Your conversations are often one sided
Remember those endless tales of your high school drama or weekend adventures? While sharing is essential, if every meeting feels like an episode of the ‘Me-Show’, with your friend being the audience, it’s a sign. Friendship is a two-way street, and if you’re the main character every time, maybe it’s time to pass the mic.
You often zone out when they speak
Imagine pouring your heart out, only to see your friend scrolling their Instagram feed. If you find yourself routinely zoning out when your friend speaks, or habitually cutting them off to redirect the focus on you, it’s a red flag. Active listening is key to a strong bond. Do you need to tune in?
You consistently put them down
Playful banter is one thing, but if you’re constantly throwing shade, even wrapping it up with a ‘just kidding,’ it can wear thin. Remember, continuous criticism, even if packaged with a laugh, can sting. The line between playful teasing and hurtful remarks is delicate. Take a second to consider if you’re crossing it more than you should.
You frequently sideline them for new romantic interests
New relationships are exciting, no doubt. But if all your Friday movie nights with your friend are now replaced by candle-lit dinners with your new flame, that’s not cool. Prioritizing a romantic partner over an old friend continuously can make your friend feel like an option, not a priority. And after all, who is always there for you to pick up the pieces if the relationship doesn’t work out?
You’re a fair-weather friend
It’s easy to be around during celebrations and laughter. But what about the stormy nights? If you find yourself missing during their tough times or only reach out when the skies are clear, it’s a sign that you’re being a bad friend. Remember, true friendship and loyalty is tested not during the celebrations but during the battles.
You expect them to be available for you constantly
Remember those calls you’ve made at 2 AM, expecting them to listen to your rants? Or when you’re bored and expect them to drop everything to see you? Expecting them to be available 24/7, sidelining their own needs or plans, isn’t fair. Friendship is about understanding boundaries. If you’re always in the spotlight, expecting them to adjust, it might be time to check your behaviour.
You get jealous of their successes
If your friend’s achievements feel like a pinch rather than pride, that’s a real problem. Celebrating their successes should come naturally, but if instead, you find yourself downplaying or dismissing their wins, well, that’s a clear sign of jealousy. Good friendships should be about mutual happiness, not competitiveness, right?
You’re frequently flaky with them
Ok, we all run late occasionally, and life is unpredictable But if your standard mode is leaving them waiting or bailing last minute – that’s a problem. Think about how that might make your friend feel. Probably undervalued? Probably that you have no respect for their time? Time is a gift, and if you’re always making them wait, it might indicate where your priorities lie.
You’ve shared their secrets or gossiped about them
Trust, once broken, it’s hard to mend. If they’ve shared their deepest secrets with you over a cup of coffee, only to hear them whispered elsewhere – that’s a betrayal. If you’ve found yourself gossiping about them or spilling their confidences, it’s not just about having a ‘big mouth’; it’s about breaking their trust.
You often ask for favors but rarely offer help
Remember that time they helped you move? Or lent you that favorite book? If you’re always on the receiving end, always asking but never giving, it’s an imbalance. Friendships thrive on mutual support. If you’re consistently taking but rarely giving, it’s probably time to evaluate the equilibrium of your relationship and how you can get those level those scales.
Not introducing or sharing your other friends with them
It’s lovely to have an array of friends. But if you’re deliberately keeping them from mingling with your other pals or being overly possessive, you’re not being a good friend to them. Friendship isn’t about monopoly. If you’re drawing circles and not letting them overlap, ask yourself, what’s the reason?
You don’t check in regularly
Every ‘hello’ matters. If days turn into weeks and weeks into months without a check-in or a simple ‘how are you?’, your friend might feel like you don’t care. Lack of communication or dwindling interest in your friend’s life might indicate a drifting bond or could simply indicate that you’re only thinking about yourself. Remember, it’s the regular ‘thinking of you’ messages that keep the bond there.
