Do the Bartman by The Simpsons
It’s surprising whenever a transparently vapid novelty song reaches number one on the charts, but that feeling increases tenfold when the song in question is based on an existing IP. Do the Bartman by The Simpsons is a cash-grab tie-in to one of the best episodes of the animated sitcom in existence, but the song very much lacks the charm of its source material.
Rock Me Amadeus by Falco
Rock Me Amadeus by Falco proves that contemporary reworks of historical figures were a blueprint for success way before Lin-Manuel Miranda dreamed up Hamilton. Nevertheless, it’s hard to explain how this Europop earworm managed to stick to the number one chart spot with such tenacity. Maybe it had something to do with the exceptionally 80s music video?
Lonely by Akon
Discerning listeners probably wouldn’t have given Lonely by Akon a number-one chart placement if they had known what it was leading to: legions of copycats, countless remixes, and eventually the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies. Nevertheless, the chorus instantly became the must-have ringtone for every teen girl’s 2005 Motorola clamshell phone for a reason, that reason being its otherworldly catchiness.
We Built This City by Starship
Starship had honourable intentions when they released We Built This City in 1985. The group simply wanted to mourn the loss of live music venues in their new home of Los Angeles and to spur audiences into flocking to support their local scene. Unfortunately, they actually delivered a stadium rock anthem so ubiquitous and by the numbers that it couldn’t drive the counter-cultural point home.
The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup
Nonsense, mindlessly sing-along choruses, delivered by a one-hit wonder and resulting in a number one single is such a prolific stereotype that it was even parodied on Phineas and Ferb, and The Ketchup Song by Spanish girl group Las Ketchup is the perfect example. Ostensibly, it’s about a man misbehaving and dancing in the club, but more people remember the dance moves than the story.
It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy
Songs about adultery, both celebrating it and lamenting it, have been a mainstay of the pop charts for decades. With that said, It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy doesn’t fit neatly into either category. Both tragic and goofy, apologetic and apologism, the only reason for this hit’s number one status is its infectious to the point of maddening hook.
Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex
Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex was not the last number-one song to mix country music with techno elements, but it was both one of the first and undoubtedly the most infamous. This song is now mostly played at throwback discos, on Dance Dance Revolution machines at arcades around the country, and by tired millennials trying to entertain their toddlers, but its number-one status won’t be forgotten.
My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry
Chuck Berry’s contributions to the course of rock and pop history cannot be overstated. However, for as talented and influential as the man was, not all of his songs were winners. My Ding-A-Ling is a song both so saccharine and so creepy that its rise to the top spot of the charts is truly baffling. Maybe people were unable to listen properly because his shirt was so loud?
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Nowadays, Ice Ice Baby is little more than meme fodder, or a reminder of just how cringe the early 1990s had the capacity to be. However, its legendary stay at the top of the charts is officially proof that people once upon of time didn’t just like it, but thought it was cool and cutting edge. In reality, it might be the only writing credit Bowie regretted getting.
Blue (Da Ba Dee) by Eiffel 65
Blue (Da Ba Dee) is the definitive Europop anthem. As in, Eiffel 65’s debut album featuring the single is literally called Europop. Nevertheless, despite the undeniably catchy chorus and unique, compelling vocal delivery, it’s a little difficult to unpack why listeners spanning multiple continents went so nuts for this song. Perhaps it was the bopping blue aliens in the music video?
House of the Rising Sun by The Animals
House of the Rising Sun has a thousand different versions that predate this 1964 effort, but it was Geordie rockers The Animals who really breathed life into it. What made this a crazy number-one hit is the fact that said “house” is actually a brothel.
A Whole New World by Disney
It became and remains common for Disney songs to enjoy chart success (think Circle of Life, Let it Go) but in 1992, the concept was still novel. But the people spoke, and what they wanted to hear most was A Whole New World from Aladdin. It even dethroned Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You.
Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
Carl Douglas immortalized himself in 1974 with this silly number one. Kung Fu Fighting is a light-hearted song that posits an entire world caught up in a martial arts trance. It uses a riff that Western cultures have long mistaken for what music actually sounds like in Asia, AKA the “East Asian riff”.
