You never talk about the future
If you’re in a committed relationship with someone and they don’t want to talk about the future or follow through on plans, that’s a major warning sign that they don’t want to be with you long-term. If your partner cares about you, they will plan for the future and take your thoughts into consideration. If they aren’t willing to do that? Then they might just be using you as a placeholder.
You’re a rebound
The problem with being in a rebound relationship is that most people don’t know they’re in one. If you met someone right after their last relationship ended, chances are you’re the placeholder or the rebound. Anyone who starts dating you right after a breakup is probably eyeing you as a placeholder, meaning they’ll move on to their next proper relationship when they feel like it’s time.
Your relationship has never evolved
A placeholder partnership is one where you never progress past the initial stages of attraction. You don’t have discussions about your future together, you don’t talk about your feelings or what you want the relationship to be, and you’re not even friends outside of your relationship. You’re just together, nothing more or less.
They don’t want you to meet their loved ones
A placeholder relationship can be frustrating because it forces you to continue acting like everything is fine when really, you’ve realised that all your partner can offer you is disappointment. It can also be disheartening when you don’t feel important enough for your partner to introduce their friends and family.
They only want you around on their terms
Placeholders are only ever used as a “you’re okay for now until something better comes along” option. If you’re a placeholder in someone’s life, you’ll probably experience being deprioritised in their life, with their schedule, family, friends and job all coming before you. One of the biggest signs that you’re a placeholder is that your significant other never makes time for you unless they want to sleep over.
They ignore you
It’s not always easy to tell if you’re just a placeholder partner to your other half, but there are certain signs that your partner isn’t really thinking of you in the way they should be. If they ignore you when you walk into a room, don’t ask you how your day was or don’t remember what you told them, these are all signs that you should move on.
They don’t respect you
When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s natural to want to spend as much time with them as you can – but if you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t respect your space or your time, then you’re not really in a relationship at all. If your partner isn’t treating you with respect, you’re a placeholder – and it’s about time to move on.
They criticize the idea of marriage
A placeholder relationship is one in which the person involved is not seriously interested in the other partner; they’re just dating around and using the other person as a backup option. If the other partner brings up commitment or marriage, the placeholder person will often respond with mockery, to let them know that you won’t be getting an affirmative answer anytime soon.
You’re not a priority
There’s a quick way to figure out if you’re in a placeholder relationship. Pay attention to how your partner treats you. If you feel like they don’t make much of an effort to see you, if they often cancel dates at the last minute, or if they seem disinterested when you’re together, then chances are good that their feelings are lukewarm at best.
They don’t post you on social media
When you enter into a relationship, you ideally want to see your own excitement reflected back to you, right? If your partner isn’t flaunting their commitment to you, then it could be because they want to keep you a secret – which is so unfortunate. Flaunting shows that there’s no shame in the relationship and that they’re happy about being in it.
They’re still on dating apps
It’s normal for your partner to still be active on dating sites when you’re still in the casual dating, getting to know each other stage. However, there should come a point where your other half deletes the apps and focusses on you. If that hasn’t happened and you’ve been seeing each other for a while, you could be a placeholder.
They refuse to define the relationship
If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner refuses to have a real conversation about where the partnership is headed, then that’s a seriously bad sign. If they shut down and change the subject when you bring up terms or relationship talk, it might be a sign that you’re a placeholder.
Your relationship revolves around their schedule
You don’t want to be your partner’s “plan B” – the person he or she calls when they can’t hang out with their friends. If you’re not someone your partner has time for outside of when they specifically seek you out, then you’re probably just someone they see when they have nothing else planned. You deserve better than that.
You’re a secret
It’s one thing to be keeping your relationship under wraps for a little while because you don’t feel like you’re ready to share it with the world. It’s another thing entirely to be keeping it under wraps because your significant other doesn’t want anyone to know. That isn’t a good sign, and it could mean that you’re a placeholder.
They don’t care about your emotional wellbeing
There’s nothing wrong with looking to your partner for support, whether you’re going through a tough time or not. However, if your partner seems to be leaning on you more than the other way around, it can become an unhealthy pattern. If they don’t seem to care about helping you out when you need it, you’re likely just a placeholder.
They don’t want you to stay at their place
If your partner only wants to hang out with you alone and at your place, this can possibly mean that they’re using you as a placeholder and trying to keep you a secret. They obviously don’t want you to stay over at theirs, possibly because they don’t want you to be a serious part of their life.
You only spend time together when you’re being intimate
If you’re in a relationship with someone who seems to only have time for you when they want to hook up or need a place to crash, it’s time to acknowledge that they don’t really want what you do. That kind of casual expectation is a pretty good sign that they’re using your availability as a placeholder while they search for someone new.
They gaslight you
If your partner doesn’t want to admit what their intentions are with you, gaslighting is one of the ways that they’ll try to get out of taking responsibility for what’s happening between you. Of course, they may have been genuinely caught off-guard by your desire for something more serious, but if they sound dismissive or condescending, they might be gaslighting you.
They tell you they’re not looking for anything serious
There are a few ways you’ll know that a date is most likely not looking for anything serious. They might outright tell you, or they might give you clues. Either way, you can usually figure it out pretty quickly. When someone tells you that they don’t want anything serious, it’s kind of obvious that they won’t commit to the relationship and that you’ll serve only as a placeholder.
