No living together before marriage
Back in the day, it was considered inappropriate to live with a partner before you were married, or at the very least engaged. Nowadays though, many people recognise that living together while dating is a great way to understand your partner more deeply and ensure you’re compatible before making a serious commitment like marriage. So if it’s right for you, go for it!
The guy always pays for the first date
There are numerous reasons why this rule shouldn’t still be a universal part of everyone’s dating lexicon. First off, not everyone goes on dates with men! Secondly, many modern women are more comfortable splitting dates 50/50 from the outset. Even if going Dutch isn’t right for you, it might make more sense to you for the asker to pay each time.
Don’t go home with someone before the third date
If old-school dating rules are to be believed, the third date is the earliest it’s acceptable for a couple to move things to the bedroom. If that works for you both you and your partner, that’s awesome! However, holding fast to this guideline is completely unnecessary. If waiting longer is what feels right, then do that, and the same applies if you feel like going home together after date one!
No money, religion or politics at dinner
Almost everyone has at least one memory of heavy topics destroying a family Christmas dinner or awkward work lunch. With that said, a first date is not one of the occasions you should be worried about spoiling with talk of religion, politics or money. First dates are about establishing initial compatibility after all; how can you do that if you don’t know your partner’s values and opinions?
Don’t kiss on the first date
This rule is a staple of romantic comedies and women’s magazines alike, and it deserves to be put to bed. Obviously, you shouldn’t feel any pressure to kiss your date after meeting them for the first time, but if you want to, you also shouldn’t feel any shame! Every first date is different, and your kiss should be on no one’s timeline but yours and your partner’s!
Online dating is shameful or embarrassing
Once upon a time in the early days of the internet, people would take great pains to hide that they met their partner on a forum or a dating app. In the present day, though, almost everyone has downloaded Tinder at least once, and meeting someone online is honestly less remarkable than being approached at a bar the old-fashioned way.
Wait three days before calling
Waiting three days before calling someone is an old rule that’s supposed to stop you from seeming desperate or pushy. In reality though, it’s a completely arbitrary time constraint that doesn’t do anything but heighten the artificiality most people strive to eliminate while dating. If you know you’d like to see someone again just a couple of hours after the date, call them and tell them!
Being too enthusiastic will scare someone off
Old school dating etiquette requires both parties to be fairly guarded about their feelings in the beginning, not showing too much enthusiasm and not being loud, giggly or brash. This is pretty ridiculous though, as most people would be thrilled to have a date be obviously happy to see them. Plus, how can you truly get to know someone if they’re dialling down their true feelings or personality?
The first date should always be coffee
There are many reasons why coffee has remained a staple first date idea: it’s short, so limited awkwardness if you don’t click; it’s cheap, so no huge investment in the relationship up front; and it’s in public, for extra safety. But if you think you would better get to know your partner by riding rollercoasters, visiting a cat cafe or going dancing, you should do that!
Keep your partner guessing
Almost everyone has come across the idea that it’s important to play hard to get during the early stages of dating, but why? The idea that you have to increase fondness by artfully keeping your partner at bay seems contradictory to the stated purpose of actually going on dates: getting to know someone. Wearing your heart on your sleeve can only foster a more honest connection.
The woman should wait for the man to make the first move
In today’s world, waiting for someone else to dictate the pace isn’t just outdated—it’s limiting. Women, just like men, are perfectly capable of knowing what they want and going after it. So, if you’re feeling the connection and want to take the reins, go ahead! Mutual interest and clear communication are far more attractive than sticking to a tired old script.
Playing ‘hard to get’
If the history of dating had a most-overused cliche, ‘playing hard to get’ might just be it. The idea was that making yourself unavailable would make you more desirable. Instead of skirting around feelings and playing guessing games, it’s much more rewarding to be genuine and honest about your intentions and emotions.
Avoid discussing future goals or plans
There was an unwritten rule that discussing your future aspirations early on would make things too serious too soon. But why? Talking about your dreams, whether they’re career-related, travel goals, or personal milestones, can be one of the most bonding experiences.
