Dreams you had about someone else
Infidelity is a serious thing, and if you’re developing deep feelings for someone else, that’s something you probably need to communicate with your partner. However, dreams are just dreams, and spilling the details of every random accidental romantic musing is only likely to stress out your other half and make them wonder if something is going on in real life.
Your real thoughts on their cooking
If you’ve been married for a long time, and your partner’s go-to Wednesday spaghetti bolognese is so repulsive to you that you dread sitting down at the dinner table, then you should probably speak up for the health of your relationship. However, bursting your partner’s bubble by saying you only kind of like their special hot sauce recipe is cruel and pointless.
What your friends actually think of them
Obviously, if all of your friends are united in hating your partner after seeing how they treat you, then that’s a red flag. Likewise, if your other half does something to make your bestie uncomfortable, that’s worth discussing. However, your partner doesn’t need to know that your childhood friend thinks their taste in music is trash, their facial hair is silly or that they talk too much.
That you hate their favourite shirt
Unless your partner is trying to wear flip-flops to a black tie dinner or a Spider-Man onesie to the grocery store, commenting on their clothes should be something you usually avoid. Giving them feedback on outfit options for date night when they ask for it is fine, but expressing your hatred for their favourite Bugs Bunny tee will just erode their confidence and personality.
Things you already did with your ex
Especially in long-term, serious relationships, some discussion of exes is inevitable. Your partner should probably know any songs that you don’t want to listen to anymore, or any insecurities you were left with from your last relationship. With that said, your new squeeze doesn’t have to know that you already went to that fancy French restaurant, or have in fact been horseriding before.
What you’re getting them for their birthday
This one is a classic and a no-brainer. The one secret it’s always okay to keep from your partner is what you are planning on getting them for their birthday, for Christmas or for an anniversary. Although, in the best relationships they will kind of already know because you’ll have picked up on the hints they’ve left or you’ll have subtly checked what they want.
The thing their parents do that annoys you
Meeting your partner’s parents is initially terrifying, but the power they wield usually fades pretty quickly. After a while, you’re more likely to notice how your other half’s dad constantly reads headlines but not articles, or how their mum will eat shortbread over the sink to avoid crumbs. However, unless their behaviour is hurtful or damaging, it’s worth hushing up about how much their habits annoy you.
Their most irritating habits
Just like it’s not worth telling your partner how much it bugs you when their dad leaves their half-empty coffee cup on the radiator, letting your other half know their own annoying habits doesn’t usually result in anything productive. If they’re leaving sugar out so much you’ve got ants then talk to them about it, but the odd sock on the sofa is fine.
What you think of their friends
As the old adage goes, when you date someone, you also date their family. This is also true of friends, especially the lifelong, childhood kind. While outright rudeness, condescension or bullying is obviously not cool, finding your partner’s pals a bit abrasive, immature or just silly isn’t necessarily cause for conversation. Maybe just make your excuses and leave lads’ night early.
The chores they forgot because they were busy
Skipped chores can build resentment in a relationship faster than almost anything else, but that doesn’t mean that every missed lot of washing up needs to be commented on. If your other half is obviously stressed from work, multi-tasking during a period of illness or otherwise has very little bandwidth, temporarily picking up the slack without talking about it can save them some embarrassment.
You find their friends attractive
It’s equally as bad to tell your significant other that you find their friends attractive as it is to confess that you find them insufferable. This will not only spark a potential flame of distrust, but it will leave your partner with feelings of inadequacy, thinking they don’t match up to the levels of their friends in terms of attractiveness. It’s best to remain diplomatic when asked what you think of their friendship group.
Your parents don’t approve of them
Winning over your partner’s parents is one of the first major tasks you have to undertake when you enter into a serious relationship. If your partner is losing the battle for parental approval, it’s probably best to keep that information from them. It will inevitably lead to a ‘me or them’ situation and could lead to your partner feeling ostracized from your family life.
That you prefer something about your ex
This is just something your current partner does not need to know. Whether it be that your ex was better at cooking spaghetti or something a little more intimate, it will only sow seeds of jealousy into the relationship, leaving them feeling as though you still have feelings for your previous partner. It’s best to leave your ex in the past and focus on the future with your current flame.
