You’re always the one making plans
No relationship is ever truly 50/50, but if you’re the only one ever making any kind of effort, you might not be in a relationship at all. If your crush only hangs out when you do all the work of planning and preparing, and even then it takes some cajoling, then it’s more likely that they’re keeping you on the back burner just in case.
They don’t talk to their friends about you
The first thing many people do when getting into a new relationship is gush to their friends about what’s going on. While you obviously don’t want every little detail of your romantic life shared, if your crush isn’t talking about what’s going on between the two of you at all, that’s a sign they see it as temporary, unimportant or a secret.
You don’t want them to meet your friends
Similarly, if you don’t want your crush to meet your pals, it’s likely because you know that what’s going on between the two of you isn’t actually a partnership. Maybe you’re embarrassed to let your friends see that you’re being strung along, or maybe you’re worried that introducing them will be too much commitment for your crush and scare them away.
They’re reluctant to define the relationship
Waiting a while to define the relationship or talk about where it’s going is totally understandable, as nobody wants to jump the gun and ruin something really special. With that said, if you’ve been stuck in nebulous, undefined territory for an extended period of time, it could be because your crush wants to keep making you think that it could turn into something serious.
You’re embarrassed to talk about what’s going on
If you want to know whether you’re in a relationship or just being strung along, ask yourself this question: Would you be embarrassed to tell your friends and family exactly what’s going on, without any glossing over or flattering veneer? If the answer is yes, then you secretly know that you’re being taken for a ride and not being treated how you deserve to be.
They’re always venting to you
Sometimes people lead others on in order to enjoy a physical relationship without any of the commitment, but just as often it’s emotional closeness without the strings that they’re looking for. If your crush is constantly leaning on you for emotional support and venting to you about their job, their family, or, most dangerously of all, their exes, then you’re probably being led on.
You can’t vent to them in return
In a healthy, reciprocal relationship, both parties feel able to give and receive emotional support as needed. If you feel like you’re constantly giving your crush help with their problems, but they never seem to give yours the time of day, it’s worth asking if you’re in a relationship, or if your crush is just using you as a free therapist and shoulder to cry on.
They never post about you on social media
There are some people who could be in the happiest, most fulfilling relationship in the world, and they still wouldn’t feel the need to post their other half on Facebook or Instagram. With that said, there are others who avoid posting pictures of dates or movie nights because they don’t want to limit their options by signalling to the world that they’re no longer on the market.
You can’t communicate your issues
Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, and so it bears out that if there isn’t any communication, you’re not in a relationship at all. If you feel completely unable to voice discomfort or annoyance in case your crush packs up and flees, then it’s fair to say that they’re probably not invested in building something long-term and serious with you.
They’re hot and cold
Does your crush bombard you with messages for hours or days at a time, but then go completely silent for extended periods of time? If the answer’s yes, they might be juggling other options behind the scenes, or only come to you for attention and love when they’re feeling insecure, bored or dissatisfied. Be careful, and don’t bite just because they reach out.
They don’t respond well to compliments
Do they shudder when you tell them they look good? Or awkwardly smile and tell you thanks? It may be because they don’t know how to handle compliments. After all, they’re not actually that into you. They don’t want to compliment you back, but their disinterest means your compliments don’t mean much either.
They don’t commit to plans
Even if they ask you to hang out, or suggest you do something together, it may be a massive red flag if they’re noncommital about those plans. For example, if they tell you there’s a movie you should see but refuse to solidify a date or time, it’s a sign that they’re not super keen to hang out.
They’re flaky
Flakiness is one of the most unattractive qualities in a prospective partner. It’s natural to want to feel wanted, so when someone forgets to show up or behaves unpredictably. We all love some spontaneity in our lives but when that shows up in a prospective partner it’s not an indicator that they care enough to change their behavior around you.
They only respond to compliments
Sometimes people enter relationships and situations for the wrong reasons. Whether it’s that they feel lonely or that they feel like they shouldn’t be single anymore, it’s sadly a common occurrence. If your person only replies when you compliment them, it may be because they’re using you for attention and to boost their ego.
Their comments are full of flirty replies
While it may feel like when you’re with them, you have all of their attention, if someone isn’t securing the deal and locking you down then you have to come to terms with the fact that they’re probably spending time with other people. If their comments are full of flirty replies they may be leading you on.
They’re still using dating apps
It’s a good idea to keep your options open when you’re dating someone. But after a few dates, it’s usually time to consider becoming exclusive. If they’re still using dating apps months into you guys seeing each other, it’s a sign they’re not ready to and perhaps will never be ready to commit to you.