A partner should complete you
The phrase ‘you complete me’ might have sent hearts aflutter in movies, but in reality, it sets an unrealistic expectation. Everyone should be their own person before they enter a relationship. A partner should complement you, not complete you. The best relationships thrive when two whole individuals come together to share and enrich each other’s lives, rather than searching for someone to fill a void.
The man should always propose
Ah, the grand proposal scene, usually with a man on one knee. Romantic? Sure. But it’s also a tradition that doesn’t need to be set in stone. The act of proposing is about expressing love, commitment, and the desire to spend a lifetime together. It shouldn’t be restricted by gender.
Long-distance relationships never work
In today’s interconnected world, love knows no boundaries or time zones. With tech at our fingertips, long-distance couples can share moments, big or small, in real-time. While they come with their own set of challenges, but after all, it’s not just about the distance between places but the connection between hearts.
Jealousy is a sign of love
We’ve often been fed the narrative that a dash of jealousy proves someone cares. However, true love is rooted in trust and understanding, not possessiveness or fear. While occasional feelings of jealousy are natural, it shouldn’t be romanticized or seen as proof of love
You should change for your partner
While the idea of transformational love stories is popular in movies and novels, real-life relationships are a different ball game. Changing minor habits is one thing, but overhauling your core values or personality is another. Love should be about acceptance and growth, not altering yourself to fit someone’s ideal.
Relationships should always be 50/50
On paper, splitting everything down the middle seems fair. In reality, relationships are dynamic. There might be times when it’s 70/30 or even 90/10. What’s essential is the understanding that both partners are there for each other, willing to step up when the other can’t and it’s not about keeping score.
Keep personal issues private
Bottling up feelings or not seeking advice when needed can be detrimental. While it’s essential to maintain discretion and not overshare, seeking guidance from trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide valuable perspective. Balance is key: know when to share and when to keep things between the two of you.
Avoid showing vulnerability
Embracing vulnerability can be one of the most potent ways to foster connection and intimacy. It’s when we let our guards down that we truly connect, understanding each other’s fears, hopes, and dreams. Far from being a weakness, showing vulnerability is a testament to strength and authenticity in a relationship.
Agree to avoid conflict
Disagreements, when approached constructively, can be essential for growth. They provide insights into each other’s perspectives and can lead to mutual understanding. It’s not about avoiding conflict, but about navigating it with respect and compassion. After all, it’s okay to disagree; it’s how you do it that counts.
Refrain from being the first to say ‘I love you’
There’s an old dance about who should confess their feelings first, often stemming from fear of vulnerability or rejection. But love doesn’t operate on scripts. When you feel it, say it. Authenticity trumps games. There’s no ‘right’ time to express genuine feelings; the heart has its own timetable.
Couples must share all friends
While it’s great when your partner gets along with your friends, the idea that couples should merge all their social circles is outdated. It’s healthy for each person to maintain individual friendships and spaces. Not every friend needs to be a mutual one. Individual relationships allow for personal growth and bring diverse experiences to the relationship.
Not all disagreements spell disaster
Contrary to popular belief, every squabble doesn’t mean your relationship’s on the rocks. It’s all about how you bounce back. Couples who tackle issues head-on, with a sprinkle of humor and understanding, often come out stronger on the other side. After all, it’s the storm that makes the rainbow worth the wait.
All couples should want children
Love and commitment aren’t solely validated by the decision to have children. Some couples choose a child-free life, while others might opt for adoption or fostering. The key is mutual respect and understanding of each other’s choices. Every couple’s journey is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all.
There’s a ‘right’ timeline for milestones
First comes love, then marriage, then a baby carriage? Says who? Every relationship has its own pace, and milestones shouldn’t be dictated by societal norms or external pressures. Whether it’s about moving in together, getting engaged, or any other “big step”, it’s essential to move at a pace that’s comfortable and right for both. It’s your love story; you get to set the timeline.
You should be with someone similar to you
‘Opposites attract’ and ‘birds of a feather flock together’ are both age-old sayings. While shared values can provide a solid foundation, it’s not necessary for two individuals to mirror each other in every aspect. Differences can enrich a relationship, introducing varied perspectives and experiences.
