The City That… Sleeps
Las Vegas casinos don’t have windows or clocks – all the better to convince punters to carry on gambling, consuming, and making terrible decisions. This can have a disorienting, exhausting effect if you’re not braced for it. This woman clearly didn’t expect to fall asleep at the blackjack table.
Beware of any kind of felt pen
There’s an episode of Friends where Ross scribbles a felt tip moustache on Rachel’s face on a flight to Vegas, only for it to not wash off. You’d think this would deter people from going anywhere near ink during a trip to Sin City. Alas, they’re still at it!
Four’s a crowd!
Sky bars are pretty overrated, especially the Ferris wheel variety. Pricey and cramped, they’re little more than glorified photo ops. That being said, having a four-way spoon/nap on the floor? Let’s keep things classy. Imagine the amount of dirt and scum on that floor, too? Imagine the lint of Las Vegas on your face.
The honeymoon period is over before it’s even begun
A Las Vegas wedding is unconventional but there are certain traditional expectations. Hitting the slots by yourself after the ceremony is not one of them. Is this bride’s marriage already over? Is she on the brink of getting married and trying to raise funds for a limo to the chapel? So many depressing questions, so few answers.
Some people just never know when to leave
You’re never too far from a machine or table willing and able to take all your money in Vegas, but some people (this guy mainly) can’t bear to be away from the slots. The remedy? Bring your mattress down from your hotel room and crash it down in the middle of the action.
Vegas was ready for you, and it won
“Vegas isn’t ready for us,” Glenn says. “The strip won’t know what’s hit it.” What Glenn doesn’t know is that Vegas has seen his kind millions of times. He is nothing but a mark among marks. Here you have a table of Glenns, cream-crackered, airport-bound, ready to return home with their tail between their legs.
“Honey, it’s a business trip”
Don’t lie about your vacations, people. If you’re going to Las Vegas, don’t pretend you’re going on a work trip, because you might end up like this fellow, snoozing at the slots, getting papped with a trio of wild young women. Good luck explaining this one, pal.
So close yet so far
It’s quite amazing how difficult the simple task of walking home can be when you’ve been drinking. In a hotel, the difficulty only increases given that every corridor and door looks the same. Numbers? Numbers don’t register when you’ve thrown seven shots down your throat.
Someone come and collect their grandma
Weirdly enough, Las Vegas has a strong pensioner community, aka people who have money to burn and not much to do. Why not live in a casino and go out with a bang? Old women in particular have a taste for the thrills of this city, even if that simply means planking on top of a slot machine.
Super Smashed
Heading out in regular clothing doesn’t cut the mustard for some Vegas revellers. Instead, they choose to dress up like popular cartoon figures, like here. Seeing Mario and Luigi like this isn’t very nice. Funny, but not nice. This is a common and slightly embarrassing sight on the strip.
A classic example of Vegas’ endless opportunities
Las Vegas locals like to stress to tourists that the city isn’t all casinos and drive-thru weddings. There are other things you can do, such as have your giant mohawk spray painted with the American flag. Finesse doesn’t go a long way here, no matter how many Michelin-star chefs they invite to the area.
Rock a bye baby!
You’ve got Todd Phillips to thank for this one. Since the release of The Hangover in 2009, the presence of a comic relief baby has become more and more appealing to those visiting Vegas. Plenty of kids grow up in there – Jimmy Kimmel was born and bred in the city – but keeping them out of the casinos may be for the best.
The house always wins
At least these guys have a sense of humour about the whole thing. Vegas will take your money if you stay long enough. Hold off applying for that dodgy loan and scribble a whimsical money-making scheme on some cardboard instead. You may stumble away unable to have children, but your pockets will be lined!
Fold ’em before you’re unrecognisable
This guy in the middle actually looked like the guy on the left, but he hung around so long, fixated on the possibility of a big win, that he actually grew out full-body fur. Security is too afraid to move him, lest he bites or attack them, so the casino has to operate around him, comping him drinks and food as he racks up a skyscraper of debt.