You weren’t initially attracted to them
Even if it took you a little while to see them for who they truly are, your partner doesn’t need to be exposed to that information. You don’t need to lie and say they had your heart from the moment you locked eyes like some sort of Renaissance poet, just don’t admit that you weren’t attracted from the start. This will lead, once again, to your partner feeling inadequate and hurt.
You wish they were more ambitious
Every one of us has different goals in life and different feelings about how we define success. If your partner isn’t contributing anything whatsoever and you have bills to pay, maybe have a little word with them, but otherwise, let them be happy in the job they are doing. Not everybody is willing to be a participant in hustle culture.
You cheated on your former partner
Telling your current partner this is a hugely effective method of destroying the trust in you that they have built up. Regardless of whether you have changed your ways or it was just a drunken mistake, your current partner will be instantly wondering whether the same thing will happen to them. Once trust has been knocked off track, it’s very hard to return it to its correct path.
Your partner was originally a rebound
This one is a real killer, as it will stir up fears that you still have feelings for your ex and cause your partner to feel like they mean less to you than they originally thought. It’s best to forget about the whole rebound thing, as it carries very little meaning the further you get into the relationship, especially if you have developed strong feelings for your current partner.
What you write in your diary
If you keep a diary or a journal, you do not have to share what you write in it with your partner, however curious they are about it. Everybody is entitled to their own privacy, even if you’re writing about purely trivial things that you have seen or done. Oh, and if they are getting more and more curious about the contents of your diary, you should probably hide it somewhere safe.
That you have gone through their phone
Let’s face it, nobody that looks through someone else’s phone is ever doing it to look through the person’s endless photo albums of their dog. If you have gone on a mining expedition of your partner’s phone, you definitely shouldn’t be telling them, unless you find something really awful. This is a huge invasion of privacy and will only show your partner that you have an almighty lack of trust in your relationship.
Negative things people say behind their back
As much as they know they shouldn’t people will always cast their judgments on strangers behind their backs, it’s human nature. If you have overheard something negative being said about your significant other, there is no need to alert them about it. This will only lead to feelings of insecurity and heightened self-consciousness.
Things you know will make them anxious
If your partner has a huge fear of spiders, you probably shouldn’t let them know that the biggest spider you’ve ever seen is currently residing on the bathroom ceiling. Sort the issue out and move swiftly on. The same can be said about more important personal issues they may have going on. If there is a family dispute weighing your partner down, it’s probably best you don’t keep bringing it up over dinner.
You really hate their favorite band
Even if your partner does think that the members of Coldplay are the best selection of individuals to ever pick up instruments, you shouldn’t overemphasize your distaste for their opinion. Music tastes and favorite bands can be extremely sentimental and are of course rooted in subjectivity. Your partner may have attributed their favorite artist’s songs to important people and moments in their life.
Their interests bore you
A person’s interests are one of the most important characteristics of who they are. If you proudly let your partner know that you find their hobbies and interests to be mind-numbingly dull, it will feel like a personal attack on their character. While you don’t have to show the same boundless enthusiasm for metal detecting or jump for joy at the thought of collecting stamps, they’ll appreciate you showing some interest in the things they love to do.
How you spend your own money
Finances are a sensitive topic in relationships, especially if there is a sizeable gap in the wages of the two people involved. As long as you are pulling your weight with bills and payments, there is no reason that you should tell your partner what exactly you choose to spend your own hard-earned money on. Unless it is something that will affect their life, of course.
Your friends’ secrets
Nobody should be above the confidentiality of the secrets your friend has entrusted you to keep. If you have been put in a position where you know something about your friend that nobody else in the world does, you probably shouldn’t tell anybody, including your partner. This compromises the relationship between you and your friend and will leave you in the hottest of water if they find out you’ve been telling other people their secrets.
You have rigorously stalked their ex online
Curiosity can get the better of anyone, and may, on occasion, lead to you doom-scrolling through the social media feed of your partner’s ex. First, for the sake of your mental well-being, it’s best that you stop doing that, and secondly, your partner doesn’t need to know that you can recite their ex’s life story from memory. This will only end in your current partner feeling a little creeped out.