They say labels aren’t for them
Some people genuinely dislike labels. They would prefer just to seek out connections that feel good. This isn’t the case for 90% of the people you’ll date though. It’s a good thing to be on guard against those who claim that labels aren’t for them, especially if they’ve previously used terms like ‘girlfriend’ with their former partners. It’s likely not the labels – it’s just you.
You’re not in their future
When the person you’re dating starts talking about your future are you in it? When they talk about where they want to move, what they imagine doing next year, or even what their holiday plans are if you’re not mentioned in any way it’s because they either don’t see you being there as a possibility or because they don’t think about you. Whichever it is, it’s not a good sign.
They’re only about intimacy
Intimacy in a relationship is so important, but it’s a sign they’re just leading you on when it’s all the relationship is about. If you can’t connect in any real way then it’s not going to stand the test of time, regardless of what they might say. If you don’t connect mentally or emotionally, question whether they’re just using you for the physical connection.
You don’t do mundane things together
The majority of time spent in a serious relationship is doing the mundane things. Long-term couples grocery shop together, walk the dog together, pick up dry cleaning together, you name it. If it’s awkward or they avoid doing the most basic of tasks with it, they’re probably just not that into you, so it’s time to run before you get too invested.
You can never make plans in advance
Six months after the first date you might think it’s an appropriate time to ask your date whether they’d consider joining you on a summer camping trip. But if they’re shirking from any plans that are more than a week in advance it’s probably because they can’t see themselves with you that long into the future.
They only use a nickname for you
Not everyone who is leading you on is a bad person, nor are they seeing other people. But when your date only uses a nickname for you and avoids calling you by your real name, it’s probably because they’re not that into you. It allows them to avoid the risk of mixing up names and ruining what is (for them) a good thing.
They constantly repeat things
If someone has told you the same story over and over, it could be because of a bad memory. Or it could be that they can’t keep track of who they’ve told the same anecdote to. Dating multiple people can be confusing, it’s only natural that they’re going to get mixed up. Take it as a sign that they’re not serious about you (and just you) and dip.
They disappear for days at a time
Consistency is so attractive. Disappearing for multiple days at a time is not. It’s also a sign that they’re just stringing you along. If your date ghosts you for days just to pop up again with a “Hey, how have you been doing?” text like nothing ever happened, it’s time to think about whether you can put up with that long-term.
It seems too good to be true
There are exceptions to the rule ‘If it seems too good to be true, it often is’, but it’s very unlikely you are the exception. If things with your new partner or date seem too good to be true, it could be the case that they’re putting on a facade or trying to lull you into a false sense of security, just to pull that rug out from under you.
They don’t update you till the last minute
Plans change and that’s okay. But if your date is constantly taking trips and only telling you an hour before their flight takes off, or deciding to change career paths and letting you know as if it’s a casual thing, it’s a sign they don’t prioritize you. You’re not improtant enough in their lives to keep you updated.
They’re overly complimentary
Sometimes when people are trying to lead you on they’ll work very hard to get you to like them. the more you like them, the more power they have over you. So if your date is constantly complimenting you for everything you do, it’s time to really consider what their motives are, as there’s a chance that it’s not that innocent.
They seem very optimistic
It almost seems too cruel to be true, but some people will give you a false sense of hope for your future simply to know that they have secured your affection. It allows them to string you along, flake on you, and cancel last minute, giving them all the power in the situation. Too much optimism about your future together can be a part of a manipulation tactic called love bombing.
They break promises
If your crush makes promises (to see you, to call you, to introduce you to your friends) but breaks them easily, it’s a sign that they’re just leading you on. The false promises will lull you into a sense of intimacy and give you hope for a stronger connection, but they never intend to actually follow through with that.
You feel something is off
In most situations, you should listen to your gut. If you are starting to build a relationship with someone and you have the feeling that something isn’t quite right about it, you should listen to that sign. It’s likely your body telling you what your mind isn’t willing to admit – they’re just not that into you.
They’re always asking for favors
Have you ever helped your crush move? It can be a sweet gesture and bring you closer together. But if they’re always asking you to carry some boxes or pick them up soup or walk their dog, it may be more than asking a friend for help. They could be leading you on just to get you to do favors for them,
They never pay you back
Picking up a tab when you first start dating someone is a romantic move. Even grabbing a coffee for them can be a sweet gesture. But the bills soon start racking up and if you notice that your romantic interest is reaping the benefits of your generosity and never paying you back. Do they actually want to hang around with you or are they in it for the freebies?
They only seem interested when they’re jealous
If you’ve ever seen toddlers fight then you’ll have seen that the minute one of them is playing with a toy, the other will want it. It’s easy to see how desirable something is when someone else is reaching for it. But it’s not enough to base a relationship on. If they’re only interested when other people are, it’s time to steer clear.