Damsel in distress
If there’s anyone you want to hoist you in the air precariously, mere feet from concrete, it’s a middle-aged, wasted gambler. You can tell this lady wasn’t quite ready for the move given the modest hand placement. Does the gambler care? Not one bit. He’s on vacation, baby!
Hardcore yoga
We’re not sure what’s happening here, whether it was accidental or not. What’s certain is that no one around her seems to care for her urban yoga attempts, or even notice. To be fair, there’s a lot of crazy going around Vegas so we’ll give them a pass.
A good soldier never leaves a man behind
This poor man is broken. He’s been chewed up and spat out by the city, but that doesn’t matter to his friend. He could easily leave him to be swept up and possibly arrested by someone else. No. Not on his watch. We came to Vegas together, we’re gonna leave it together. Even if we can’t walk.
The Playboy model who got away
What a great endorsement of Las Vegas this picture is. A grown, slightly overweight man dressed in a bra and bunny ears walks around like it’s nothing – because it is. This kind of attire is just another Tuesday afternoon round those parts, and that’s why we love it.
Don’t sell crack in Vegas
Drugs are prohibited in Vegas so be careful not to sell crack by way of your a**. Hey, we all fall over, especially after a few cold boys in the sun. Just remember that cameras are rife in the modern world, and public humiliation is something nobody hesitates to cash in on. Sorry if you’re the woman in the picture!
Drinkin’ in the Rain
Humans have to climb things, especially when drunk. It’s the ape in us. Tie us down all you want with formalities and 9-5 work, our truest self is the one that sees a lampost and thinks, “This must be assailed at all costs.” Most of the time, this is harmless fun. Throw booze in the mix, however, and you’re asking for trouble.
Better out than in
It’s hard to gauge this vomit. Is it one of many? Is it tactical? The huge bottle of water suggests the former. Some cats just can’t handle the thrills and spills of Vegas. The bros heading down the escalator on the other hand? They seem to be handling it just fine. For now…
Smile, you’re on camera!
We don’t know the context here but presumably, the man in grey is semi-famous. There are two cameras on him that we can see. One is a smaller camcorder. The second is a traditional TV camera. If he isn’t famous, then this picture is nightmarish. A strange, drunk man having his lowest moment documented. Forever!
Cat fight!
We say cat fight, but this is more of a foot fight if anything. The male friend or stranger doesn’t seem too concerned with the level of violence given that he hasn’t dropped his water bottle. To us, it looks nasty. Unfortunately, fights of all kinds are common in Vegas, where tempers and bankruptcy run high.
Life is hard on Sesame Street
Elmo doesn’t need money for food or shelter. He needs it to get lit with his dudes out on the strip. For some reason, people dressed as children’s characters while busking are a hot commodity in Las Vegas. Long may that tradition reign. When the chips are down, it’s nice to come across people who make you feel better about yourself.
E for effort
See, this just isn’t good enough. The smoke hanging out of the mouth is a nice touch. We’ll give him that. But doing this shtick with just the mask? Don’t expect the same amount of money someone dressed as Elmo from head to toe is getting. This seems more like a zany photo opp than a genuine cry for help.
When AC isn’t enough
Don’t forget that Las Vegas is in the middle of a desert. While every square inch of the city is air-conditioned, don’t rule out the body warmth of ten million people. When things get a bit sticky, go to the toilet and splash some water on your face. Do not remove your top on the casino floor.
Shamone!
Dancing can work up a sweat so you can’t really blame this girl for taking advantage of a giant fan and busting a few celebratory moves in front of it. Emulating the late Michael Jackson is a little cliche but this is Vegas baby. The King of Pop loved it here.
Girls just wanna have fun!
Why waste money buying a professional lap dance when you can get one of your besties to give you one instead for free? These bridesmaids know how to treat the bride right, and that’s not by getting drunk and belligerent on a domestic flight.
Would you like fries with her?