You compare their friendship with others
Each friendship is unique and made up of its own unique set of memories and moments. So, if you find that you’re constantly comparing theirs on a scale against another, it’s hurtful. Highlighting how ‘Josh does this’ or ‘Katie said that’ can make your friend feel undervalued. Friendships shouldn’t be ranked – so if yours involves scorecards, it’s time to reconsider.
You turn everything into a competition
Yes, a bit of friendly competition can be fun, but turning every achievement, story, or experience into a contest doesn’t equate to a healthy friendship. If you’re always trying to one-up them instead of celebrating their success, ask yourself, are you being a friend or a rival?
You constantly dismiss their emotions
A key component of friendship is being a space for each other to express emotion. If they’re coming to you, laying their feelings bare, and you wave it off or label them as ‘dramatic,’ you’re invalidating their feelings. True friends listen, empathize, and offer a shoulder – and not a cold one.
You refuse to admit when you’re wrong
‘I’m sorry’ – three simple words that can mend bridges. Yet, if you find them hard to utter or always accompany them with a ‘but,’ it’s a red flag. Owning up to mistakes and apologizing sincerely is an essential facet of being a good friend.
Expecting them to make all the effort
Relationships are a two-way street. So if you find that you’re the one who’s always on the receiving end – be it efforts, gestures, or time – there’s clearly an imbalance. A friendship where one person constantly chases and the other just receives isn’t a good friendship. Reflect, and ask yourself, are you putting in mutual effort?
Most of your interactions involve arguments
No good friendships are always positive – they’re usually marked by both joys and hiccups. But if you’re finding every encounter feels like a clip from a drama series, filled with disagreements or miscommunications, it might signal there’s a deeper issue. If you’re the initiate of this drama, especially if it’s unwarranted, you’re likely not being a good friend.
You use guilt or emotional tactics to get your way
Manipulation is a puppeteer’s game, not a friend’s. If you find yourself playing on their emotions, using guilt or other tactics to swing situations in your favor, it’s more about control than friendship. Good friendships thrive on understanding, not on ulterior motives.
You’re not respectful of boundaries
Everyone has boundaries, invisible lines that signal their personal comfort zones. If you’re consistently pushing their buttons, not respecting their decisions, or invading their personal space, you’re neglecting one of the core principles of mutual respect. Remember, listening is as vital as speaking in any friendship.
You exhibit toxic positivity
Positivity is wonderful, but not when it’s forced. If every time your friend shares a concern with you, and your response is ‘just look on the bright side’ or ‘others have it worse,’ you’re practicing toxic positivity. This is not a sign of being a good friend – It’s vital to acknowledge, not overshadow, their feelings.
You only reach out when you need something
Now, we all have moments of need, and it’s natural to lean on friends during those times, but, if their phone only lights up with your name when you require a favor or assistance, that’s not healthy. Remember, friendship isn’t about utility. If you find yourself reaching out only when there’s something in it for you, you might be using them.
You often cast judgment on them
Life is a mosaic of choices, and we all have our own unique journeys. So if you constantly find yourself critiquing their decisions without attempting to understand their reasoning, you’re just being judgmental. A good friend listens, tries to understand, and provides guidance, not unasked-for verdicts.
You don’t support their personal growth
Personal growth is a key component of life and growing up. If your friend has begun a new course, made a career change, or is chasing a dream, and you’re not cheering them on, or worse, undermining them – it’s a sign. Whether it’s a new hobby, a career move, or a fitness regime, friends should be each other’s cheerleaders, not critics.
You make fun of things they care about
Everyone has a passion, something that lights up their eyes. If you find it funny to ridicule their dreams, passions, or things they genuinely care about, it’s more than just playful banter – it’s mockery. If you find yourself mocking and belittling them, you are definitely not being a good friend.
You make them question their reality or feelings
If your friend comes to you with concerns or feelings, and you twist the narrative to make them question their own perceptions or emotions, you’re gaslighting. This manipulative tactic is not only unhealthy but can have long-term repercussions on their mental well-being. Good friendships are built on trust and validation, not mind games.