Funkytown by Lipps Inc
Lipps Inc wrote Funkytown when they were dreaming of moving from Minneapolis to New York. The whole song asks the unnamed subject, “Won’t you take me to Funkytown?” New York, as far as we know, has never been called Funkytown before or since. This repetitive disco tune shocked everyone by reaching number one.
Mickey by Toni Basil
Toni Basil’s Mickey didn’t actually make number one when it was first released. After they re-released it a year later, it suddenly went to number-one across the world. This song is home to the famous “Hey Mickey, you’re so fine/You’re so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Mickey” cheerleading war cry.
I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
The debut single by brothers Fred and Richard Fairbrass of Right Said Fred, I’m Too Sexy was a bizarrely successful song, topping the charts in countries like Australia and the United States. It got a renewed appreciation when Taylor Swift lifted the rhythmic pattern in her 2018 song, Look What You Made Me Do.
Justify My Love by Madonna
It wouldn’t be a list of crazy music without Madonna. Always a fan of courting controversy, 1992’s Justify My Love was no exception. Borne from her Sex era, the lyrics and video are pretty tame by today’s standards but they were condemned by the Vatican upon release.
Monster Mash by Boris Pickett
There aren’t an awful lot of out-and-out Halloween songs but Monster Mash is definitely one of them. Released in August 1962, this spooky single was number one on the charts from October 20 to October 27 and has remained a seasonal favorite ever since. In 2021, Monster Mash re-entered the charts at number 37.
Gangnam Style by Psy
K-pop had been around for years, but it wasn’t until Psy’s great efforts in 2012 that it truly went international. Gangnam Style was the hardest launch imaginable for a musical genre. We the public didn’t have a choice in avoiding it. It was everywhere, shooting straight to the top of the digital charts and until 2017, it was the most viewed video on YouTube.
Barbie Girl by Aqua
Danish pop act Aqua made crazy history in 1996 by dedicating an entire song to a doll. Barbie Girl was fun and easy to sing along to, but also highly controversial. Mattel, which manufactures Barbie, sued Aqua’s record company in 2000 for violating their trademark. They lost. Ha!
Harlem Shake by Baauer
Harlem Shake is a bad song, but that doesn’t matter. Within it, was a catchy chunk that could be clipped and memed. Back in 2012, you couldn’t move for videos of people trying out the Harlem Shake Challenge (not a challenge of any kind). Today, the song is virtually extinct. How this was ever number one remains depressing.
Rude by Magic
You’ve probably never given this song a second thought beyond, “Wow, that’s catchy” or “Wow, that’s annoying”. But you should. Magic’s Rude is about a guy asking his girlfriend’s dad if he can marry her, being turned down, and saying, “Why you gotta be so rude?” and “I’m going to marry her anyway.”
Brown Sugar by the Rolling Stones
You can’t help but feel a song about a slave auction wouldn’t go down great today. But in 1971, the opening lines, “Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields/ Sold in a market down in New Orleans/ Scarred old slaver, know he’s doing alright/ Hear him whip the women just around midnight” sent this tune right to number-one. Yikes.
Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People
The song is okay if tarnished by overkill, but what makes it a crazy number one is the theme. Pumped Up Kicks is about a homicidal student planning to attack his classmates. Frontman Mark Foster has gone on record to say the song was meant to be an anti-gun violence anthem but it still feeds odd to sing along to.
Light My Fire by The Doors
Light My Fire is one of the weirdest songs to ever top the charts. Immediately recognisable, this Doors track from 1967 is fairly explicit in its references to vices of the time. Not many tunes that included lyrics such as, “Girl, we couldn’t get much higher”, became number-ones during that period.
War by Edwin Starr
Who could have guessed that an obscure soul singer from Nashville would become the face of the anti-Vietnam War movement? The Temptations had originally performed War before passing it on to Edwin Starr, whose distinctive grunts and snarls turned him into an overnight, pacifist hero.
I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry
If Katy Perry had left the lyrics open to interpretation, the song may not be on this list. But “I kissed a girl just to try it/I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” leaves little to the imagination. In 2008, audiences didn’t care about that, nor the fact this whole song was a deliberate ploy for attention.
