Dress to impress
First impressions when meeting in-laws are vital. Put on your best perfume or cologne, wear your nicest pair of shoes, iron your shirt. They will want to see that their child has found a respectable, self-caring partner. This tip is especially vital if your partner’s parents are of an older generation, where outfits say a lot more about a person.
Bring a thoughtful gift
Bringing a thoughtful gift along when meeting your in-laws will immediately put you in their good books. The gift doesn’t have to, and in fact shouldn’t be, too expensive, as that will make it look as though you are trying to buy their approval. If you live a fair distance away from them, it may be nice to buy them something unique to your hometown.
Perfect your handshake
This one is usually more important for men when meeting their partner’s father. Handshakes have traditionally been the touchstone for a masculine first impression; get it right and they’ll respect you instantly, go in too weak or too strong and you’ll throw the vibe off. Be assertive yet non-aggressive and you’ll probably be on the right path.
Relax yourself
It’s alright to be nervous, after all, it shows you care. However, if you’re overly nervous and tense, it will probably be picked up by your in-laws, making them just as uncomfortable as you are. Before you ring that doorbell, take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and remember to just be yourself.
Show respect
Respect is the key to a great relationship with the in-laws. Show them and your partner the respect they deserve and it will no doubt be reciprocated. This doesn’t mean you have to be submissive, just approach and interact with them how you would wish to be interacted with and you’re on to a winner.
Don’t be possessive over your partner
The main thing that your in-laws will be looking out for is the way you treat their child. They’ll want to know that your partner is with someone who values them and gives them the independence they deserve. If you come across as too possessive then they may either think that you’re going to drive a wedge between them and their child, or that you’re not going to be the right person for their child in the first place.
Don’t mention previous relationships
In a similar way to how you should never talk about your ex on a first date, never mention your former partners when meeting your in-laws. It’s a surefire way to make them think that you’re not quite over your ex and, to be frank, they only have their child’s interests at heart. They don’t care about your past, they’re only interested in your future with their son/daughter.
Ask them about themselves
This is an important thing to consider when trying to build any type of relationship. People like to be asked about themselves, it makes them feel important and shows that you have a genuine interest in who they are. Ask them what their hobbies are, how they made their living etc. Just show that you have a genuine interest in building a relationship.
Be loving towards your partner
Obviously, public displays of affection are not wanted at the dinner table. However, this shouldn’t stop you from being loving towards your partner when meeting your in-laws for the first time. Show them warmth, compliment them, and make them feel loved. This will give off all the right impressions to the in-laws.
Keep your manners in check
This one almost goes without saying. Manners are vital when meeting the in-laws as politeness is one of the most desirable traits anyone can have. It shows that you were raised right and are a respectful and pleasant person. In truth, good manners cost nothing and are easy to display.
Help clear up
Helping to clear up sort of feeds into the manners point, but it is not often the expected thing to do. Carrying the dishes to the sink after a meal and offering to do the washing up will be the cherry on top of the manners cake and will instantly endear you to whoever is put in charge of the washing up. The best thing is, your offer to wash up will likely be declined, so you probably won’t have to end up doing it anyway.
Don’t brag about yourself
It’s okay to share some of your achievements if it’s within the context of the conversation. However, nobody likes a bragger, and going overboard with what you’ve achieved and how much you’ve made in commissions over the last trading year will not make you anyone’s friend. It can also make other people feel inferior, which is the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.
Invite them over
Don’t be afraid to invite your in-laws over. Letting them into your space and hosting them well will make them feel special and a wanted part of your life. It will also give them a chance to learn a little more about you and how you live. Just make sure to give the place a good tidy-up first.
Be personable
Being personable and warm is a great trait, and one that isn’t too hard to pull off, even if you are introverted. Smile and show attentiveness to the conversation, laugh in the right places, ask questions, and just interact with them in the way you’d want them to interact with you. They may be in-laws, but they’re still people.
Find a common ground
The best way to endear yourself to your in-laws is to find some early common ground. Do you share an interest in solving Rubik’s Cube puzzles? Do you like to crochet blankets? Whatever the common ground may be, it will give you some easy talking points and make your in-laws feel comfortable talking about themselves.
Don’t hide behind your partner
While you don’t want to be the sort of personality that takes up all the space in the room, you also don’t want to shrink and hide behind your partner. Your partner is the reason you’re there, but you also want to prove that you’re an adequate couple and prove that you’re right for the long term. Hiding behind your partner will only prevent you from building a connection with your in-laws.
Spend time with them alone
This may be slightly nerve-wracking, but spending time alone with your in-laws will help you to build up a connection and allow you to put across your personality and your intentions with their son/daughter. It will also show them that you are there for them as well as to make your partner happy.
Share recipes
Food is the way to anyone’s heart. A great way to build a connection and make a good impression with your in-laws is to share some personal recipes between yourselves. Not only will this open up another side to you, but it will also mean you can bolster your own recipe collection.
Don’t be afraid to voice an opinion
While you shouldn’t become a lecturer and make it seem like you know everything when you’re around the dinner table with your in-laws, if you have an opinion, voice it. They won’t throw you out because you think the newer Star Wars movies are better than the originals, or if you think The Monkees are better than The Beatles. Just don’t get political on the first meeting, okay?
Invite them to meet your parents
A great sign that you’re in the relationship for the long haul is if you invite your in-laws to meet your parents. If you can create harmony between your two families it will show your seriousness in the relationship and help you to cement yourself into the family dynamic. You’ve just got to hope that it doesn’t end up like it did with the Montagues and Capulets.
