You’re addicted to your phone
If you check your emails instead of chatting to your partner for the few free minutes you have over breakfast, or compulsively refresh your home screen when you should be asking your partner how their day went, then you have a real problem. Being constantly on your phone, even if it’s for work and not social media, can distance and disconnect you from your partner.
There’s no quality in your quality time
Just physically being in the same room as your partner isn’t the same as actually spending time with them. Quality time means being connected and engaged with your other half, so if you’re sitting on the couch together but your head is a million miles away, that doesn’t count. If you’re thinking about work conversations throughout movie night, that’s a sign something needs to change.
You have no bedroom boundaries
The bedroom should be a place for romantic connection, even if that just means holding your partner as you sleep. However, if the first thing you reach for in the morning and the last thing you let go of at night is your phone, your tablet or your laptop, then that’s a sign that your work is encroaching on every facet of your life.
Your physical intimacy is being affected
Nothing puts to bed thoughts of physical intimacy faster than disconnection, and nothing fosters disconnection more than being mentally checked out. If you’re stressing about deadlines or replaying presentations in your head at all hours of the day, your partner will probably withdraw in return, creating a passionless dynamic that becomes more difficult to escape from over time.
You’ve stopped thinking about relationship milestones
Obviously, your relationship shouldn’t be your only priority in life, and there will be occasions when work leaves little space to consider anything else for short bursts of time. However, if all thoughts of your relationship and where it is headed have vanished from your head, then that lack of consideration and intention will begin to affect your partner and make them feel taken for granted.
There’s always “one more week”
When you’re stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, being confronted with the reality of the situation can make you feel defensive or evasive. If you’ve taken to saying things like “I just have to make it through this week” or “things are bound to calm down soon”, then not only are you denying the seriousness of the problem, but you’re also brushing aside your partner’s concerns.
You’ve started neglecting shared hobbies
Hobbies are the first thing to fall away during periods of stress of any kind, but you should be especially careful about neglecting the things that you and your partner do together. If you’ve stopped pottery painting, gardening or attending tango classes then you’re signalling to your partner that you don’t cherish their company or have any awareness about how your busyness is affecting them.
You’re too drained for date night
Life has a habit of getting in the way, and so a cancelled dinner date every now and then is to be expected in a long-term relationship. However, if you consistently find yourself exhausted and burned out after work, and opt to cancel dates instead of making changes to your professional life, then that will damage the health of your relationship overall.
Gift-giving is your get-out-of-jail card
Chances are if your work has been putting strain on your relationship for a while, you’re aware of the problem. However, if you’ve opted to solve the issue by using gifts as a substitution for quality time, frank discussions of emotions or new work boundaries, then all you are doing is accidentally implying that your partner’s silence on the issue can be bought.
Your partner has stopped arguing about it
When an issue first crops up, people in healthy relationships tend to bring it up calmly. Then, if the problem persists, this can evolve into arguments and shouting matches. Finally, if one party in the relationship loses faith that the problem will ever be resolved, they will simply resign themself to silence. If your partner has stopped talking about your work-life balance, this might be why.