Avoid discussing past relationships
The unwritten rule that past relationships should remain in the past can stifle transparency. Discussing former relationships isn’t about dredging up old flames but understanding each other’s growth, values, and what one has learned from the past. It’s essential, however, to approach these conversations with sensitivity and respect for both the present and the past.
You can’t be friends with your ex
Navigating friendships post-breakup can be complex, but it’s not impossible. The idea that exes can’t transition into a platonic relationship stems from a one-size-fits-all mindset. Every individual and their circumstances are unique. With mutual respect, boundaries, and understanding, some exes can and do maintain a healthy friendship.
Married people shouldn’t have friends of the opposite gender
Friendship, in its truest form, goes past gender. The idea that marital status should dictate one’s friendships is outdated. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Married people, and should, have the freedom to maintain friendships with whomever they resonate with, regardless of gender.
Older partners should always be wiser
Age can bring experience, but wisdom isn’t exclusively reserved for the older partner. The idea that age directly correlates with wisdom or emotional maturity is a stereotype. In any relationship, both partners can bring their own set of insights, experiences, and wisdom to the table.
You should always feel passion
While passion can be a beautiful aspect of a relationship, it’s unrealistic to expect it to burn brightly all the time. Relationships ebb and flow. It’s natural for passion to fluctuate and evolve into deeper forms of intimacy, understanding, and comfort. A successful relationship isn’t always about fireworks; it’s also about the steady warmth of a lasting bond.
You shouldn’t go to bed angry
This classic piece of advice seems like a recipe for resolution. However, sometimes, taking a break and getting a good night’s sleep can offer clarity and a fresh perspective. Not all conflicts can or should be resolved in a single evening. What’s essential is ensuring that both parties are committed to addressing the issue at hand, even if it’s after some rest.
Couples should always live together before marriage
Living together can provide insights into compatibility, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all mandate. Different cultural, personal, or religious reasons might influence this choice. The key is understanding each other’s values and making decisions based on mutual respect and comfort, rather than societal expectations.
Romantic partners can’t be business partners
It’s a myth that mixing business with pleasure is a surefire disaster. With clear boundaries, mutual respect, and open communication, romantic partners can indeed thrive in a professional setting. Some couples find that their personal synergy translates beautifully into the business world – understand each other’s strengths.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
People change, learn, and grow. While trust, once broken, is challenging to rebuild, it’s not impossible. Labeling someone based on past mistakes can hinder personal growth and reconciliation. Every situation is unique, and individuals deserve the chance to prove their change.
You should never date coworkers
Workplace romances are often seen as taboo, mainly because of potential complications. However, many successful relationships have blossomed at the office. The key is to maintain professionalism, set boundaries, and be aware of company policies. Love can be found in unexpected places, but it’s essential to navigate it with caution and respect.
Sexual compatibility is determined by the first time
The idea that the initial physical encounter seals the deal on sexual compatibility is misleading. Comfort, understanding, and compatibility can evolve over time, but remember intimacy is a journey, not a one-time event.
Couples should merge all finances
While merging finances can be a testament to trust, it’s not a mandatory step for all couples. Financial independence is essential for some, while joint accounts work best for others. Open dialogue about financial goals, habits, and comfort levels is vital for some, it’s about finding what works best for both parties.
Men shouldn’t express emotions
It’s actually a damaging stereotype that men should always be ‘ok’ and bottle up their feelings. But remember, emotions don’t discriminate. Men have every right to feel, express, and be understood in their emotions. Openness not only leads to improved well-being but also helps with building a stronger connection.
Taking a break means a relationship is over
Sometimes, space is what a relationship needs to breathe and grow. So if you’re taking a break, that doesn’t necessarily signal the end; it can actually be a time that provides some clarity. It gives a chance to see the relationship from more of an outside perspective. With clear communication and set boundaries, a break can often actually pave the way for a stronger bond.
