This article previously appeared at Strong Mind, Brave Heart
Do I trust this person?
This one sounds obvious, but early on in a relationship, it’s something not everyone thinks about. Trust is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Reflect on whether you trust your potential partner’s intentions, words, and actions. Both partners should feel secure and confident in each other’s commitments.
What are my priorities?
Reflect on your life goals and priorities. Assess whether a relationship aligns with these aspirations or if it might hinder your personal growth. If a relationship right now will get in the way of your future plans, consider it. Balancing your individual goals with a relationship’s needs is essential for long-term compatibility.
Do we share the same values?
Core values shape decisions, behaviors, and the overall direction of a relationship. Evaluate whether you and your potential partner share fundamental beliefs about family, religion, ethics, and other significant aspects of life. Better to know these things at the start of a relationship, rather than when it’s too late.
What are my deal-breakers?
Clearly define your deal-breakers – those traits, behaviors, or circumstances you cannot tolerate in a relationship. Go into it knowing that if your standards aren’t met, there’s no compromise. Knowing and setting these boundaries will help you know where you are from the start.
Do we share the same financial outlook?
Money. It seems like it’s always a dirty word. Having clarity over the financial lifestyle of a future relationship is key, no matter how awkward the conversation may be. Would a new relationship scupper your savings goals? Do you even know your partner’s outlook when it comes to their finances?
Have I been in this situation before?
Reflecting on past experiences can go a long way in helping you make a decision. Do you have the same feelings as when you approached your last relationship? Identifying similar red flags from a previous partnership is a good sign this one could end up the same way. We all have our own experiences, good or bad. Use them.
Am I emotionally ready for this?
Starting a new relationship should be filled with excitement and the possibilities of the future. Making sure you are ready for the emotional changes you will feel should be a priority, though. Falling for someone, and them falling for you, comes with a weight of emotional responsibility. Make sure you are ready for it.
Can I see myself living with this person?
While the prospect of cohabiting with your new partner may seem like a long-distant reality, it is something you should think about. Long-term relationships do require sacrifice and compromise, and nothing tests that like living together. Can you handle sharing your daily routine with them?
Do you want children?
Another question that people often think is too early to ask at the start of a relationship, but it’s kind of a big one. Whether you would be comfortable having kids with your partner is something you should think about before committing, especially if you already know that your partner wants them. If you are even remotely unsure of the answer, you probably have your answer right there.
Do we share the same interests?
While relationships between a gym enthusiast and a couch potato can work out, it’s worth asking yourself if it would for you. If you can’t live without your daily workout session or your online gaming time, is this something your potential partner would participate in or at least support you in? Shared interests go a long way.
What went wrong in past relationships?
Think about past relationships and friendships that ended. What aspects of those relationships contributed to their demise? You can learn from these experiences, and prevent repeating them in the future when you meet someone whose company you really enjoy.
What is my love language?
You can express and receive love in five different ways, which are determined by the love languages you identify with: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and touch. There are several online quizzes that can help you determine your primary love language. Knowing your preferences and those of your partner helps you communicate more effectively and learn more about one another.
Am I over my ex?
It can be difficult to say whether or not we’re ready to move on from our ex, but it’s important to ask ourselves this question. If you’re still struggling with feelings for an ex, it might be too soon to start a new relationship. Remember that lying to yourself is a surefire way to get into trouble down the road.
Am I independent?
If you don’t take care of yourself and have interests, how can you be a good partner? How can you improve someone else’s life if you don’t know how to take care of yourself? Take care of yourself first and foremost, and then you’ll be able to help others. If you aren’t comfortable living on your own, it’s unlikely that any relationship would be healthy for you.
What did I learn from previous relationships?
Every failed relationship has a lesson underneath the surface. The trick is to figure out what it is. If you’ve learned nothing from past relationships, you’re likely to repeat the same mistakes.
Why do I want a relationship?
Have you ever asked yourself why you feel a desire to be in a relationship? It could be because you’re ready to share your life with someone, or it could be that you feel incomplete on your own. Make sure you know the reasons why you want to get into a relationship. If it’s just to fill an emptiness in your life, you’re not ready for commitment.
Do I have the time?
Relationships require time and energy, so if you’re thinking about starting a relationship, make sure you have enough of both. If you’re currently in the phase of your life where you’re focusing on your career or other priorities, it may not be the best time for you to date. Before you decide to enter a serious relationship, consider whether you have enough free time to devote to someone else.
Is it an equal partnership?