You can get a drive-thru wedding in Las Vegas for as cheap as $90. The tuxedo and dress pictured may cost a little bit more. Still, if you’re not one for a traditional ceremony, this is a speedy, hilarious – if a touch tragic – alternative. Own it and enjoy, like these two are!
A Royal screw up
Las Vegas isn’t just for normies. It’s for royals who want to let their receding hair down. Prince Harry isn’t royalty anymore, but when these steamy swimming pool pictures were taken, he was. It’s unclear who he’s shushing or why. What is clear is that the UK’s most famous ginger never cared for protocol or privacy.
A good, clean wrestling match
The health-conscious ladies of Vegas really thought of everything post-pandemic. At least this explains why so many places had shortages of hand sanitiser. However this wrestling match ended, at least it was a clean fight and, as a bonus, patrons probably didn’t need much to drink to feel a buzz – the fumes alone must have been toxic.
The tragedy of Vegas’ mole people
While millions of dollars make their way through Las Vegas casinos every day, just feet below them, the mole people of Vegas can be found. Living in the flood defence tunnels underneath the famous strip, thousands of homeless people call this place home. Drug use and gambling addiction have forced many locals down here and it’s a sight the authorities don’t want tourists to see.
Every night is fight night in Vegas
Not content with hosting some of the world’s biggest boxing matches, with bachelor parties, gambling and late night drinking, Vegas has the perfect mix for bar fights. Tourists tell tales of there being no-go areas of Vegas, and it’s clear here to see why. Too much of anything, be it gambling or drinking, is never a good thing.
Pay homage to your bacon god
With estimates putting the number of churches in Las Vegas at 500, there are plenty of places to repent for your sins committed on the strip. Consider giving the United Church of Bacon a go. They claim bacon is real, which it is, and they are a proud member of the Las Vegas Coalition of Reason. That has to count for something, right?
You can eat till you drop at the Heart Attack Grill
A restaurant where staff are dressed as nurses and the diners are referred to as patients, it’s Vegas’ own Heart Attack Grill. Here ‘patients’ are encouraged to order the biggest, unhealthiest items on he menu. Mega burgers and hot dogs, all washed down with wine-filled syringes and cocktails from IV bags. Only in Vegas.
Fashion goes out the window on the strip
Taking a walk down the Vegas strip will undoubtedly reveal a few strange fashion choices. While some of the classier establishments may require a dress code, the majority of Vegas is come as you are. Take this bunch of friends, probably out for a bachelor party. What seemed like a funny idea at the time surely hurt their eyes by the night’s end.
Find love with a creepy cupid
Vegas street sellers are a thing. And at times, an annoying thing. Selling anything from enchanted beads to ‘personal services’, the sellers are as much a part of the strip as the casinos. What the creepy cupid here is selling, though, looks to be that raw, terrifying opportunity of love. Decide for yourself what’s worse; the underpants or the fanny pack.
Celeb spotting like nowhere else
The Vegas strip is full of celebrities, ready and happy to take pictures with tourists. Who can really say that this isn’t really Marilyn Monroe, posing with a group of cosplayers? OK, maybe it’s not the real Marilyn but it is Vegas, so who knows?
This is what happens when Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas
The consequences of Vegas can range from a bad hangover to a literal baby. This poor guy is now an internet meme, forever remembered as the ‘what happened in Vegas’ baby. Maybe when they grow up they can cash in on this somehow, maybe sell t-shirts on the strip with this image on them.
Pregnancy? Welcome
Did you think pregnancy wasn’t welcome in Las Vegas? You were wrong, if this person in the image above even is pregnant. Maybe it’s costume. For humor’s sake, or tragedy’s sake, let’s pretend we’re right and that this man is indeed getting snapped sipping on a drink while a pregnant person dances behind him.
Naughty inflatables are rife!
This man has clearly been had by the Strip. “Lap dancer balloon hat, sir?” a punter asked him. “My rates are normally $99 but for you my friend, I’ll do just $29.” This photo is evidence of his gullibility. What’s worse, he obviously stuck it all over social media.
