You get sappy over “your song”
It’s not uncommon to have a song that you and your partner consider a special song for the pair of you. Once you’ve broken up, that song can still raise a lot of emotions while you’re in the process of getting over that person. If you cannot hear that one song without still being full of emotions about your past relationship, you’re probably not over them yet.
You think of them when big things happen
When you’re in a relationship, your other half is the person you tend to share everything with. Whenever anything happened, they would be the first to know. This can be one of the biggest things to have to unlearn after a breakup. When anything of note happens in your life, who is it you want to tell? Your friends or family? Or is it still your ex? That is a sure-fire sign you still have work to do when it comes to getting over them.
You compare everyone to them
So maybe you’re back on the dating scene. Maybe you’ve downloaded some of the apps and have started actively going on dates or pursuing new relationships. As hard as you might be trying to form new connections, you just can’t seem to help but compare them all to that one ex. Something about them is sticking in your head. If you claim to be over them but catch yourself doing this, you might have to admit to yourself that you’re not.
You’re subtweeting
You’re not with them anymore but you keep posting tweets and Instagram stories that heavily imply something to do with them. Maybe these posts are insulting, or maybe they’re inside jokes. Either way, you post them hoping that certain someone will see them. If you care enough about them to be posting in that way, you clearly have some work to do when it comes to getting over them.
Your friends are sick of hearing about it
Presuming your friends are good friends, they will have taken good care of you and given you a shoulder to cry on when you and your ex broke up. However, as far as they’re concerned, this whole things has gone on long enough. If they’re that sick of hearing about your ex, you keep bringing them up more than you realise, and even your friends know you’re not over them.
You’re stalking their socials
Some relationships don’t end on terrible terms which means you may not have blocked each other by the end of it. If you’re no longer in a relationship but you still find yourself wanting to check their social media accounts day after day, then you’re probably a little more obsessed with them than you’d care to admit.
You bring them up on dates
Not only is your ex on your mind a lot, but you’re talking about them a lot too. You’re not just talking about them to your friends either, oh no. You have found yourself talking about your ex on dates with new people. If you cannot keep your ex out of your mouth for the duration of a date with another person, that’s definitely a sign you aren’t over them yet.
You cry when you drink
Ever since the breakup, nights out with friends haven’t been the same. You’ve been drinking the same amount you did before, but now those drinks come with tears and lots of them. If this drunken behaviour continues, you should know it’s indicative of a broken heart you’ve not recovered from yet.
You’re keeping mementos
When you break up, there are several things you can do with the gifts you got each other, and they make varying levels of sense depending on the kinds of gifts. For the romantic gifts that have no value but sentimental… why are you still holding onto those? If the only reason you have one of these gifts is because it was romantic, then you are not over your ex enough to not need their romantic gestures anymore.
You’re not attracted to anyone else
Many people, particularly in the honeymoon phase, find themselves only attracted to their partner. If you have broken up and just can’t seem to find yourself attracted to any person the way you were to your ex, you aren’t over them yet. You clearly are not ready to find a new person or dedicate your attention to them in a way a partner would deserve.
Everything reminds you of them
Everything you see does not have some greater significance. Just because you ate ice cream together with your ex one time does not mean seeing an ice cream truck should remind you of them. If every innocuous thing in your life is making you think about them, you still have a ways to go in getting over them.
You’re still crying about the breakup
It’s normal to cry after a breakup and for a wee while afterwards. A romantic relationship ending is a big deal! However, if you’re still crying about the breakup months later, that’s a relationship you’re not over. Once things are finished between the two of you and you’ve passed what you considered your mourning period, that should be that. If it’s not, you might not be moving on as well as you should.
You’re moving slow in your new relationship
Maybe you’ve gotten to the point of starting a new relationship. While you might think that’s a sure sign that you’re over your ex, it isn’t always. If you’re deliberately moving extra slow in your new relationship, maybe because something doesn’t feel quite right or because you’re hoping your ex might come back to you, then you’re not over your ex yet.