You’re always bringing down the mood
Yes, life has its ups and downs, but if every silver lining you see has a cloud, that’s a concern. If your default setting is pessimism, constantly spreading grumpiness or undermining optimism, it can drain the positivity out of the friendship. Remember, everyone needs a little sunshine, especially from their friends.
You put them down in front of others
A joke among friends in private is one thing; making a joke at their expense in a public setting is another. If you find joy in embarrassing them, highlighting their flaws, or making them the butt of jokes when others are around, it’s a violation of the unsaid trust between pals. Public humiliation can scar – consider the impact of your actions.
You ignore or belittle their achievements
Every achievement, big or small, is a milestone in our journey. So, by downplaying their accomplishments or not even acknowledging them, you’re belittling their journey. Celebrating each other’s successes should be a natural part of friendship. Think about when you last celebrated your friend’s successes. If you can’t remember the last time – well, there’s a clear issue.
You dismiss or ignore feedback
Constructive feedback is a sign of care; it shows you’re invested in the relationship. So, if they’re coming to you with concerns and you wave them off, trivialize, or completely ignore them, you’re not just avoiding confrontation. You’re in turn making them that their feelings and concerns are unimportant, and that’s not okay.
You hold grudges
Now, everyone makes mistakes, and friendships are no exception. If you’re hoarding past errors only to use them as weapons during disagreements or to get your way, you’re not being a good friend. Holding grudges puts a weight on a friendship and is not conducive to growth and reconciliation.
You find yourself being possessive
Everyone enjoys the feeling of a close bond. But if the green-eyed monster comes out every time your friend hangs out with others or commits to different activities, there’s a problem. Friendship isn’t about possession. It’s about freedom and trust. If you’re trying to cage them within your comfort zone, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your insecurities.
You bring out their insecurities
We all have dark corners and vulnerabilities. But if you’re the friend who’s continually pushing their buttons, magnifying their flaws, or nudging them towards negative patterns, it’s an issue. True friends are the mirrors that reflect their inner beauty, not their blemishes. Are you holding up the wrong kind of mirror?
They can’t rely on your moods
Friends are supposed to feel like anchors, a steadying presence that help you to not float too far off track. If your behavior swings like a pendulum, leaving them unsure of which version of you they’ll meet, well that’s more like a distress signal. Be consistent. If they’re walking on eggshells, afraid of your unpredictable moods, it’s time to do some self relection.
You take advantage of their generosity
Friendship and finances can be tricky business. Are you frequently reaching into their wallet, conveniently ‘forgetting’ repayments, or exploiting their generosity? If thae answer is yes, you’re taking advantage and straining your bond. Financial respect is as crucial as emotional respect. Are you taking more than giving, not just in money, but in trust too?
You make them feel like they can’t function without you
Dependence can sometimes be masked as closeness. But if you’re making them feel like they’re incomplete or incapable without you, that’s manipulation. Empowering a friend to soar and not binding them to the ground, is the essence of being a good friend. Are you building a healthy connection or crafting chains?
You always keep track of who did what
Remember that time you helped them move, and they owed you one? If you’re always keeping tabs and bringing up past favors, treating friendship like a transaction, it’s problematic. Friendships aren’t about keeping score; they’re about genuine gestures without expecting paybacks.
You make promises you have no intention of keeping
‘Sure, I’ll be there for your birthday.’ But then, you’re a no-show. Sound familiar? Making plans and promises is easy, but consistently breaking them is a clear signal. If your words often lack commitment, it’s not just about being forgetful. It’s about the trust breaking one broken promise at a time.
You constantly act like you’re better than them
Hey, it’s great to be proud of your achievements. But if every conversation turns into a contest where you feel the need to outdo them, that’s not something to be proud of. Good friends lift each other up, not tower over. If you’re always on your own self-made pedestal, consider taking a step down and standing by their side.
You cut them off from other friends
Remember those college friends they often hang out with? If you’re constantly nudging them to cut ties or making them choose between you and others, this is a bad sign. Trying to isolate them from their support network or other friends is manipulative. A sign of being a good friend is letting them thrive in freedom, not in cages