You don’t have any affection for their pets
If your partner is an animal lover and has brought pets with them into your relationship, you should probably embrace it as best you can. Learn their names, understand their personalities and at least try and act affectionate. To most pet owners, their animals are just as much part of the family as any human and are deeply loved, so you probably shouldn’t complain a great deal.
You think they’re a bad dancer
Now, most people know if they lack the rhythm and coordination to pull off dance moves effectively. If your partner is throwing all kinds of ludicrous shapes and enjoying themselves, then let them be. Dancing like nobody is watching is liberating, and having the confidence to do so deserves some commendation.
Letting them know you resent their success
Work-based jealousy is not a healthy trait, and letting your partner know that you resent their success is not a healthy thing to do in a relationship. After all, they probably thought you’d be proud of them for working hard, as they were likely doing so with good intentions. This can easily wedge a gap between the two of you, leaving them thinking that you have begun making tracks down separate paths.
You let them win at a game
If you’re in denial about losing to your significant other at a board game, video game, or any game you may have devised, you should probably move past this point. If you genuinely did let them beat you, you probably shouldn’t tell them. This will burst their little bubble of joy at winning. However, if they continue to brag about the victory, feel free to comfortably win the rematch.
You think their singing is awful
Not everyone is blessed with the voice of an angel, despite what they may feel in the shower. If your partner’s singing leaves a lot to be desired, it’s best to just put up with it. Let them have their moment of self-expression, even if you do receive noise complaints from your neighbors. However, if they announce to you they’re planning on auditioning for a singing competition on national TV, then you should probably intervene.
Your list of blocked contacts
People’s contact lists are funny places, home to a jumbled mix of names and numbers, some of which you likely haven’t called for years. It is usually people’s blocked lists that contain the most intrigue, and have the ability to bring up some awkward conversations between you and your partner. Whether it be the phone numbers of exes or the local pizza shop that bombards you with texts, you have the right to keep this list private.
You’re about to propose
Some things are just meant to be kept a secret. Telling your partner that you are going to propose to them is an excellent way of taking all the magic out of the moment and ruining a memory that will last a lifetime. Maybe that sounds a little dramatic, and they might forgive you eventually, but it’s clearly best if you just keep it a secret until you fancy popping the question.
The plans you’ve just told them about were made months ago
You know when you make plans about six months in advance, completely forget about them, and have to tell your significant other that they are going to have to cancel everything they had planned for the upcoming weekend? It’s a lot more forgivable if you let your partner think that they’re going to a spontaneous gathering with your entire family, four hours away from home, rather than one planned half a year ago.
You’ve already watched the entire Netflix series you were binging together
Couldn’t wait for the next evening to watch the upcoming episode of the Netflix show you’ve been binging with your other half? Understandable. You just really shouldn’t let them know that you skipped ahead. They’ll rightfully see it as the ultimate betrayal and probably never want to watch another show with you again. So sit back, relax, and pretend you didn’t see anything.
How many sexual partners you have had
When you’re in a relationship it is inevitable that, at some point, you’ll get onto the topic of previous dating experiences. While some people may not care at all about how many romantic partners you’ve had, it is not information that you should feel obliged to disclose.
You have a massive crush on a celebrity
This is another one that depends on the person you’re keeping the secret from. Some may see a celebrity crush as amusing in its unattainability, while some may be upset or worried that they don’t match up to the celebrity in question. Either way, your celebrity crush isn’t something you have to openly flaunt.
Someone flirted with you
If you’re not careful, this one could touch a nerve with your significant other, regardless of whether you reciprocated the flirting or not. The flirting may have been harmless, but it is often easier to keep this one quiet with your partner unless it’s revealing some actual useful information to them.
Acknowledging they gained weight
Unless you are genuinely concerned for their health and wellbeing, telling your partner that they have gained weight will only lead to negative outcomes. Feelings of self-consciousness on their part will be met with feelings of guilt on your part. If you can avoid telling them this, which you definitely can, it would be well worth it.