Love should be enough
Yes, love is undeniably a crucial component of any relationship, but, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t operate in a vacuum. Relationships also need respect, understanding, effort, and shared values (the list can go on) to thrive. So make sure you recognize that love, though powerful, shouldn’t be the only thing holding you together – make sure you’re continually nurturing it too.
Keep your partner on their toes with surprises
Who doesn’t love a little surprise every now and then? They’re a nice gesture signalling that your partner is thinking about you. But, the idea that you should constantly strive to be unpredictable can be exhausting. What’s most valuable is consistency, understanding, and genuine moments shared together.
Older partners should be the decision-makers
Age does not equal better judgment. You should see your relationship as a partnership – regardless of if one partner is older than the other. Decisions should ideally be mutual, considering both perspectives. No partner should hold more decision-making power simply due to their age. Compromise and mutual agreement are key for a successful relationship.
Your partner should be your everything
While romanticized in movies, the idea that a partner should be your entire world is not healthy and adds unnecessary pressure. Be your own person – maintain your own individuality, passions, and personal space. Depending on one person for all of your needs can be overwhelming for all parties involved, and if the relationship does sadly end, can leave you feeling lost and lonely.
Physical attraction is a must
Ah, physical attraction. Yes, it’s important, but it definitely shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of a relationship. Sometimes, the best connections grow from friendship and compatibility. So, even though it’s natural to desire a partner you find attractive straight away, don’t discount someone just because they don’t immediately light that fire.
Your partner should always know what’s wrong without asking
Expecting your partner to be a mind-reader is a ticket to frustration and misunderstanding. Healthy relationships thrive on open, honest communication. When something’s wrong, express your feelings and thoughts clearly instead of waiting for your partner to magically work them out.
You should have all the same hobbies
It’s nice to have shared hobbies – they can be a fun and bonding experience, but it’s neither necessary or realistic to assume that you and your partner share every interest. Having separate hobbies is actually healthy – it allows for a sense of individuality, and interesting stories to share with each other. Embrace your differences!
You must share the same beliefs and values
In some aspects, sharing similar beliefs and values can simplify certain aspects of a relationship. But it’s definitely possible to build a life with someone whose beliefs differ from yours. What’s crucial is respect — understanding, accepting, and valuing each other’s views.
Avoid dating people with children
Yes, it is true: navigating a relationship where children are involved can be complex. But it’s outdated to view single parents as off-limits. Blending families can actually end up being beautiful experiences. Entering into a relationship with a single parent does involve considering additional dynamics, but it’s also an opportunity to build meaningful connections.
Social media PDA is necessary
Public displays of affection (PDA) on social media is a personal choice and by no means a measure of love or commitment. If you prefer to keep you relationship private, that’s absolutely ok. Your relationship’s validity and depth are not determined by a Facebook relationship status or cute comments online. It’s the real, offline moments that truly define your relationship.
Don’t date outside your ‘type’
Confined to the idea of a ‘type’? Break yourself free! Limiting yourself to a specific ‘kind’ of person can prevent you from exploring potentially rewarding relationships with others who, yes, might be different, but could also complement you perfectly. Love can be found in the most unexpected people, and often, exploring relationships outside of your usual ‘type’ brings unexpected happiness.
A real relationship must be legalized with marriage
The idea that a relationship is only ‘legitimate’ or serious once married is completely untrue. Often people rush into marriage for this very reason – and look how that turns out, we all know that well-known stat that almost 50% of US marriages end in divorce. You can be in a fulfilling, committed relationship without ever signing a marriage contract.
Never reveal your insecurities
Contrary to the belief that insecurities should be covered, revealing your vulnerabilities can actually enhance trust and deepen bonds in a relationship. Opening up to your partner can create a safe space for and paves the way for mutual support and understanding. The most meaningful connections are built on a foundation of honesty. So, take second to reflect, what are you holding back?
Only one person should ‘wear the pants’
The idea that one person should be ‘in charge’ in the relationship not only undermines equality but can also bring resentment with it. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, shared responsibilities, and co-navigating life together. Remember, it’s not about one person having the upper hand, but instead both partners working together.
