywhere during a snowstorm, it’s advisable to actually stay home where you can be safe, warm, and most importantly in easy reach of those bottles of wine... oh and your loved ones blah blah blah.
If you do have to go out on the roads for whatever reason, be sure to drive slowly and with caution, because other people may not be as cautious as you are. In other words, there are usually a lot more idiots out on the roads when it comes to dangerous driving conditions.
Right, well now that you know how much wine you will need to weather any storm, you should probably head out and pick it up (feel free to pick up a few extra bottles for your favorite Aunty while you're at it too!)... in fact, you might as well get a few extra bottles for yourself for good measure while you’re at it.
Wine (or alcohol-free wine if that is more your thing for some bizarre reason) is always good, and with the amount of snow that the East Coast gets, it will be flying off the shelves thanks to Chris and his marvelous diagram. After all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being prepared!
...wouldn't you agree, folks!? Get chugging!