At least pretend to enjoy their food
This will be tough. Sometimes the food that your in-laws have prepared just won’t sit right with you. However, you should do everything you can to maintain a natural face, smile, and eat as much of the meal as you possibly can. They may have spent upwards of 72 hours marinading those Alaskan pig cheeks, so you’d better at least pretend to enjoy it.
Clean your house
If your in-laws are coming around yours, please tidy up before they arrive. Make sure everything is put away, clothes are hung up in the wardrobe, and the photo frames aren’t wonky. A tidy house is as big and important a first impression as a well-put-together outfit, so it’s best that you make sure everything is in order.
Interact with their pets
Pets are just as much part of the family as humans, so if they’re roaming around the house, show them a little attention. Get to know their names, ages, and breed, as they’ll likely be your in-laws’ pride and joy. Besides the son/daughter that you are dating, that is.
Admire their decor
When you visit your in-laws’ home, make sure to compliment their decor and how lovely you think their house is. Even if the wallpaper is rancid and the carpet is dated, a person’s home is usually decorated from the person’s heart, so expressing your admiration for it will be a perfect way to endear yourself.
Compliment your partner
It’s easy to forget after reading all these tips that your partner is going to be standing next to you throughout all this. Drop them the occasional compliment, make them feel seen, and their parents will know that your heart is in the right place. It can even be a part of the conversation, it doesn’t have to be out of the blue.
Compliment them
As well as complimenting your in-laws’ decor, feel free to compliment other aspects of their selves, such as their outfits, their car, or their food. Obviously, don’t go on some compliment rampage where you leave absolutely no stone unturned, as that will feel very disingenuous.
Let them know you enjoyed meeting them
When you’re on your way out of the door at the end of the night, make sure to let your in-laws know how much you enjoyed meeting them, even if you secretly had a terrible time. The first impression will leave an internal imprint on them, while the last impression will likely be the first thing they discuss after you leave.
Ask their advice
Don’t be afraid to ask your in-laws for advice. You probably won’t feel the need to the first time you meet them, but as you get to know them more, it’s not such a bad idea. This will make them and their opinions feel valued, especially if you make it seem as though they are the only people you are going to with your particular query.
Learn what food they like and make it for them
Food is the way into anyone’s heart. Learn what your in-laws like to eat, and make it for them when they visit you. The main thing is that you don’t tell them you’re going to make it. It will be a lovely surprise and it will make them realize that you listened to them and remembered things about them.
Let them speak
This primarily comes down to respect. Always let your in-laws finish their sentences when they are speaking, especially if they are more of a mild-mannered character. This will make them feel valued and help to build a connection between them and you. People want to be heard, so don’t be afraid to take a back seat and listen.
Get to know their backstory
Getting to know your in-laws’ backstory will help you to bond quicker, and will also show that you are interested in them. Don’t be afraid to ask about the town they grew up in or the places they loved to visit as a child. Nostalgia triggers some very warming parts of the brain and will help to sweeten the mood of the room.
Ask them about your partner’s childhood
Parents will seize any opportunity they can to go on long tangents about their child’s upbringing. They will happily throw around some embarrassing stories about your partner as a child, which not only makes for amusing conversation but also helps you get to know your partner a little better.
Ask about how they met each other
Everyone loves a sweet romantic story, even more so the people at the heart of it. Usually, people love to talk about how they met their significant other as it will bring back all sorts of fluttering emotions, putting them, as the storytellers in a good mood, and you as the listener in an equally good mood.
Get to know their family traditions
Getting to know your partner’s family traditions will help you to get a better understanding of their parents. Do they have a yearly family camping trip? Do they like to go abroad every New Year’s Eve? Find out as much as you can about their little quirks and traditions and you’ll get to know them on a deeper level even quicker.
Make them laugh
If you can make your in-laws laugh in any way that isn’t an uncomfortable chuckle, then you will be getting somewhere. Laughter eases tension and helps everyone to settle into the occasion and have a good time. This doesn’t mean you have to memorize a standup comedy routine, as laughter can come from anywhere. It could be an anecdote, or even something a little self-deprecating.
Learn about their culture
If your partner’s parents come from a different part of the world to you or have roots in other countries, do a bit of research before you meet them. This will not only help you discover new avenues of conversation, but it will also show them that you have done your research and put effort into getting to know them.
Don’t panic if it’s not going well
If you feel things are not going as well as you had planned, don’t panic. The more you try and force everyone to have a good time, the less likely they are to actually have a good time. If you just keep chatting with them, asking questions, and being personable, then you’ve at least done your bit. There’s no doubt you’ll have your partner there to help you out if needed.
Don’t try too hard to impress
If you try too hard to impress your in-laws, they will see through it. The best state to be in is relaxed and calm, as it will rub off on them. If you try too hard to make them like you, it will just make them uncomfortable, as it would with anybody. As always, don’t forget – your in-laws are just human beings.
Play a game with them
A great way to relax in each other’s company is to play a game of some sort. Whether it be a board game, card game, or any type of semi-competitive activity, it can break up the conversation and add a new dynamic to the night. It’s also a great way to have a laugh with them and an easy way to keep things flowing nicely.
Just be yourself
If you can take away anything from this article, it is to just be yourself when meeting your in-laws. The truth is, while there are ways to make the situation easier, if you come across as genuine and authentic, they will probably be able to see exactly what your partner sees in you. So relax, be yourself, and have a lovely time.