WAP by Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s WAP went straight to number one, despite (or perhaps, because of) its explicit lyrics and subject matter. The song and video sent the media into a frenzy for a few days, and then they never spoke about it again.
Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire
Nothing spells a chart-topper quite like nuclear war! Times were tough when Barry McGuire released this track in the 1960s. “If the button is pushed, there’s no runnin’ away/ There’ll be no one to save with the world in a grave.” Eve of Destruction came out less than three years after the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Love Child by Diana Ross and the Supremes
Having a child out of wedlock can still ruffle feathers in 2023. In 1968, the attitude was brutally dismissive, which made the Supremes’ effort Love Child, a super-crazy number one. “But no child of mine will be bearing/ The name of shame I’ve been wearing/ Love child, love child/ Never quite as good/ Afraid, ashamed/ Misunderstood.” This tune bumped Hey Jude from the top spot.
Baby One More Time by Britney Spears
The teen bop had grown up a lot by the end of the 1990s. You may not have realized, but Baby One More Time is a pretty erotically charged song, especially for a 16-year-old. The suggestive lyrics and controversial music video shot this pop classic straight to number one. Yeesh.
Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke
This one doesn’t need to be spelled out. Robin Thicke said he knew we wanted it. He even asked what rhymed with hug me. Everything was wrong and yet audiences drove this creepy floorfiller straight to number one. The only upshot to this song was that it had to give co-writing credits to Marvin Gaye after ripping off his 1977 hit Got to Give It Up.
You’re Sixteen by Ringo Starr
“You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and you’re mine” would be a worrying thing to say even if you were sixteen. When Ringo Starr sang it, he was in his early thirties. Nevertheless, it was a number one for the Beatles drummer back in 1974 – albeit a hokey, fogeyish number one. Band on the Run, it was not.
Macarena by Los Del Rio
Probably the most famous one-hit-wonder of all time, Macarena originally appeared in 1993 to little fanfare. Then Miami producers The Bayside Boys remixed it and sent it stratospheric. Today, it is written in law that all weddings must play this Los Del Rio classic.
Fireflies by Owl City
Back in 2009, number-one songs sounded like I Gotta Feeling, Boom Boom Pow, and Just Dance. They weren’t slow songs about insects. Alas, this synthy number from Owl City cracked the top 10, proving there was room for slow, sadder songs, even if they were insufferable.
Old Town Road by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus
Not since the heady days of nu-metal had we seen such an ambitious crossover in music. Hip hop? And country? Old Town Road is only 1:58 minutes long but it made quite the impression on the American public, who made it number one back in 2018. Nobody saw this coming. Nobody.
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini by Brian Hyland
Yep, this isn’t just some random song you heard someone sing in the playground. It actually was recorded by Brian Hyland back in 1960. Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini was eventually made into a parody for a commercial in the 2000s which may have contributed to its lore.
Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye
Before Gotye became somebody that we used to know, he penned and performed this slow-banger in 2011. At the time, the charts were dominated by loud, crude, EDM. If you weren’t Nicki Minaj or LMFAO, you didn’t stand a chance, which makes the success of this art-pop effort so oddly comforting.
Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band by Meco
That’s right, back in 1977, with A New Hope fresh in everyone’s mind, Meco decided to release a remix of the Cantina Band’s pop, holding on to the top spot for two weeks. The Recording Industry Association of America revealed this novelty tune had sold a million units.
Disco Duck by Jackie Lee
Written by Rick Dees, Disco Duck concerns a bored man urged to get down and dance like a duck at a party. When the music stops, he sits down, only to get up and dance again and realise everyone is doing the same exact dance. It was awful then, it’s awful now.
Give Me Everything by Pitbull
“Me not working hard?/Yeah, right, picture that with a Kodak/Or better yet, go to Times Square/Take a picture of me with a Kodak”. Give Me Everything is downright lazy, on top of being awful. The First Amendment also saved it from a defamation case due to the line, “locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” Stay classy, Pitbull!
Laffy Taffy by D4L
Think about this: thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of people downloaded this song in 2006. They paid money for Laffy Taffy. Who is the target audience? The lyrics exclude anyone below the age of 13, and yet the beat sounds like it should be played at a child’s birthday party.
