This article previously appeared on Strong Mind Brave Heart
Is it a compliment to be compared to them?
One of the biggest signs that your partner is right for you is that you admire their personality and their values. Therefore, it’s worth asking yourself how you would feel if your friend said the words “You know, you and your partner are so alike!” If you would feel flattered or happy about the comparison, then it’s likely you know your other half is a good person.
Do your future plans include them?
In any healthy relationship, it’s normal to have goals and ambitions that have little to do with your partner. With that said, if when you imagine your future, your other half is totally absent or playing a very minimal role in your life, that could mean that subconsciously you don’t think your relationship is going to last. Either that, or you don’t see it as worth investing in.
How do your friends feel about them?
Obviously, you shouldn’t make all romantic choices based on your friends’ approval. However, if every single one of your pals has an issue with your other half, or you’ve avoided introducing them because you’re worried about what they might think, then that’s a sign that you already know the person is not a good fit for you. That, or they’re not a good person period.
Do you like them as well as love them?
Love is a crucial component of any relationship, but one thing that’s often overlooked is that it is just as important to like your partner as well. In a long-term or serious relationship, your other half isn’t just your romantic partner, but also your roommate and your friend. If you don’t share the same humour or even enjoy their company outside of dates, that could become an issue.
Would you trust them to look after a friend’s pet?
One of the best and most reliable ways to see what kind of person someone is is to see how they act around children or animals. If you wouldn’t let your other half take care of a friend’s dog while they’re on vacation, then that probably means you don’t think they’re very responsible, caring or dedicated. These are all qualities that most people need in a partner.
Do you feel able to change and grow?
A relationship, especially one of the long-term and serious variety, should feel like a safe and comfortable place to be. With that said, one thing you should never feel in your relationship is stifled or complacent. If you worry that pushing harder in your career or picking up a new interest will make your partner feel defensive or insecure, then that’s a bad sign.
Are you excited to talk about them?
Nobody likes it when you show up to a brunch with friends and gab about your partner for hours. The opposite is just as bad of a sign though; if you avoid talking about your other half completely, then it’s worth interrogating why. Are you worried that the more your pals know about your relationship, the less they’ll approve? Or do you simply have nothing nice to say?
How have they responded to difficult times?
It’s easy to feel like your relationship is the right one when everything in both your lives is going well. What’s more telling is how your partner acts when things get tough. Looking back on things like arguments, familial deaths, financial strife or health issues will give you a better picture of if your other half makes you feel supported and able to take on challenges.
Are you compromising too much?
No relationship is perfectly 50/50, and it’s impossible to get your way 100% of the time when you’re in a partnership. With that said, if you feel like you’re constantly making changes to your lifestyle, finances, goals and opinions to satisfy your partner then that’s a problem, especially if they don’t seem to be making similar sacrifices for you.
Do you have shared things to bond over?
In any healthy relationship, both parties will have friendships and hobbies that they pursue individually. However, ideally, you should at least have a couple of interests and loves in common. If you can’t remember the last time you and your other half so much as enjoyed a movie together, let alone went dancing, took a trip to the theatre or gamed together, it might be time to rethink your compatibility.
Are you able to communicate honestly?
Open communication is essential for any relationship to be successful. Check out how you and your partner handle disagreements, and whether you can talk through sensitive issues without getting defensive. If you notice that communication has broken down, or if there are problems that have been left unresolved, it may be a sign of trouble in the relationship.
Are you sacrificing your happiness?
Are you sacrificing your happiness for the sake of your relationship? In relationships, both partners should be able to find happiness and fulfillment. If you feel like you are always the one compromising your plans and dreams while you get nothing in return, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Is your relationship affecting your mental health?
Evaluate your relationship. Do you feel that it positively impacts your emotional and mental well-being? Be alert to signs of emotional distress or unhappiness that may arise from being in a relationship. It’s important to take care of yourself and your mental health.
Do you feel attracted to other people?
Everyone has crushes, whether they’re on a co-worker or a celebrity. As long as you’re being respectful, it’s harmless. Just because you are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean your impulses disappear. When you’re facing a big decision about your relationship, it can be helpful to think about why you and your partner got together in the first place.
How is your intimacy?
Sex is a complex activity that depends on many factors. Don’t judge your partner based solely on their sexual ability; a relationship consists of many other factors as well. If you and your partner are having problems in bed, don’t give up hope. An honest conversation with your partner may help you get more comfortable with the topic.
Do you get along with each other’s families?
It’s true that you can’t always get along with your partner’s family. But if your partner is supportive, don’t let those doubts ruin your relationship. Don’t let a meddling mother-in-law or jealous sibling make you doubt your relationship. You are with the person you love, not their family members.
Do you have similar spending habits?
In a strong relationship, it is important to be on the same page when it comes to finances. If you or your partner have different attitudes toward money, it can cause problems in the relationship. If financial stress is causing you to doubt the relationship, talk to your partner about it and find ways to work out a plan together.
Do you accept each other’s differences?
No two people are exactly alike, but there are ways to cope with differences in order to maintain a healthy relationship. It can be difficult if one partner expects you to change who you are. Opposites do attract, but only if both partners are willing to adjust to each other’s differences.
Are you still attracted to your partner?
Long-term couples can fall into a rut. The affection and love may remain, but the initial spark of attraction can fade, leading to an increase in extramarital affairs. To keep a relationship going, you and your partner will need to work at it. Don’t let the spark die out – reignite it!
Do you have similar conflict styles?
