They never reach out first
Reaching out can be hard to do, especially for anxious people. But if you’re always the one reaching out to talk to your pal or make plans, it’s time to consider if they even want to see you. You shouldn’t have to be doing all the work to maintain this friendship and if you are, then perhaps it’s a little one-sided.
They always talk about themselves
Your friend may be the most interesting person in the world with the craziest life, but if they only talk about themselves all the time then eventually it’s going to get boring. Plus, it reveals that they view conversations as a way to talk about themselves, not to learn more about you or your life. It’s a selfish trait and a sign that they don’t see you as a person, but rather just an audience.
They never ask how you’re doing
If your friend doesn’t ever ask you about your life or what’s going on – are they really your friend? Real friends will care about what’s going on in each other’s lives and want to check-in. Conversations should be two-way. Take a step back and think about whether they ever ask how your day was or how you’re feeling. If the answer is they don’t then maybe it’s time to take a step back.
You have to make excuses for them
You never want to have to make excuses for anyone in your life. But sadly, when you have a friend who acts selfish, never turns up for anything, puts you down, and uses you then you might find yourself apologizing for these actions on their behalf and trying to excuse their behavior. That’s not fair for either you or the people you’re defending them to.
They unload all their problems onto you
Some people are so selfish that they will view you not as a friend, but as a dumping ground for all their emotions and misery. Not only will this end up negatively affecting your emotional state but it’s also a demonstration of the way they don’t care about you or your life. If your pal just gets in touch to purge their negativity it’s time to purge them from your life.
You’re not sure where you stand with them
If you were dating someone and you kept getting mixed messages from them you’d probably choose to end the relationship and pursue other people. So why are you allowing a friend to play with your emotions? When you never know where you stand with someone it’s probably because they don’t care enough to create stability in your relationship. Pay attention to what their actions are saying.
You feel drained after you hang out
Your energy is precious. It’s a clear sign that a relationship is one-sided when you spend time with them and feel drained afterward. Don’t waste your precious energy and time with someone who makes you feel worse after seeing them than if you never saw them at all. Instead, look for friends who inspire you, boost you up, and leave you feeling more positive and energized after hanging out.
They constantly cancel
Getting stood up hurts, whether it’s by a date or a pal. If a love interest kept canceling plans last minute or left you waiting by the bar all alone, you’d probably stop making plans with them. Take the same approach to a friendship. If they never show up for plans and don’t respect your time, it’s a sign they don’t respect you. Cancel all your future plans with this faux friend permanently.
You’re always the one apologizing
Some people are so exhausting and dramatic that it’s usually easier to just apologize for upsetting them than it is to pursue real issues. If your friendship was real you’d both be looking to improve both it and yourselves. Apologizing all the time is a sign that they’re holding you to a standard that you’re not able to hold them to which is unfair and one-sided.
They never follow through
It can be exhausting to be friends with someone who makes plans or promises and never follows through. Most of the time you’re left wondering whether they actually intended to commit to what they said, or whether they’re just toying with you. The fake promises keep you engaged enough to agree to their plans and help them, but you never get any of it back.
You feel ill around them
Your body tells you important things. Paying attention to what it is saying is key to being able to work out people’s intentions and who you should trust. Empaths are even more likely to pick up on these feelings. If you constantly feel sick around someone it could be a sign that your body is reacting badly to the anxiety and dread they cause you. That doesn’t sound like a true friendship.
They don’t know what’s going on in your life
Does your friend know where you work? Who you’re dating? What ice cream flavor is your favorite? These are all things that friends are likely to know about each other and that you probably know about them. If your buddy doesn’t know any of these things it’s because they don’t care enough to ask or remember. It’s time to stop putting your energy into this one-sided relationship.
They mock you
Sometimes one-sided friendships are more than just neglectful. They can also just be cruel. If you think someone is your friend and they’re mocking you, putting you down, and making you feel bad it’s time to realize they’re not a friend to you at all. It’s a harsh truth but while pals may make light-hearted ribs at one another, they will never be purposefully cruel.
They invalidate your feelings
Occasionally, you may make a faux-pas and end up invalidating a friend’s feelings without meaning to when you’re trying to make light of a situation or show them a solution. That’s completely different from someone who constantly tells you that the way you’re feeling is silly or that you shouldn’t care about what’s upsetting you. If you wouldn’t do it to them, then you shouldn’t allow them to do it to you.