Fountains that will blow you away
Sure, the Bellagio Fountain show is a tourist attraction (like everything in Las Vegas), but it’s one of the better ones. Catch it on the right level of drunk, and it’s even emotional. This woman is clearly not the right level of drunk. She’s at that “screw the fountain, take a pic of me falling” stage.
This is the “happens” that “stays in Vegas”
The things you do in Vegas aren’t all in your head. There are physical leftovers, too. Take this shower floor. Look at the sheer state of it. That’s not something you and your buddies can swear to never speak of again. The maid’s gonna see that, alert the staff, and then the manager, who may slap you with a fine.
A meeting of minds
It finally happened. The meeting of Marilyn Monroe and Ron Jeremy. They said it could never happen. They said the world wouldn’t be ready for it. And yet here we are, on the other side, living happily ever after. Whoever caught this moment on camera deserves the keys to the city.
Kids in Vegas? Welcome, apparently
They call Las Vegas “Disneyland for adults”. They do not call Disneyland “Las Vegas for kids”. Sometimes having children around grown-ups can benefit them, and teach them how to conduct themselves. But there’s a limit. Wheeling your toddler down the Strip? Stick to Space Mountain.
Beating up the house
This man foresaw the rise of the machines. The rise of AI. His losing a small fortune on the slots wasn’t bad luck. It was calculated. And he had to make sure the machine paid for it, not in money, but in physical health. Thwack! He was never seen again.
Monkey see, monkey do
You’re not likely to meet a monkey on the Strip, but judging from the existence of this picture you cannot rule it out. If you do bump into one of our furry friends, steer clear and alert some kind of official. Do not attempt to “banter” the monkey or “invite it for a drink”.
Cack Galifianakis
After The Hangover was released in 2009, Vegas enjoyed a surge of visitors hoping to recreate the Wolfpack’s iconic bachelor party. Some lookalikes capitalised on this Surge, and for a year or two, it didn’t look totally tragic. If you see him today, hold on to your money.
Taking a leak… but make it fun!
Even a basic toilet trip is zany in Vegas! Don’t expect marble floors and a whole manner of “seriousness”. Expect something like this! Which one are you going to pick? The girl with the tape measure? You dog! Don’t get caught peeing in front of the girl on the far left… yikes!
Smoke break for the mouses
The idea of the actors inside the Minnie and Mickey Mouse costume being middle-aged isn’t anyone’s idea of fun. We want some young, fresh-faced types making it in the business of show. If you visit Las Vegas, get used to this sight. And the smell. The smell is never good.
His and hers
The woman seems a lot happier than the man here. The man clearly didn’t agree with getting these dirty dunce hats. He really didn’t agree with the picture being taken. If this hit social media, it must have made him a laughing stock at work and among friends. That’s Vegas, we guess!
Of course there’s a mechanical bull
The mechanical bull, much like the punching bag, can never be digitised. Humans will be walking past these things with raised eyebrows in 500, maybe 1,000 years’ time. Especially if they’re in Vegas and have an obscene amount of alcohol inside their body.
Dress for the occasion
Leave the fancy dresses and suits at home. This isn’t the Vegas of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. It’s the Vegas of people who have nothing left to lose. This person in the dinosaur costume may be insufferable to be around, but they’re likely having the time of their life. Let them do their thing.
They do things differently
You see, usually, screaming, running, jumping, smoking, drinking and lewd acts are not permitted in a taxi. But in Las Vegas, they are! In case it wasn’t clear, Las Vegas is different. Their taxi drivers aren’t stuck up like they are in New York, Chicago, or LA. Welcome to Sin City!
Play stupid games…
This is a restaurant you’re looking at. This is a fight in a restaurant. And check out the total lack of commotion. This is just another Wednesday for the people of Nevada. Also, does the assailed man have a napkin over his face? Can he seriously not just blow that off?
You can breakdance!
If you ever feel the need to get on down and bust some shapes on the cold concrete of Vegas, do it! Breakdancing is encouraged. In fact, if you get caught not breakdancing, the police will fine you $5,000. (This person is not breakdancing).