They’ve never had a serious relationship before
Of course, you don’t need to have had a wealth of dating experience to be able to get into a serious relationship. But if someone’s dating history is marked by quick flings and a string of ‘situationships’ then it’s time to consider if you’ll be just another short affair. They’re not ready to get serious, so get going.
There’s no PDA
Just like not introducing you to their friends or telling their parents about it refusing PDA in public is a sign that your crush is actually embarrassed with you and is looking to keep their options open. Eventually, you’ll find someone who thinks hand-holding is sweet when it’s with you, but this commitment-phobe is not likely to change anytime soon.
You can’t leave anything at their place
Once you’re comfortable with a new partner, forgetting your coat on their rack or leaving a spare toothbrush is no big deal. So if your date is terrified of introducing your items to their bathroom shelves, it could be an indicator that they’re just leading you on. They’re not looking to get serious and they might want to seem unattached to those who visit their home.
They make you feel replaceable
When you’re considering whether to date someone or not, the way you feel is almost the most important thing. More than what your friends think is what you think. If your new babe makes you feel replaceable and insignificant, it’s probably because to them you are. Let them replace you and find someone new.
They’re flirting with other people
It might sound super obvious but your crush is probably leading you on if they’re flirting with other people in front of you. Regardless of the compliments they pay you or the way they make you feel – if they’re flirting with other people you need to take the hint and go. They’re obviously not serious about you to stop looking for someone else.
They don’t want you in their space
Your home is your sanctuary and you should always be picky about who you let in. But if you’re considering dating a person and they don’t let you into their space at all, perhaps that’s a sign they’re just leading you on. It could be due to not thinking you’re important enough to give that privilege too, or it could be that they just don’t like you enough.
They don’t keep mementos
While you might consider it the move of love-struck teens, many people save little mementos from the early days of their relationships to look back fondly over later. If your new date isn’t interested at all in saving anything momentous or precious, they’re probably already aware that they won’t be looking nostalgically over these initial moments.
You’re always the first to text
In a perfect world, both people in a new relationship would share the responsibility of initiating and keeping up the conversations. But if you’re always the one who has to initiate and keep up the conversations, they probably aren’t taking the relationship seriously and could be just leading you on.
They’re always giving vague answers
A person who is leading you on will be vague about their plans. They’ll make you feel like they’re interested in you without actually promising anything. If you ask what they’re looking for, they’ll usually say they don’t know. This keeps you guessing and gives them an easy out if they aren’t interested in pursuing anything further.
They contradict themselves
They give you mixed signals. They tell you they’re available on a certain day, but then when that day comes around, they have something else to do. These contradictions are small enough not to worry about, but part of you wonders if they are just trying to hide something from you.
They lie about their whereabouts
They might tell you they’re at home, but they posted a photo on their story that shows them out with friends. They might say they’re too busy to talk when you call or text, but are active on social media. If they’re lying about their whereabouts and making it difficult to get in touch, that’s classic leading-on behavior.
They block or unfollow you on social media
Some people choose not to use social media. But if someone you know has an account and has you blocked or won’t let you follow them, they might have something to hide. They also don’t follow you on social media – if they had an interest in what you’re doing, they’d be following you already.
They only want to talk about one thing
They always try to turn the conversation toward sex. If you say something even remotely suggestive, they turn it into a sexual innuendo. That’s all they’re interested in talking about. If your new partner doesn’t seem interested in anything but a physical relationship, a real relationship might never be on the cards.
Your relationship never progresses
You are excited to meet up with them and talk about your relationship, but nothing ever happens. You never develop a deeper relationship with them and feel like you are waiting for something that will never happen. If you ever feel like your relationship is going nowhere, chances are that they’re leading you on.
You don’t go on dates
You don’t have a lot of shared interests or activities. You might eat dinner at home together or go to the movies every once in a while, but you’re not out doing things couples do together like going to concerts, museums or ball games. Keep an eye on this, and start getting wary because never going on dates is a very good sign someone is leading you on.
They never ask about you
They may ask how your day was but don’t seem interested in hearing the details. They rarely ask about any personal aspects of your life. You may feel like they’re bored when you share things with them that are important to you. You try to strike up a conversation or share something about yourself, but they don’t reciprocate or try to continue the conversation.
They told you they didn’t want anything serious
This is something many of us tend to ignore. Some people are very direct in telling you that they aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You might either ignore their comments or deny what they say. When someone says they’re not interested in a relationship but then starts treating you like they want one, it is a sign that they may be leading you on.
They just got out of a relationship
Not every new singleton is looking to sleep around, but you can bet that anyone who is fresh out of a relationship isn’t looking for a serious commitment. Even if they insist that they are over their last relationship, you will probably still end up getting hurt.