Run It by Chris Brown
Chris Brown burst onto the scene in 2005 with Run It! which is a rehashed version of Will Smith’s Switch and The Ying Yang Twins’ Wait (The Whisper Song). Apparently, it was believable that a sixteen-year-old Chris Brown could steal people’s girlfriends at the time. Get real!
OMG by Usher
OMG paints a typical R&B picture; Usher sees an attractive woman in a nightclub and tries to win her affection by saying how much he wants to get her into bed. “Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow,” he sings. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, will.i.am turns up.
Crank That by Soulja Boy
Crank That could have joined the upper echelons of novelty dance anthems had it told audiences how to do said dance. Instead, Soulja Boy merely hypes himself up in indecipherable English. “Soulja Boy off in this oh,” he says, before describing a totally bizarre act in the bedroom. What? Go away.
London Bridge by Fergie
At the beginning of London Bridge, Fergie asks: “Are you ready for this?” It didn’t matter how much we shouted “No” at the radio – the question was rhetorical. The Black Eyed Peas frontwoman was always going to let us have it in this thinly-veiled anthem for certain lewd acts definitely NOT related to the English landmark. Extra awful points for the “Me love you long time” nod.
Butterly by Crazy Town
We’ll tell you what’s crazy. This song reached number in 15 countries! As it happened, lines like “Hey, sugar mama, come and dance with me/The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me” delivered over a John Frusciante lick from 1989 were what the public wanted most. They were wrong then, and they’re wrong now.
This Is Why I’m Hot by Mims
We get it. Rappers have to brag about themselves. But they still have to be creative. You can’t do with Mims did in 2007 and repeat “This is why I’m hot” over 30 times. His justification? Because he’s “fly”. This track sounds like the result of a bet that Mims lost, and in turn, we lost too.
Grillz by Nelly
Want to know who to thank for the prevalence of grills? The teeth kind, not the cooking kind. Look no further than Nelly. His novelty song put them on the map in 2005. Fortunately, the song itself didn’t have as much staying power. This is a terrible song made up almost entirely of ice metaphors. Snore.
Grenade by Bruno Mars
Yeah, go ahead Bruno, catch that grenade. Let us watch you implode before our eyes. The trauma will be worth never hearing that dreadful, dreadful song ever again. This track was one of the singer’s final “schmaltzy radio pop” tunes before he rebranded as a gaudy, Vegas pervert.
Wild Wild West by Will Smith
Contrary to popular belief, slapping Chris Rock in front of billions of viewers wasn’t the worst thing Will Smith has done. It was actually the 1999 steampunk mess that is Wild Wild West (which he apparently turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix for). The song to help promote it wasn’t any better.
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams
A lot of rock acts sell out and do a big, mushy power ballad to enter the public consciousness, and Bryan Adams is no different. The Robin Hood movie this song accompanied may be excellent, but the song itself is a pathetic, embarrassing, servile mess. Throw some constipated vocals on it and you’re in real trouble.
You’re Beautiful by James Blunt
James Blunt may have saved his bacon by becoming a comical talking head on social media, but that was never going to absolve the horror he inflicted on people with ears with You’re Beautiful back in 2004. This is a cautionary tale for any guitar-playing member of the armed forces.
Bad Day by Daniel Powter
Everybody was having a good day until Daniel Powter released this song. Ever since then, the world has been in a violent tailspin. Did you know natural disasters actually quadrupled in frequency after 2005? Don’t Google it. Just believe us. Thankfully, Powter was never seen again.
Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin
Many mistake Don’t Worry Be Happy for a Bob Marley song which is ludicrous, if a tad understandable. Bobby McFerrin, a Brooklyn native, affects a Jamaican accent in this saccharine tune. Strike one. It also has an AA-BB-CC rhyme scheme. Strike two. Oh, and George W. Bush used it for his presidential campaign. Strike three.
I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas
Loud, inane, repetitive. Is I Gotta Feeling the worst song ever? Probably. But back in 2009, people went nuts for this track. Random, vapid statements like “Let’s do it!” and “Fill up my cup!” and, of course, “Mazel tov!” run through this song like cholera through a river.
Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
Had this song not been revived in the noughties with the dawn of Rickrolling, there’s a good chance that this painting-by-numbers pop monstrosity would’ve been archived forever. Astley has enjoyed a second wind off the back of this internet meme. We should be ashamed.
I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy
What’s the harm in taking a song about stalking and reimagining it as a goodbye song for a dead rapper? None, according to Puff Daddy in this 1997 chart-topper. We got caught up in this after the murder of Biggie. Today, it doesn’t stand up. Its only saving grace is Faith Evans’ vocals.
Jump by Kriss Kross
Kriss Kross are mad as hell in the video for their one-hit-wonder Jump. You can tell because they’re scowling at the camera. It’s unsettling, to be honest. Children shouldn’t be this mad. They should be out there, riding their bikes, climbing trees, and buying ice cream. Not rapping in back-to-front clothing.
Candle in the Wind by Elton John
This song was bad when it was about Marilyn Monroe. Its Princess Diana rehash is considerably worse. Not wanting to lose the spotlight for too long, Elton John quickly spun his own song into an ode for the late Princess of Wales after her death in 1997. It went on to become the second-best-selling physical single in music history.
My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
If you have any memories of 1997, My Heart Will Go On was either playing in the background or was about to be played. This Celine Dion tune was as successful and mediocre as the film it was written for – Titanic. If only the descendants of this song’s writers had been aboard the doomed vessel back in 1912.
Believe by Cher
We’re not gonna bag on Cher. She’s a legend. But this dabble in 1990s mainstream dance music boom was an auto-tuned low point. If someone else had sung it, Believe might not have made the list, but getting a veteran of the industry to do the vocals cements its crazy status. Don’t worry, Cher hates it too.
Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot
To be fair, Baby Got Back is completely aware of its lunacy. In the video, Sir Mix-A-Lot is even rapping on top of a giant fake butt. But that doesn’t protect this song from a good pasting. Although ahead of its time (Baby Got Back pre-dates Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj et al by over a decade), this is one hot sexist mess.
She Bangs by Ricky Martin
Following Livin’ la Vida Loca was a tough ask, but She Bangs is still a poor attempt. Ricky Martin sings: “She looks like a flower / But she stings like a bee / Like every girl in history.” Oh, cool. Misogyny? Latin pop didn’t die for this. Fortunately, everybody forgot about Ricky Martin’s existence before he could face humiliation for this track.
Just Lose It by Eminem
An Eminem album wouldn’t be the same without a slapstick comedy-rap as its lead single. Think My Name Is, think The Real Slim Shady, think Without Me. 2004’s Encore had Just Lose it, and it is by far the worst. Eminem, by this point, had actually lost it and was on the brink of rehab, so we can’t judge him too much for this stinker.
Yummy by Justin Bieber
Fans were confused when Justin Bieber released Yummy in 2020. They were confused by how offensively bad it was. Yeah, you got that yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy. Shut up, Justin, you idiot.
Rockstar by Nickelback
Funny that the band who made the anthem for rockstars, existing and budding, happens to be the lamest out there. You can’t write a song about wanting to have a private jet and feature on MTV Cribs and expect people to think you’re cool. Another L for Chad Kroeger, sadly.
Baby by Justin Bieber
This whole list could be Justin Bieber, who seems to break out in hives any time he’s close to a decent writing team. Baby was a huge hit… with actual babies. That’s what people forget about Bieber’s ascension. His fanbase was children. What do they know? Nothing, that’s what. At one time, this was YouTube’s most disliked video.
Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s
Songs about, or eluding to New York, are almost never written by anyone associated with or from the city. Take Hey There Delilah, a horribly twee song which includes the line: “Time Square can’t shine as bright as you”. Try to imagine a New Yorker saying that, ever.
Payphone by Maroon 5
Adam “Tattoos” Levine had something interesting going on with Maroon 5 when they released Songs About Jane. Then, he threw it all away to become a mom rock sex symbol. Payphone is among the band’s worst from this rebrand. A song about having to call a lover from a pay phone? In the 2010s? Let’s face it, Levine’s probably only in there to call the dirty numbers.