Having your cake and eating it
Hard to tell what’s happening here, if we’re honest. It’s a function of sorts. There’s a singer. There’s one man dancing. And then there’s the focal point: the guy with the cake in his hand and all over his face. At least we think it’s cake. If that’s a prawn sandwich this picture is so much more depressing.
Delays, delays, delays
Airport delays are terrible, always, but imagine being delayed when you’ve been swimming in booze and junk food all weekend and have a heat ripple of a headache. It’s easy to laugh at these degenerates pictured above but we’ve all been them, or at one point will be.
Athletes LOVE the Strip!
That’s right, even NBA veterans get a kick out of the Strip! Take our word for it, this is keen cross-dresser and bon vivant Dennis Rodman. Las Vegas is one of the few places on planet Earth where he can let his hair down without a care in the world. Ask for a picture if you bump into him!
Last one on the pole’s a loser!
Siri, show me a definitive example of hijinks. These rabble-rousers are not letting their party bus go to waste. And how about the sense of urgency? This man on the pole hasn’t even changed out of his office clothes! This right here is what the terrorists will never understand.
Ocean’s Six
You know at the end of Ocean’s Eleven when they’re stood by the Bellagio Fountain and all go off one-by-one in different directions. This is kind of like that, only they’re standing in a car park and the suits are terrible. They also haven’t just turned over a casino for millions of dollars. Or have they?
Nobody wants to see this
This is sad, isn’t it? Nobody wants to see it. Two people fighting in public? Nope. It’s distressing. It’s in no way funny or entertaining or compulsive viewing. This is common in Vegas given the level of debt and inebriation. Walk on by if you see it. Resist the urge to film every nanosecond of it. Please.
Boomer humor
Take away “my wife” jokes from a boomer and you take away their spiritual life support. Still, this is a pretty decent tactic for begging. Much better than the “I’ve spent all my money on beer and I want another!” Remove the hedonist intentions and the money will flow in!
Final hurdle devastation
My guy… come on. The door is right there. Come on. Get up. Don’t embarrass yourself like this. Don’t make yourself a target for petty thieves, or at the very best, a nasty wedgie. Come on. Up you get. Chop chop. Seriously. At least get in a more comfortable position.
Dance-off? Fight? Both? Who knows
You’re in cuckoo land if you think we can describe what’s going on here. Is that a weapon? Or a water gun? Are they friends? Has one stolen chips from the other while they weren’t looking? Has the person in the motorised wheelchair got anything to do with it or are they just enjoying the show? Nobody will ever know.
Sleepy time
This isn’t New York. People like to sleep in Las Vegas, mostly on the floor. This guy isn’t asking for much. He doesn’t have a cardboard sign with financial pleas. If anything, he’s vibing. The Strip can be exhausting in its hustle and bustle and having a recharge is always sensible.
Another minute, another fight
Don’t be sad if your trip doesn’t align with an MGM Grand boxing fixture. Just walk literally anywhere around 3am and you will see a better fight based on nothing other than sheer pride. You wanna try it? Try it. These cats aren’t in for the big payout.
Girls gone wild!
Hey, shenanigans aren’t just for the spritely hen parties. Sometimes, it’s the golden girls who wanna have fun. Here, “fun” is taking the shape of… we don’t know. There’s an inflatable person in the middle, though. And if that doesn’t spell fun, we don’t know what does.
Boo!
Vegas isn’t all about booze, fights and bankruptcy. There’s a lot of space for good, old-fashioned fun such as the al fresco jumpscare! This guy has racked up millions of hits on YouTube pretending to be a bush and scaring the life out of hungover tourists.
Don’t get caught slacking
If you find yourself descending one of Vegas’ helpful escalators with your girlfriend, don’t be enticed by the forbidden fruit of other flirty women. In this case, retract your hand, say “No thanks!” and then propose to your girlfriend on the spot. On. The. Spot. Then get married at the drive-thru wedding.