Maintain a facade of perfection
A picture-perfect relationship does not equate to a perfect relationship in real life. Often, the facade can actually mask underlying issues. Yes, authenticity has its ups and downs, but it also forms the foundation of a genuine connection. It’s okay for things to be less than perfect and acknowledging issues or flaws provides paths to work and grow together.
Don’t bring up issues until they’re serious
Following on from our previous point: not communicating seemingly minor issues can end up in them becoming major ones in the long run. Keep an open dialogue with your partner – even about what may seem like trivial concerns. Problems, when discussed in their early stages, can often be resolved with minimal fuss.
Being ellusive makes you desirable
This point traces back to the misguided belief that mystery and ellusiveness heightens attraction. Of course, do maintain your personal space, but it’s not healthy to deliberately act unavailable. By doing this, you’re actually inhibiting genuine connection. Transparent intentions pave the way for a healthy bond.
A partner should inherently understand your needs
Expecting a partner to inherently know your needs and desires is unrealistic and unfair. Effective communication is key – convey your thoughts, feelings, and expectations. It’s important to express your needs openly and not anticipate some level of innate understanding from your partner.
Exclusivity should be assumed
Assumptions in any relationship, especially about exclusivity, can lead to hurt feelings. These days many people choose polyamory over monogamy. So it’s always better to have clear conversations about boundaries and intentions. Every relationship is unique, and defining what exclusivity means to both of you ensures everyone’s on the same page.
Don’t be the first to apologize
Pride has no place in healthy relationships. Do you find that you hold off on apologizing or wait for the other to go first? This can actually prolong and worsen your argument. Apologize when you’re in the wrong, even if it’s before your partner does – it’s the mature thing to do, and shows you prioritize the relationship over your ego.
Children will fix relationship issues
Bringing a child into your relationship in hopes of resolving existing issues is unfair to both the child and the relationship. Children are not band-aids for relationship problems. Address your underlying issues instead – with the help of a professional. It’ll mean when, or if, you do come around to heaving kids, they’ll be brought up in a stable, loving environment. Isn’t that what we all wish for?
Happy couples don’t need alone time
Even the most in-love couples need their own space now and then. It’s healthy to have personal hobbies, interests, and moments on your own. Alone time allows for self-reflection, relaxation, and personal growth – and all of these can contribute positively to your relationship.
You should share all passwords
Yes, trust and transparency are key in a relationship, but it’s also incredibly important that boundaries are respected. Sharing passwords isn’t an automatic proof of trust – and could actually imply the opposite. You should both feel secure enough in the relationship to maintain your own private space, whether that’s digital or physical.
Don’t seek relationship advice
There’s a misconception that seeking relationship advice, especially from professionals, is a sign of failure or weakness. That’s not the case at all. Being able to recognize when you need a fresh perspective or tools to navigate your challenges is actually a sign of strength, and a sign of commitment to making your relationship the best it can be.
Fulfill all traditional gender roles
The idea that men and women should strictly follow traditional gender roles is super outdated. Make sure that you recognize that you both have unique strengths and capabilities, regardless of gender. Be it in household responsibilities, parenting, or financial decisions, define your responsibilities based on what works best – not old societal expectations.
If your friends don’t approve, the relationship won’t work
While friends often have our best interests at heart, they might not fully grasp the intricacies of your relationship. Sure, it’s essential to consider their perspectives, especially if they raise genuine concerns, but ultimately your relationship rests in your own hands. Balance, as always, is key; consider advice, but also trust your own judgement.
If they’re ‘the one’, you’ll know immediately
Romantic films often perpetuate the myth that you’ll instantly recognize your soulmate the moment your eyes meet. Yes, it can happen, that ‘instant’ connection, but for most people love develops and deepens over time,Real relationships may not start with fireworks, and that’s completely okay.
A good partner will never make mistakes
Expecting perfection is not only unrealistic but also puts undue pressure on the both of you. Everyone will make mistakes at some point. But what’s important is how they respond, learn, and evolve from them. Allow space for errors but make sure to communicate openly and apologise when needed.