You don’t feel heard or seen by them
There’s nothing more important than being truly seen for who you are and having someone care enough to understand and appreciate you. A real friend does this. They make you feel important, and like your opinions matter. Without this, they’re just a person in your life who doesn’t care about you enough to try and listen to you.
You can’t be yourself around them
Being with your friends should be a time when you can shed all your professionalism and be truly yourself. Whether you’re strange, shy, outlandish, or truly very nerdy, your friends should be people that accept you and cherish you for all that you are. If you’re having to hide that for someone, then perhaps they aren’t really a true friend.
You have to walk on eggshells around them
Sometimes relationships are so fragile that you have to be careful not to rock the boat or upset the person, or else you lose them. It’s a sign that your friendship is one-sided if you have to watch what you say and walk on eggshells around them to avoid ruining the fragile connection you have. You should be able to be yourself and speak your truth with your pals.
You’re feeling resentment towards them
Resentment can be truly toxic. It builds and builds until eventually, it becomes all-consuming, causing you to blow up and act out of anger. For that reason, if you find yourself feeling resentful towards anyone in your life then you should face the issue and deal with it. If you’re feeling resentment towards a friend it’s time to consider why and break that connection once and for all.
They choose all your plans
Preferences are part of what makes us individuals. That individuality is key to the spice of life so it’s good to be around people who like different things. However, when one person’s preferences dictate all your plans, it starts to become unfair. If you go to the beach one weekend because your pal is desperate to surf, then maybe next weekend you check out the cafe you’ve been dying to try.
They accuse you of being selfish
A one-sided friendship will often end up repeating cycles. Your friend only talks about themselves, you speak to them about it, they accuse you of being selfish, you apologize, and the cycle starts back over. It’s pointless and the only person getting hurt here is you. It’s not selfish to want to have your friend reciprocate what you do for them. The accusation is just to shift the blame.
They keep you at arm’s length
While some people who will use you will make you think you’re the most important person to them so they can get your help and use you to dump on you emotionally, others will hold you at arm’s length, never truly revealing who they are or what they think. This can make you more desperate to please them so you do more for them. It’s a power play and not something real friends would do.
You’re their last resort
Having plenty of friends is totally natural (and healthy). But if your friend is always cycling through everyone else in the group and only coming to you when they’ve been turned down by your other friends, then it’s time to reconsider the friendship. Being their last resort is a sign you’re their last priority. If they aren’t yours then the friendship is one-sided.
They do all the talking
Not only may your friends refuse to talk about anyone but themselves, but they’ll also refuse to let anyone else do the talking. They speak and speak and speak to the point you can’t get a word in. Not only does this person not care about your life, but they don’t care about anything you have to say at all. It’s a narcissistic trait and not an attractive quality in a person, never mind a friend.
They only contact you when they need something
If you’re a nice person, you’re probably always down to lend a hand. Does your friend need help moving? You’re right there with boxes and packing tape. Are they sick? You’re ordering them soup and tissues. Have they had a bad breakup? You’re on your way with chocolate. Asking for help should never be shameful but if they’re exploiting your kindness by only contacting you when they need something it’s okay to say no.
They put down your accomplishments
True friends see you accomplish something great and feel nothing but joy for you. They’re there cheering you on when you get a promotion or win an award. If you have a so-called friend that puts you down for your accomplishments but you’re always supporting then the friendship isn’t equal. It’s one-sided and not fair for you. Time to cut the cord and find people who support your achievements.
They prefer group hangs to one-on-one time
A great group of friends is not something to turn your nose up at. Sometimes hanging out with a circle of close buds can lead to the best memories. However, if you only ever see one of your friends when you’re in a group and they snub all your invitations for one-on-one time, then it’s time to see the signs and admit that they don’t actually see you as a friend, but rather just an acquaintance.
They’re only around in the good times
Life has many ups and downs. When times get bad it’s important to have true friends around you can rely on to pick you up when you’re down. Some friends seem to disappear in the bad times through, only to reappear when you’re back on your feet. That’s neither fair nor is it a sign of a balanced relationship in which you’re appreciated and valued as a whole person.