Being equals in a relationship protects you both from abuse and gives you the freedom to be yourself. A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust and honesty. It’s important that both partners are committed to making the relationship work and put time and effort into communication and showing affection. If you’re not sure whether your relationship is healthy or not, talk to friends or family members.
Am I settling?
If you’re looking for a relationship, it’s important to look for someone who makes you feel valued. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you just because they show interest in you. Wait until someone shows interest in you and makes you feel special before committing to a relationship with them.
Am I ready to be exclusive?
In a relationship, you need to learn to stop looking at the grass on the other side of the fence. If you choose to be with one person, it’s important to know you’re ready to be happy with them and not feel like there is something better out there.
What is my conflict style?
Different conflict management styles can be a source of tension and frustration in a relationship. Understanding your partner’s preferred style of managing conflict can help you navigate disagreements and move forward together. Conflicts are normal and healthy in relationships, but they can also spell trouble if not handled properly. There are many online resources for learning about conflict styles and effective conflict management techniques.
Am I comfortable around my partner?
It’s important to be yourself when you’re with the person you love. Are they helping you grow and develop as a person, or do they make you feel like you need to act differently around them? When you’re in love, it can be difficult to be honest with yourself, especially when it comes to your partner. Still, it’s important to do so.
Am I confident?
If you want to be in a meaningful relationship, you should be open to meeting someone new. To attract the right person into your life, you need to feel good about yourself and your life. When you feel good about yourself and your life, it shows in your relationships and makes others want to be around you.
Am I just bored?
Many people mistake boredom with a need for companionship. If you’re thinking about getting into a relationship because you’re bored, you need to figure out what’s missing from your life and make some changes. You don’t want to get into a relationship just because it seems like a good way to pass the time.
What are my interests?
Hobbies are important for people to feel happy and function well. If you don’t really have any hobbies that interest you, it’s a good idea to think about whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Develop some hobbies and interests that you can enjoy on your own. This will help you distinguish between the person you’re dating and yourself so that you don’t expect too much from your partner.
Have I healed from past trauma?
If you have been traumatized by an ex or some other past relationship, or if you have experienced trauma from childhood or family, then it’s possible that you are not ready for a new relationship. Don’t rush yourself into a relationship until you feel ready. Otherwise, you’ll likely end up projecting your own issues onto your partner.
Am I willing to compromise?
In any relationship, compromise is important. For example, if you and your partner want different things out of life — such as children or a career — that could be an issue down the line if neither party is willing to budge on their stance. Compromise means understanding each other’s point of view, finding a middle ground and working together to make both parties happy.
Do we communicate well?
When it comes to good communication, it’s important to talk about your feelings and needs with the people you care about. Communicating honestly and openly helps create a foundation of trust and intimacy in your relationships, which is crucial for building a happy and healthy life together.
Do we have similar sex drives?
Do you and your partner have similar sexual appetites? If you feel comfortable talking about it, ask your partner about their thoughts on sex in the relationship. Do they view sex as an important part of their relationships, or as something that happens once in a while? It’s a good way to find out if you’ll be compatible in the long term.
Do I feel safe?
People in healthy partnerships are considerate of their partners’ feelings. If they ever do something to hurt their partner, they should apologize as soon as possible. If they don’t seem to be listening to you or making excuses for their behavior, that might mean they’re not ready for a relationship.
Do I feel supported?
Partners who are supportive and kind to each other will encourage their loved ones to do their best, but they won’t allow themselves to be taken advantage of. When you have a concern about something your partner is doing, you should feel comfortable talking to them about it.
What am I looking for?
We all have different values, so it can be hard to find someone with whom you share enough common ground. If you’re looking for a partner who shares your values, it’s important to know what those are first. If honesty is important to you, for example, prioritize that when creating your list of priorities.
What are my fears?
We may have fears about being judged, rejected, or abandoned by our partners. These fears can lead us to withdraw from the relationship or try to control the other person. It’s important to talk about your fears with your partner. By facing your fears, you can overcome them.
What are my expectations?
It’s important to agree on some goals for the relationship. For example, you might want to discuss where you see yourselves in five years, or what kinds of activities you’d like to do together. Having a plan for your future together can help you stay focused on what matters to you. Talk about your hopes and dreams, from traveling to starting a family.
Why do I want to be with this person?
Many people find their partners because of physical attraction. However, this often leaves them feeling trapped in a relationship that lacks the emotional connection needed for a lasting relationship. Think about the qualities that attract you to the person, rather than just their appearance.
What are their flaws?