Acting like you’re over it feels like work
Of course you’re over it. You say so to your friends and family when they ask. You’re making an effort to put yourself out there. That said, it feels like a lot of work to act like that. If it takes you effort to act like you’re over your past relationship, you’re probably faking it. That is a clear indicator that you’re not actually over it at all.
You drunk text them
Everyone makes a big joke about texting a former partner after having too many to drink. They say drunk actions are sober thoughts and it means you’re not over your ex at all. In this case, the people who say such things are actually right. If all you want to do when drunk is talk to your ex, you’re not past wanting them back yet.
You find ways to be in touch with them
This might sound a little creepy and that’s because it is! When you’re not over an ex, you might try and come up with excuses to see them or talk to them. You might watch one of their favourite shows just to reply to their Instagram stories about it or hanging out in places you know they frequent. It’s a little bit stalker-ish and definitely a sign you’re not over them.
You keep thinking you see them
When you’re getting over someone after they’ve only just stopped having a significant role in your life, things can get weird. You might be looking for their face all around you to no avail – or you might be thinking you see them everywhere. Every head of short brown hair is suddenly theirs. Every green jumper makes you think you see them. This shows that you definitely haven’t got them out of your system.
You reimagine how things could have gone
It might be thinking back to the big breakup chat and thinking what you could have said differently to make them stay. It might be thinking about how you could have looked or acted differently to make them like you more overall. If you keep reimagining the past to see what you could have done to make the relationship go better, you’re not over it.
You’re avoiding self-reflection
Although you might be alright pretending that you’re okay to the people around you, there’s someone it’s really hard to pretend to – and that’s yourself. That is why you avoid self-reflection at all costs. Somewhere deep down you know you’re not doing so well and you just cannot bring yourself to acknowledge it. If that describes you, your feelings for your ex aren’t gone quite yet.
Romantic movies are hard to watch
This counts doubly if romantic movies used to be some of your favourites to watch, but if you’re struggling to watch them now, it could be a sign of something deeper. Romantic movies are supposed to feel good, so if all they’re doing is pulling up feelings about your ex, you’re probably not over that ex just yet.
You’re convinced you’ll find your way back
Others call it wishful thinking; you call it fate. Deep down you are convinced that you and your ex are made for each other. Of course you think you’re over them (for now) because you’re meant to be together and will find your way back to one another when it’s time. It is important to realise that this might not be true and definitely does not mean you’re over them. But you probably know that.
You’d leave whoever you’re dating now for them
Of course you would never say this to the person you’re currently dating or even to your friends maybe, but if you’re really honest with yourself, there is nobody you would rather be with than your ex. If you really reflect and think you’d leave whoever you’re with now for your ex, you’re not over them.
Seeing them makes you want them
If you’re over your ex partner, then seeing them could still be a pretty weird experience. After all, you had a deep connection that is no longer there. Seeing them should not reignite your old feelings for them, though. If you’re feeling the warm and fuzzies just from seeing your ex, your journey to get over them might be longer than you initially thought.
You’re angry when your friends have new relationships
Of course you try not to show this. You love your friends, obviously, but you can’t help being a little upset when your friends have blossoming romances. Think about why that might be. If you were not still a little bitter or hurt about your breakup from that one ex, you would be happy for your friend instead.
You find reasons to be in their spaces
You dated them, so of course you know your ex’s favourite hangout spots, where they work, where they get their coffee, all that jazz. If you’re hung up on them, you will find reasons to be in those places. You do probably give other excuses for it though. Maybe that they just have good music or their coffee tastes better. Definitely nothing to do with your ex…
You keep updated on their life
If anything changes about your ex’s life, you feel a desperate need to know. Has their style changed? Did they get a new job? You want to be clued in. That is why you ask about them, talk about them, stalk their socials. If you need to know what your ex is up to all the time, you’re not over them yet.