You wouldn’t love them if they were a worm
You may have been sat down and asked the question of whether you would still love your partner if they were a worm. For the sake of domestic ease, just say yes. You know full well you wouldn’t, they sort of know that you wouldn’t, but saying you would love them as a hypothetical worm will prevent any nonsensical accusations that your heart isn’t fully in the relationship.
Intimate details of your romantic history
While it is important to be open and honest with your partner about your romantic or sexual history, you don’t need to go into detail about every single intimate encounter you’ve ever had. You can tell your partner about your past experiences, but don’t go into too much detail. It’s not necessary to discuss the specifics of your previous relationships to make a new one work.
Your secret habits
Everyone has their own quirky habits, and some of them are a bit strange, or even gross. It’s probably best not to share them with anyone else unless you’re comfortable with the reaction. You don’t need to share this information with your partner. In fact, sharing it might hurt the mystery and romance in your relationship.
Your doubts in the relationship
Every relationship goes through periods of uncertainty. You may find yourself questioning your relationship, and this feeling can be unsettling. While it is important to confront these doubts head-on, you should also remember that raising these issues too soon can compromise your relationship. It’s best to deal with your feelings on your own unless they get too big, in which case you should share them with your partner.
You don’t like their family
If you dislike your partner’s family, it can be hard to keep this thought to yourself. But if you genuinely feel that the family could use some improvement, don’t share your opinion with them. Instead, wait until they do something wrong on their own and then let them know how they’ve hurt or disappointed you.
You dislike something they can’t change
You shouldn’t be brutally honest with your partner about everything. Not every problem that bothers you will be solved, and complaining shouldn’t always be a way to vent frustration. If you truly love them, you’ll sometimes sacrifice your own needs for theirs.
That your previous lover was better in bed
This is one of the best secrets to keep to yourself. Don’t share this with your lover, because they may feel insecure if they think that previous lovers were better in bed. You should work on developing your relationship and making your sex life the best you can.
Your passwords
It’s important for both people in a relationship to feel comfortable sharing private information. This means that each person should be able to have their own privacy and not feel like they’re being spied on. If you want to check up on the other person’s phone or computer, be sure there is something to find before you do it, because if there isn’t then you’ll only cause trouble for yourself.
The little things that turn you off
Even the most attractive people have some physical features that are less than desirable. For example, they may have large pores, a weird laugh, or long toenails that they always forget to trim. If mentioning these things going to make them feel insecure, don’t say it. It’s important to be aware of the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of your partner. Use this knowledge to strengthen your relationship, not weaken it.
What you talk about in therapy
If you want to talk about something that you’ve discussed with your psychiatrist or something that you plan to discuss at your next appointment, you can bring it up with your partner. However, don’t ask for details about what was said or given away during the session; these are one-on-one sessions, not couple’s therapy.
Your mail
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to respect your partner’s privacy. If a package is addressed to your partner, do not open it unless they are present. Your partner may not mind if you open it, but they will appreciate the fact that you respect their privacy.
Your beauty routine
Since you and your partner are sharing your lives, it’s natural to want to share the details of your beauty regimen with each other. But if you don’t feel comfortable sharing those details, that’s OK too. Your partner does not need to know about every treatment you have done or product you use to stay looking and feeling good.
What you did at the club
Your friend’s bachelor weekend or girls’ night out doesn’t have to be a subject of conversation for your significant other. As long as you were faithful and didn’t break any relationship boundaries, you can keep the details of that wild weekend on the strip to yourself and your best friends.
What you talk to your friends about
When you and your partner talk with each other, you have a right to privacy. The same is true for the conversations you have with your friends. While it is true that keeping secrets can be harmful, there are exceptions. For example, when discussing female matters with other women, it may be beneficial to keep certain things private.
Things that embarrass you
Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets, whether it’s a bad romance or failing at a job. Keeping secrets in a relationship shouldn’t always be wrong. You are not obligated to share every detail of your past with your partner. And even if there were no lingering effects from the experience, it should not affect your relationship now.