The harder you try, the more they pull away
If you make an effort to pursue someone, do they pull away and act distant? This is because they probably only want you when they think you don’t want them. If you find that you’re being taken for granted, then it’s time to step back and reassess the relationship.
They make plans without you
People who care about you will make time for you. If you only get to see them once or twice a month, and if it’s not because of scheduling conflicts, then the relationship is probably one-sided. If you are always available for them but they don’t seem as interested in spending time with you, then they’re leading you on.
You’re never their first choice
If you have to keep making plans with someone at the last minute and they never commit to making plans with you, then they’re leading you on. When you ask them to hang out, they always say they’ll let you know. They never do. You’re always the one who has to initiate plans, and they always seem to have something better to do.
They forget the details
You might feel as if they don’t really know you. They ask you about events from your past, but you can’t remember them, and they don’t remember the details about you that you think are unique. If they ever mistakenly use the wrong name for you, it’s a sign that the relationship is going downhill fast.
They treat you differently in public and in private
Are you caught in a relationship that has two different sides? One is a person who is warm, affectionate and relaxed when it’s just the two of you. The other is cold, distant and awkward around other people. When someone you are dating treats you coldly in public, it may mean that they have no desire to be seen as your partner.
They’re not honest about their intentions
When someone is leading you on, they will be vague about their feelings for you. They might say that they’re looking for someone to have fun with or a relationship, or even that they’re not looking for anything serious, but they won’t generally be willing to be clear about how they feel about you or what they’re looking for.
They expect commitment from you
When someone is leading you on, they often expect you to commit more than they do. If they text or call you, they expect to hear back right away. If they ask to hang out with you, they expect that you won’t already have other plans. This can be frustrating and exhausting; the idea that you should drop everything for them is unreasonable.
They drain your energy
Generally, when someone leads you on, it will end up being a negative experience. If this is happening to you then you need to take steps to protect yourself. One good way to avoid being sucked into a toxic person’s drama is to avoid any invitations or demands to get involved.
They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where you convince someone that their perception of reality is wrong. Gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships. If you and your partner ever have a scheduling conflict or miscommunication, they will make you believe that it is either your fault or that there is something wrong with you for thinking it was their fault.
They try to make you jealous
Someone who is leading you on will flatter, charm and compliment you. They will also do their best to make you jealous by flirting with other people in front of you or by not responding to your texts as quickly as they used to. Then they’ll withdraw their attention again, causing you to start chasing them.
They’re uncomfortable with romance
A person who tries to lead you on by flirting, teasing or hinting at a future relationship is often fine with sex and other physical acts. But if you try to initiate a romantic night or any intimacy that doesn’t involve sex, the person is likely to get quite uncomfortable. When they don’t see the relationship going anywhere, your romantic gestures make them feel awkward.
They compare you to other people
When someone you’re interested in compares your positive and negative qualities with those of other people, it can be pretty upsetting. They are either trying to get you to believe that you’re not good enough for them or they want you to put more effort into wooing them.
Their actions don’t match their words
Some people will tell you anything to keep you around. Their actions, not their words, will tell the true story. If there is any doubt about a person’s intentions, then it’s best to dump them before you get hurt.
You’ve never been to their house
You don’t see each other often but when you do, it’s always in public or at your house. People who aren’t ready to be in a relationship are often hesitant to make you part of their life. They may be married, in a committed relationship, or they may not want you in their space.
They behave differently in front of your family
Some people believe that taking a significant other around family and close friends is one of the clearest signs that someone is leading you on. When you’re in front of these people, your date acts like you’re an exclusive couple. This behavior confuses you even more because you don’t know what to make of it when you are together.
They hide their phone
If you notice that your partner is secretive about their phone and who they talk to, it may be because they’re leading you on. They probably don’t want you looking over their shoulder, as they might be talking to other people. It can be upsetting to feel like someone you care about is keeping secrets from you.
Surprises make them angry
If you’ve ever shown up unannounced to see the person you’re dating, only to be met with annoyance, it’s a red flag. If you show up at your date’s house unannounced on occasion, it could be annoying for them. However, it shouldn’t be a big deal as long as you’re not doing it all the time. If they get mad about it, then there’s something wrong.
You only go out in groups
Be wary of “dates” with someone who is leading you on. They may pretend that their time with you is personal and romantic, but if they’re not truly invested in the relationship, they’ll have you hang out in a group setting and count that as a “date.” If you only ever go out in groups, something’s up.
They make you feel needed to keep you hanging on
If you ever express any doubt about your relationship with them or question their motives, they will try to make you feel needed, as if your help and support are necessary to them. However, they may still tell you that they want to keep things casual, but then beg for reassurance and attention when you try to end the relationship. This shows that they are leading you on.
