They’re never on time
You have to follow many rules as a bridesmaid: don’t outshine the woman whose big day it is, always carry tissues, and tell the bride if she has something stuck in her teeth. Most importantly of all though, you have to be on time. If you have a friend who is chronically late, then it might be best to just invite them as a regular guest.
They’re always losing things
While your wedding day should be one of the best days of your life, it can also be pretty stressful. You’ll be dealing with some big emotions and running through constant checklists in your head, so the last thing you need is a bridesmaid who will melt down because she’s misplaced her flowers or can’t find her lipstick for a last-minute touch-up.
You were frenemies in the past
While some couples might feel comfortable inviting their exes to their wedding, they probably wouldn’t include them in the bridal party or as one of the groomsmen. By the same token, you probably shouldn’t ask someone to be a bridesmaid if you’ve spent a period of time feuding, even if you’ve ostensibly buried the hatchet. Weddings are emotional days, and that means ugly ones can resurface.
You’re not excited to ask them
One of the best indications of whether someone should be a bridesmaid is how you feel when you ask them. Do you feel giggly, excited, joyful or even a little bit nervous? Then you’re probably good to go. If you feel indifferent, resigned or just want to get it over with, then the person in question probably isn’t a good choice for your wedding.
They’re a total party animal
Cutting loose and getting a little bit wild is a key part of many couples’ pre-wedding celebrations, so you want to have bridesmaids who will bring the energy and share that experience with you. With that said, if you have a friend who doesn’t know when enough is enough, who will encourage bad behaviour and take things to extremes, they should stay a guest.
They have a super demanding job
This one is just pragmatic. No matter how much you love your friend and want them to be included in the wedding, if they have huge work commitments that they can’t take time away from, it’s kinder for both parties to not ask them to be a bridesmaid. Otherwise, you may feel bitterness when they welch on pre-wedding commitments, while they will feel guilt for having to say no.
You’re friends via situation
When planning a wedding, it’s important to remember the difference between friends that you just spend a lot of time with, and friends that you’re actually super close with. Even if you sit next to a certain coworker every day and chat endlessly about mundane things, they’re still a bad choice for a bridesmaid if the friendship evaporates outside of work hours.
They’re more your partner’s friend than yours
In the modern age, it’s far more acceptable for people to have friends of the opposite gender, even when they’re in a serious relationship. However, wedding etiquette hasn’t quite caught up to this idea. Having your husband-to-be’s female friend in your bridal party just to avoid mixed-gender groups at the altar isn’t a good enough reason to ask them. Just let her stand on his side!
They don’t match your friends’ vibe
When it comes to a bridal party, chemistry is everything. If you have one friend who is far more introverted or low-key than the rest of your group, asking them to indulge in a three-day alcohol and debauchery bender with you isn’t kind. Similarly, if your wedding and bachelorette party are going to be a demure affair, bringing your wild friend is a bad idea too.
They’re a bit of a mean girl
Everyone has at least one friend who makes them feel bad after hanging out as least as often as they make them feel good. While it’s fine to keep someone like that in your life, they’re a terrible choice for a bridesmaid. A bridal party exists to hype up and look after the bride, so you shouldn’t include someone who will bring their negative energy with them.