If you want a healthy relationship, it’s important to know what makes your partner tick. Also, if there are any flaws in your partner, then it’s best to know about them before entering a relationship with them. It’s important for both of you to accept each other for who they are and work together to overcome any obstacles that come up in the future.
Do we have the same priorities?
If one person places a higher value on family life than another, there could be conflicts down the road. For example, if one person values spending time with his or her family while another values career advancement, it could lead to conflicts over how much time is spent together.
Do we have the same sense of humor?
Research shows that couples who share a sense of humor have more satisfying relationships than couples who are funny independently. Shared humor can help couples bond and strengthen their relationship. The ability to laugh together at the same things is a sign of emotional security, which helps couples feel confident that they can weather any storm.
Do I fear commitment?
If you’re always breaking up with someone before it gets serious, it might be time to figure out why. Some people are wary of commitment, preferring to keep relationships light and casual. Others are unsure about whether they want a relationship at all. This can be frustrating for the people you date, who may wonder why you won’t give them more of your time and attention.
Do we get along with each other’s friends and family?
You and your partner don’t have to be best friends with each other’s families, but you should still feel comfortable when you’re around their loved ones. If you can’t get along with your partner’s friends and family, it might be time to re-examine the relationship.
What personality traits do I want in a partner?
When you’re ready to start dating, think about what qualities you’re looking for in a partner. For example, these might include someone who makes you laugh or someone who cares about others. On a first date, it’s important to be aware of your own needs and desires and make sure the other person is compatible with you.
What are my strengths and weaknesses?
We all have strengths and weaknesses. In job interviews, we sometimes present our strengths as weaknesses, when actually we are just trying to be humble. When you’re exploring who you are and how you want to live your life, be honest with yourself about where you’re at in the moment. This can help when it comes to finding a partner who complements who you really are.
What are my plans?
If you’re planning to move across the globe in the next few months, finding a long-term relationship might not be your best bet at the moment, especially if you and your partner want different things. It’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and the other person’s feelings when it comes to making big decisions like having children, getting married or buying a house together.
Am I happy?
Are you happy with your life and with who you are right at this moment? If not, then you may want to consider making some changes before seeking out a relationship. Although being happy with someone else is important, it’s equally important to be happy by yourself. If you’re not capable of being happy when you’re alone, then you’re probably not ready for a relationship yet.
Am I looking for someone to make me happy?
Are you single because you want to be, or do you just want the attention of a partner? Being in a relationship shouldn’t be your primary source of happiness. If it is, you’re going to have a tough time when things don’t go as planned. When you’re looking for a relationship, don’t make happiness your main goal. Instead, focus on compatibility and shared values.
What kind of commitment do I want?
Commitment is vital to a relationship. It helps couples stay together through the good and bad times, but what kind of commitment do you want? Are you looking for a partner who is dependable and supportive, or do you want someone who loves to go their own way? If you want a serious relationship, be upfront with your partner about your needs.
Am I willing to sacrifice anything for this relationship?
We all know relationships are a two-way street, but we don’t often think about what sacrifices we might need to make. It’s important to identify what you will or won’t compromise, and then stick to it. If you notice your partner is asking for more from you, step back to bring your relationship closer to what both of you want.
What do I dislike about being single?
Women in happy relationships aren’t necessarily healthier and happier than when they’re single, according to a new study. While being single can be lonely and depressing, it’s better to be unhappy and single than in a miserable relationship. If you try to build a relationship on unstable ground, it will probably fall apart.
Am I comfortable in my skin?
If you don’t love yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to truly love someone else. Additionally, if you’re self-conscious about your body, it can negatively impact your sex life. Embracing your body can be a difficult process, but if you learn to accept yourself and love the person you see in the mirror, your love life will improve.
Am I just looking for physical intimacy?
Are you looking for a relationship or just looking for someone to sleep with? Because if it’s just the physical intimacy you’re missing, there are plenty of people who would be happy to fulfill your needs. It’s always important to be honest with your partner and establish that you both want the same things.
Do I have a type?
Everyone has their preferences, but you should try to be open-minded when considering another person’s personality type or physical attributes. When you’re dating someone, don’t just look at the physical qualities they possess. Get to know them as a person before deciding whether or not they’re right for you.
Am I trying to fix someone?
While it is noble to want to help someone in need, it can be dangerous to date someone because you feel like you’re the only person who can fix them. While you may have the best of intentions, you will likely fail and suffer the consequences.
Do I only want a relationship because of external pressure?
If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend only because your friends and family are always bugging you about it, then you’re not ready for a relationship. They don’t have any right to meddle in your personal affairs, so tell them to back off and let you make your own decisions.
