They seem happy when you’re struggling
A good friend will be there for you when times get tough, but if your pals only seem to show up when you’re going through a difficult spot in your love life, your financial life or at work, they might not have the altruistic motives you would expect. Instead, they might just like feeling superior and enjoy surrounding themselves with others who are struggling.
You get nervous to tell them things
There are certain pieces of news that it’s normal to be nervous to tell your friends about – a new partner, a pregnancy, a new job or a house move. With that said, if your pulse starts racing every time you need to update your pals about something important, it could be because subconsciously you know that they shouldn’t be trusted with such personal info.
They throw favors back in your face
Friendships are built on the natural ebb and flow of need, where each party is happy to both help out others and ask for help themselves, depending on the circumstance. If your pals seem eager to lend a hand, but they also use their generousness as ammunition during fights or disagreements, then their favors come at a pretty steep cost and you might want to reconsider the friendship.
You dread hanging out with them
One simple truth about friends is that you shouldn’t ever dread hanging out with them. If you find yourself making excuses not to see them, leave parties early or show up to gatherings late, it could be because you know they don’t have your best interests at heart. Maybe they tease or judge you too much, or maybe you just get an uneasy feeling around them.
Their advice always seems to turn out wrong
No one can give the perfect advice for the situation 100% of the time – it’s a mathematical impossibility. But while a couple of disastrous attempts to carry out a friend’s advice are a coincidence, it’s a different story if they never seem to steer you right. There’s a small chance that your friends are deliberately giving you bad advice because they like seeing you struggle.
You only seem to hang out when they want to
Some people are more comfortable initiating plans and hangouts than others, and that’s OK. However, if you have friends who expect you to drop everything and come running when they ask, but they never seem to want to hang out when you do, that might be by design. Some friends like keeping you on the hook for constant emotional labour, but have no interest in you otherwise.
They gossip about you to their other friends
Do you ever get the feeling that any story you share with a friend in confidence will eventually make it back to their whole group of pals? If you have a bestie with loose lips when it comes to secrets, especially the juicy, scandalous or embarrassing kind, then that’s a sign that they don’t respect your privacy or the sanctity of their friendship with you.
You’re told to feel grateful they hang out with you
Maybe the biggest sign of a friendship that’s toxic to the core is one with a massive power imbalance built in. If your friends have ever made you feel as though you should be grateful they choose to hang out with you, with the implication being that if they didn’t then no one would, that’s a sure sign that they’re trying to keep you from questioning their behavior.
They seem threatened by your other friends
Bad friends will always be intimidated by good friends, so if you have a buddy who constantly tries to turn you against a childhood bestie or claims that they’ve been talking about you behind your back, it’s likely just projection. Other friends threaten their position of power by showing you how you actually deserve to be treated and what is not acceptable.
They’re obsessed with drama and gossip
Nobody can resist having a bit of a gossip every now and again, but if all you and your friends seem to do is relitigate the same old dramas over and over again, that’s a red flag. Not only could your friends be trying to get you into trouble by tricking you into saying something you shouldn’t, but they might actually not have anything else going on.