Your mental state
While it’s important to discuss mental health issues early on in a relationship, it can be difficult to admit to having a diagnosed mental disorder due to the stigma surrounding it. It’s something you should definitely talk about with your partner because it shouldn’t be a secret – but you shouldn’t mention it until you’re ready.
What you were like in high school
You don’t need to share every aspect of your high school experience with your partner. After all, it was so long ago! What you looked like or whom you dated doesn’t matter nearly as much as who you are now or what you’ve accomplished since then. If you were mean or uncool in high school, well, those things don’t need to get shared either!
You checked up on your ex
It may have been a while ago, but telling your partner that you casually visited your ex’s profile is a surefire way to get him or her thinking about the relationship in a negative way. However, if you’re still attracted to your ex or have lingering feelings, you should tell your current partner before you get more involved.
You don’t like their gift
When it comes to gift exchanges, it’s natural for couples to have different opinions about what makes a good present. But since your partner probably chose the gift with a thought in mind, it’s best to thank them for it and show appreciation for their thoughtfulness, regardless of how you really feel.
You finished a TV show without them
Many couples like to watch TV together. However, life gets in the way sometimes and your partner will be busy with work or out with friends. Before you know it, you’ve watched that new episode of your favorite show all by yourself. Our advice? Don’t tell them and instead watch it again with them.
Your income
Some partners like to share their finances with each other, while others prefer to keep their earnings, investments and spending a secret. It is your choice, and there’s no right or wrong way to manage your finances as long as both you and your partner are comfortable with the arrangement.
How much money you spent on a gift
In long-term relationships, like marriage, it’s important to be honest about how you spend your money. However, you shouldn’t have to tell your partner how much money you’ve spent on a gift for them. Of course, if you tell them the amount and they’re upset about it, then you should reconsider your actions. But generally speaking, it’s best to keep things like this to yourself.
You noticed an attractive stranger
You may be happily married and think your spouse is beautiful, but chances are you’ll pass someone on the street someday and notice how attractive they are. It’s normal, but don’t bring it up to your spouse. When you start to develop feelings for someone other than your partner, it’s important to tell them. But if it’s just a passing attraction, you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.
If you met up with your ex
When you don’t tell your partner about having drinks or lunch with an ex, it’s usually because you have different ideas about what constitutes appropriate behavior. Some people are more flexible than others when it comes to this sort of thing; if you feel that it’s appropriate for you and your partner to discuss, great, if not then you don’t need to.
Your family secrets
Even if you are married, it’s important to maintain some boundaries with regard to your family. You are a couple now and not part of a larger unit. It’s okay to withhold some information about your family from your partner. Your partner doesn’t need to know every detail about them to have a relationship with them.
Details of your past trauma
Sharing some of your experiences with a partner can be helpful. However, there are some things best kept to yourself, especially if they might threaten your relationship. You might want to seek help from a medical professional to deal with the trauma you’ve experienced. You’ll find that your relationship will get better as a result.
Whether you’ve had an abortion
If you had an abortion in the past, you don’t need to tell anyone about it. You can keep it to yourself if you want to and you should never feel obligated to disclose that information to anyone. If you can no longer have children due to the abortion, it may be necessary to come clean. Otherwise, it is a decision that only concerns you.
A cured STD
If you are having sex with someone, it’s important to be honest about your sexual history. However, if you had a minor STD years ago that has been treated and cured and haven’t had one since, then it may be OK not to share that information with your partner.
Your minor criminal history
Unless you are a registered sex offender or have committed murder or armed robbery, you can probably keep the indiscretions of your youth to yourself. If you have been convicted of a crime and served time in prison, however, you will have a harder time keeping your record under wraps.
Your adult entertainment
It’s up to you whether or not you’ll share your adult videos, toys or books with your partner. Some partners might find them fun and exciting, while others might be offended or put off by them. However, if you do share them and they remain opposed, you may need to dump them for someone who is more open-minded about your needs.
Your debt
If you do not live with your partner or share finances, you don’t have to tell him or her about your debts. However, if you both plan on getting married in the next five years and starting a family, it’s best to be honest about your spending habits. If you’re just dating, keep finances separate and don’t talk about yours.