Arguments are natural in every relationship. You and your partner should try to find a balance between being assertive and remaining respectful when you argue. If neither of you can stay calm during an argument, it may be time to step back and reevaluate the situation.
What are your deal breakers?
When you ask yourself this question, you are setting boundaries for yourself and your partner. If either of you crosses a boundary, your relationship will be at risk. Dealbreakers are an important part of relationships, especially when it comes to infidelity, lying and financial troubles. These points often create huge doubts in a relationship, so don’t be afraid to address them.
Do you both give and receive equally?
It is always important to ask yourself if you are both giving and receiving in a relationship. A relationship or partnership should never be one-sided. A relationship should be a give-and-take situation. You should not expect to get something out of it if you are not also willing to give something in return.
Do your values still align?
Although you and your partner may have different interests, hobbies, and passions, are you both committed to the same core values? People who share political, spiritual, or religious beliefs are more likely to form successful relationships than those who do not.
Do you understand each other’s love language?
Before you can express your love for each other, you need to identify your love language. Are you and your partner speaking the same love language? Are there things that one of you needs that the other isn’t providing? If so, talk about them openly and try to work out a solution together.
Does your partner meet your needs?
Making a list of your relationship needs and desires is one of the best ways to determine whether your partner can give you what you need. If your partner hasn’t been able to meet all of your needs, it’s time to talk about how you can work together to fulfill them. If you find that your partner regularly fails to meet your needs, this is a red flag.
How often do you have doubts?
If you are currently experiencing doubts about your relationship, start by asking yourself how often you have these thoughts. Do they come and go without much impact, or do they linger? Everyone’s relationship is different, and there are no perfect couples. But if you’re constantly weighing the pros and cons of your relationship, that may mean that you’re not as happy as you could be.
Are you repeating mistakes from past relationships?
If you notice that your new partner is similar to your exes, do some self-examination before making any commitments. This is especially true if your partner and relationship seem perfect on paper. If you feel uneasy about your relationship, talk to someone you trust. A friend, family member or therapist can help you sort out your feelings and come to a decision that feels right for you.
Do you feel safe?
This question is meant to identify any behavior that puts you on edge, even if it doesn’t happen every day. If something in your relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, address it with your partner. If they are willing to make some changes, there may be hope for the relationship.
Are you both open to compromise?
Compromise in a relationship is important. If you have an ongoing issue with your partner and they aren’t willing to compromise, it may be time to end things. When two people are right for each other, they don’t try to change each other or make one another feel guilty. They accept each other’s differences and support one another.
Is your relationship holding you back?
A good relationship allows for both partners to grow and change, without feeling like they have to change for their partner. Finding the right person to date requires that you find someone who supports your goals and will do everything they can to help you succeed. If they don’t have your best interests in mind, then they aren’t right for you.
Do you feel excited to spend time with them?
While it’s natural to have ups and downs in your relationship, you should generally feel happy when you’re together. If your partner doesn’t make you feel excited and happy, it might be time to have a talk. You can make it work if you both put in the effort, but it may take some guidance from a relationship counselor or therapist.
What does your ideal relationship look like?
Ask yourself what you want in a relationship. What are the qualities that are most important to you? What kind of person do you want to spend time with? Then compare those traits with those of your current partner. Thinking about the qualities you want in a relationship and comparing them to your partners will help you figure out why you have doubts about your relationship.
Why haven’t you ended things?
You may be in a relationship that’s not really working for you, but you’re too scared to break up with your partner. Take the time to think about why you’ve stayed together so long and whether it’s time to move on. If you’re staying in a relationship because it’s comfortable and easy, you may be missing out on one that’s more fulfilling.
Are you just afraid of being alone?
When you stay in a bad relationship because you’re afraid of being alone, you’re not allowing yourself to grow or experience life on your own. Learning to be comfortable with yourself and love your own company is a valuable life skill that will bring inner confidence, stop you from settling for less and help you figure out who you really are and what you want in a relationship.
Do they make you laugh?
Humour is a sign of a good relationship. Do you and your partner have similar senses of humour? Even better, can they make you laugh when you’re feeling down? If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself if your partner makes you laugh more than they make you angry. If not, then maybe it’s time to move on.
Do you trust them?
Some ways to betray someone’s trust are by telling lies, breaking promises and allowing friends or family to talk poorly about them. Another way is emotionally or physically cheating. We all make mistakes, but some can be unforgivable. If someone has hurt you repeatedly, it’s a good idea to move on. You deserve better than that.
Do you feel like something is missing?
It’s important to look inside yourself and understand what is causing your doubts. Once you know what it is, you can determine how to change it or live with it. Relationships are not perfect. If you feel like something is off about your relationship, talk about it with your partner. This will help you figure out what’s a deal breaker and what isn’t.
Are your doubts based on facts?
Some people are naturally cynical. When they start to doubt their relationship, they may doubt it forever. When you’re experiencing relationship doubts, it’s important to establish whether or not these doubts are justified. You may have noticed something different about your partner, or maybe you just have a feeling that something is off. Whatever it is, it’s important to talk about it with your partner.
How long have you felt like this?
It’s normal for relationships to go through rough patches. However, if you’re feeling unhappy in your relationship for more than a few weeks, it’s time to take action. If you can’t remember exactly when you started feeling unhappy in your relationship, ask your friends if they can recall any patterns they have noticed over time.
Do you prefer being around other people?
If you find yourself preferring to be with friends instead of your partner, it might be a sign that you and your partner are drifting apart. If you find yourself longing to be around friends, or wanting to be alone, it’s a sign that your unhappiness is rooted in your relationship.