Hearing they’re dating hurts
It’s not that you want to be with you ex. at least that’s what you tell yourself, and it’s not that they shouldn’t be able to date. All that being said, hearing your ex-partner is getting out there and dating again might be hurting you. If it’s more than a slight discomfort, it shows that you have some unresolved feelings on that front.
You hope they’ll respond to your posts
When you post online, you cannot stop thinking about them so you end up posting one of your inside jokes with the desperate hope that they will realise it and reach out to you. Making posts for the sake of your ex seeing them is a clear indicator that they are still occupying far too much of your brain space.
You still act like their partner
Sometimes a person will break up with you and make it clear that they do not plan on getting back together with you. In spite of this, they will keep sleeping with you and asking you for favours. If you are still doing all these relationship type things without them having to commit, you aren’t over them. If you were, you’d never accept that kind of treatment!
They’re in your dreams
I hear you. Dreams aren’t your conscious mind. They don’t actually mean anything! While they’re not your conscious mind though, they are your subconscious one. You ex is still in your head somehow if they’re appearing in your dreams. Something in your mind doesn’t want to give them up quite yet.
You’re protective of them
So you’re not even together anymore, but for some reason you still feel the need to protect your ex. It’s normal to not wish pain on others as a general rule, but getting protective over someone you’re broken up with is unnecessary and a little odd. Make sure you’re not crossing boundaries by doing this and think about why you still care so much.
Your choices are based on their interests
You care a lot about what they think even though you’ve broken up. In fact you care so much that their interests and values influence what you do frequently even though you may not share those interests. If you still care that much about what they think of your choices, you are far from getting over that ex of yours!
You reminisce a lot
Although you may claim to be over your ex, you spend an awful lot of time thinking about the shared past you had together. You might say it’s that you just miss being in a relationship, but if you were really over your ex, these thoughts would be less frequent. Reminiscing is normal only if you’ve accepted you’re not over it yet.
You try to make them jealous
If your ex did you dirty, it makes sense that you enjoy making them see you thriving without them. However, trying to make them jealous by creating a fake new partner or manufacturing Instagram posts where you only look like you’re having fun when you weren’t is a different matter. In such a case, everything you’re doing is focused around them rather than yourself which shows you still have a lot of unresolved feelings.
You try to get friends to spy for you
You know that stalking your ex sounds like something only a total creep would do, so you wanted to avoid that. You also wanted to act like you didn’t care, all while hinting to your friends that they should find out what your ex is up to. Why would you feel the need for your friends to spy on your ex for you if you were over them?
You post negatively about them online
Subtweeting is one level, but openly going online and saying negative things about someone is quite another. If you have been posting things online about how awful your ex is, especially if it is in a public way, then you are still hung up on them in some way, even if you truly do dislike them.
You lash out at your friends in relationships
Maybe your friend just got into a relationship, or maybe they’ve been with their partner for years. Either way, you can’t seem to stop yourself from being extra cold and snippy when they bring up their partner in any capacity. It’s not because you don’t support your friends’ relationships, but because you still cannot reconcile your breakup in your mind.
You’re doing things you did together
Whether it’s restaurants you went to or places you took walks or a particular activity you tried together, you’re doing it all again now. You’re revisiting those experiences saying you’re “reclaiming” them but all your focus is going into reliving these experiences when you could be focusing on building new ones unrelated to your ex instead.
You’re isolating yourself
Since the breakup it just feels like you don’t want to be around people at all. Instead you are shutting yourself in your room and letting yourself mourn. Endlessly. After losing a very close romantic relationship, it may feel like no one else can compare so seeing anyone, including just just friends, doesn’t appeal to you. If you’re still avoiding people, it might be because you’re still hung up on your ex.
You hold onto the gifts you bought for the next special occasion
It is possible that when you and your partner broke up, there was a birthday or Christmas or even Valentine’s day coming up that you had already bought them a gift for. If you are still holding onto that gift, planning to give it to them in spite of the breakup, you’ve got some thinking to do. Now that you’re not dating, the only reason to still give them that thoughtful gift is if you’re not over them.