Do I want this to be serious or fun?
When you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to be clear about what you want. Are you looking for something casual or something more serious? A casual relationship can be fun and easy, but it may not be enough if you want something serious. Setting realistic expectations for your new relationship will help you avoid rejection and disappointment.
How sociable are we?
A person’s need for privacy and their interest in socializing vary from one individual to the next. It can be difficult for introverts and extroverts to understand each other’s needs. Extroverts may wish for more time together with their introverted partner, while introverts may feel overwhelmed by too much social interaction. It’s important to discuss your preferences and expectations early on with a new partner.
Do we have the same definition of cheating?
The definition of cheating can vary from person to person, and from relationship to relationship. You might feel that sexual fantasies are harmless, while your partner might consider them cheating. To ensure that everyone is on the same page, it would be a good idea to discuss this issue.
Do we have any current situationships?
In today’s dating landscape, there is often confusion regarding the status of a relationship and whether it is exclusive. If you are dating casually and both have other relationships or exes, it is important to discuss how you will communicate with those people. That way, you can make sure that each of you knows what the other expects from them.
Do they make me a better person?
When we spend a lot of time with someone, we often begin to adopt their mannerisms, develop similar interests and become more and more like them. If you have trouble accepting the person’s flaws and would never want to turn into the person they are – perhaps a romantic relationship is not the best idea at this time.
Am I attracted to them?
The idea that your appearance is all you need to be attractive to someone is a lie. Your personality, sense of humor and other qualities also matter. It’s not just looks that make a relationship last; it’s personality and values. Sure, someone might be gorgeous to look at, but if they don’t have anything else going for them then it doesn’t matter how attractive they are.
Do I get bored easily?
Being in a relationship is exciting in the beginning, but over time life tends to become predictable and routine. This is a healthy sign – it means you know what to expect from each other. If you feel bored or frustrated by this idea of predictability, it might not be a good idea for you to be in a relationship.
Am I emotionally independent?
It is common to have a romanticized and idealistic view of love. We expect that couples will act as each other’s emotional support, giving their partner strength and stability. However, when you start a relationship with this goal, you’re going to end up with someone who isn’t very good for you. Love is not about emotional dependence; it’s about emotional independence.
How much alone time do we need?
Asking less of your relationship and spending time apart may strengthen it. For example, maybe your partner does not like to stay up all night arguing with you about politics; maybe a friend does. If you are disappointed in one aspect of your relationship, one good way of dealing with that is to think about whether you can meet this need with someone else.
Are we exclusive?
When it comes to relationship questions, don’t assume anything. Ask the tough questions and make sure you both have the same expectations. If you want to be exclusive with someone and have no desire to date anyone else, or if you prefer not to be exclusive, talk with that person about it as soon as possible. Don’t lead someone on if you don’t plan on being exclusive.
Do either of us have jealousy issues?
If your partner is prone to extreme jealousy, it’s a good idea to be aware that trust will always be an issue in your relationship. Questions like these are a great way to learn about you and your partner’s flaws and the things you need to work on in your relationship.
Are we best friends?
It’s important to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with the person you’re dating. It’s also important that they want to spend time with you. Being best friends with your significant other makes it easier to communicate and express yourself, which helps your relationship grow. It shouldn’t feel like there’s a communication barrier between you two, either.
Have we ever wronged one another?
Say you and your partner have had some disagreements in the past. Maybe you broke up for a while but got back together again. Or maybe one of you did something hurtful to the other. If you think they may be harbouring resentment toward you, it might be time to talk about it.
Do you see them in your five-year plan?
Even if we’re not sure what the future holds, we do have an idea of what it might look like. And when it comes to serious relationships, you need to know whether you’re dating for marriage or a potential life partner. This is a pretty big question, so be prepared for a long discussion. But if you want to know how your partner feels about commitment, it’s worth asking.
What are your views on open relationships?
When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to know where you both stand. Do you both want to remain monogamous or do you want to open up your relationship? If you are considering an open relationship, it can be helpful to know how your partner feels about them.
Do they believe in relationship roles?
This question is a great way to expose underlying beliefs about gender roles. Your partner should be willing to help around the house, including tasks that may not be their favorite. The issue comes up when your boyfriend expects you to do all of the “womanly” work like cooking and cleaning.
Do they love me for who I am?
Trying to change you is a sign that your partner is not ready for a relationship. Loving people accept you for who you are, flaws and all. It is important to have a partner who will challenge you and protect you from hurting yourself or others. But it is also important to recognize the difference between challenging you and trying to change you.