They keep score of your mistakes
All people make mistakes. It’s human nature to mess up and have to fix things. But if someone is keeping track of every time you’ve made a social faux-pas or forgotten to pay your rent on time then they’re not an actual friend. They’re someone preying on your downfall and hoping you fail so they can hold it over your head. Take a step back and reassess the people around you.
They’re hot and cold
Sometimes they want to see you, sometimes you don’t hear from them in weeks. Sometimes they’re your biggest fan and other days they’re making snide comments behind your back. Sound familiar? If this is the case it sounds like not only are you in a one-sided friendship, but you don’t have a friend at all. Do yourself a favor and get rid of the hot and cold people in your life.
You’re always doing unpaid favors
Not every favor has to be repaid but there comes a point where acts of kindness go too far. Usually, when you do favors for a friend, they’ll be willing to go the extra mile for you when that time comes. Picking your friend up from the airport is a lovely gesture, but they aren’t even willing to water your plants, perhaps you’re more of a maid than a respected companion.
Any support you receive is conditional
Support shouldn’t come with conditions. Real friends support you no matter what, not just when and where it’s convenient for them. If supporting you would benefit them they may seem like the sweetest person around, but when that’s not the case you’re going to be left high and dry. Friendships should be mutually beneficial and not contractual at all.
They ignore you for long periods of time
Is your friend a better escape artist than Houdini? Do they disappear for months at a time just to come back like nothing happened? If you wouldn’t accept ghosting from a romantic partner, don’t accept it from anyone. You’re not a toy that can be picked up and played with until they get bored again, so don’t let them treat you like one. If they want to disappear on you, then close the door and let them go.
They always make excuses for their mistakes
People make mistakes and sometimes that leads to others being hurt. Taking accountability for those mistakes is important and it’s a part of what helps us grow and maintain important relationships. If your friend is always making excuses for their bad behavior and refusing to apologize then it’s a clear sign that they don’t care enough about you or your friendship to actually work on it.
They never take your advice
Whether they ask for it or not, if someone consistently ignores you and refuses to take your advice, it’s a sign they don’t trust you. They don’t think your advice will be useful to them because they obviously know far more than you, They don’t consider you someone worth listening to which is a huge indicator of the way they see you and just how unbalanced your relationship truly is.
They never offer to help
Never offering to help is a big sign that your friendship is one-sided. You don’t need to be offering rides to the airport to help a friend – simply washing the dishes when you go over for dinner or buying them coffee when they’ve had a bad day can be enough to show them you care. If your pal doesn’t even think about lending a hand like this then why should you?
They never compliment you
Seeing your friends for who they are and praising them for it is one of the great joys of life. Why hang out with your friends if you don’t see their great qualities? So if a pal doesn’t ever point out the things they like about you or bother to compliment you then perhaps it’s because they don’t think of you being worthy of their consideration and praise. In that case – are you even friends?
They seem embarrassed by you
One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that someone thinks you’re embarrassing or that they are embarrassed to be around you. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to fit in with them better or make them like you more. If you have someone in your life who seems embarrassed by your presence, it’s time to move on from them and give up the friendship.
They disregard your boundaries
Boundaries are so necessary for maintaining healthy relationships. If you put boundaries in place and anyone disrespects them (no matter who they are) then you have to seriously consider how much they care about you and your relationships. If a friend is consistently crossing your boundaries it’s a clear sign that they don’t care enough about you to respect them. The friendship is one-sided and it’s time to find people who will treat you better.
They talk behind people’s backs
A true friend would never spread gossip about you or insult you behind your back. The easiest way to tell if someone is doing this (unless you’ve been told explicitly or seen it happen) is if they speak about other people behind their backs. If they’re doing it to someone else, they’re probably doing the same to you. Don’t let yourself be tricked by this fake friend.
You don’t know why you’re friends
The easiest way to know if you’re in a one-sided friendship is if you find yourself wondering why you’re even friends. If you don’t feel respected, if they make you feel worse, or if you’ve lost the joy you used to feel around them then it’s time to close the chapter on this friendship and move on to the next. You should know why you’re friends with your friends. If you don’t, then there’s a problem.