You’re more invested than them
When you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s natural to want to take your time. You don’t want to say “I love you” unless you really mean it, and you don’t want to say it too soon. But there comes a time when you have to realize that if they aren’t saying it to you, maybe they never will.
You’re never invited to holiday celebrations
So, you’ve been dating someone for a while, and things seem to be going well. Naturally, you want to make plans with them for the holidays, right? However, they’ve never made a move to invite you. More than likely, you’re being kept out of the loop because your partner doesn’t see themselves as being serious and doesn’t want you to become a permanent fixture in their life.
You always text first
When you think back on the time you’ve spent with your partner, can you remember a single instance when they reached out to you first, or a time when you didn’t initiate the conversation? If not, you might be getting the vibe that maybe your other half is just fine being on their own or without your company.
They hate PDA
There is nothing more disheartening than going to a party with someone you love and being ignored by said person in public. If public affection is rare because they can’t be bothered to show it, then they just see you as a placeholder. You’re not a dog that can be ignored and only given attention when it’s convenient! This is your partner!
They don’t ask questions
It’s important to understand your partner, and that means being aware of their behaviour towards you and how they treat you. If your partner doesn’t seem invested in your life, it may be because they’ve basically checked out of the relationship. In a healthy partnership, your other half will ask questions about your life and be curious about your goals.
They don’t want to meet your friends
When you’ve been dating someone for a while, it’s only natural to want to introduce them to your friends. Introducing people to the important people in your life is an easy way to keep your social circle up-to-date. However, when someone shows no interest in getting to know the people closest to you, this is typically an indication that they see your relationship as more of a placeholder.
Your lives are separate
You are a placeholder if you and your partner have very separate lives, and have nothing in common other than the fact that you’re being intimate with one another. You shouldn’t have more in common with the people working at your job than with the person sleeping next to you. If this sounds like your life, then it’s time to do something about it.
You feel like something is off
When you’re in love, your emotions can cloud your ability to think critically. So it’s important to pay attention to your intuition – that quiet voice inside of you that’s not afraid to tell you if something doesn’t feel right. If it tells you that your partner is using you as a placeholder, they probably are.
You don’t have deep conversations
If you want to be in a long-term relationship, you need to be with someone who is willing to go deeper with you. If your partner doesn’t seem like they are able to go deep with you on an emotional level, it could very well be a sign that this person isn’t going to be able to offer the kind of support you need in the long term.
They’re secretive
When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s important to be able to trust that they are committing themselves in the same way you are. If you’re constantly feeling like your partner is keeping secrets from you, there is a good chance that they simply don’t care as much about the relationship as you do and may even see you as a placeholder.
They only make plans at the last minute
It’s natural to want to spend more time with your sweetheart, but if they’re constantly cancelling or avoiding making plans with you in advance, it may be a sign that they view the relationship as a placeholder and are not willing to invest time and effort into making it work.
They compare you to their ex
If your partner is still struggling with feelings for an ex, it can lead to a pattern of behaviour that’s not healthy for your relationship. If your partner is constantly comparing you to their ex, it suggests that they aren’t fully present in the relationship and may see you as a placeholder as they are hung up on their past.
They always agree with you
When you’re in a placeholder relationship, you know that you’re not in a position to argue or negotiate anything, and there’s no real reason for your partner to say yes to anything you say. In cases like this, they’re either just agreeing out of politeness, or because they think it’ll get them something.
They’re not there when you need them
When your partner is constantly giving you reasons why they can’t see you, why they’re never around, or why they don’t keep their promises to you, it shows that they don’t love you as much as you love them. Too many excuses and broken promises are a sign of a lack of commitment.
You’re the only one working for the relationship
A placeholder relationship is one that has no growth potential. You may have been dating for quite some time, or maybe you just met a few weeks ago. Either way, if your partner is not putting any effort into making your relationship stronger, then it’s highly likely that he or she doesn’t see you as an important part of their life.
They’re always cancelling
One of the biggest signs that someone is not that into you and just sees you as a placeholder is if they always cancel plans on you. If they can make time for their close friends or family members but they constantly take rain checks on hanging out with you, that’s probably not a good sign.
They’ve never bought you a gift
When you care about someone, you want to show them that they matter to you. However, if you’ve had a partner who never seems to get you gifts or even do small things like pick up the tab when you go out together, then that could be a sign that they just see you as a placeholder.
They have strict boundaries
The boundaries you establish in your relationship are important. However, if your partner refuses to meet you halfway on some things, it could mean that they have no intention of sticking around for the long haul. In a true relationship, both parties will do a roughly equal amount of giving and taking.
Their actions don’t reflect their words
Don’t let someone sweet-talk their way into your life. If someone is only interested in you when they’re trying to get physical intimacy, their actions and words will rarely stay consistent from one situation to the other. If a person loves you and cares about you, they will want you around even when the clothes stay on.
Your relationship is inconsistent
When you are in a placeholder relationship, it can leave you feeling anxious because there’s no consistency or commitment. You may wake up every day wondering if this will be the day your partner decides to break up with you or move on to something better because they’ve found what they’re actually looking for.
You’re the only one making plans
If you find yourself constantly pining for invitations from your partner, you need to consider why you’re not getting them. People who want to date other people don’t offer their time to someone else, and they certainly don’t do it continually. The longer this goes on without any reciprocation, the more likely you are to be a placeholder.
