You avoid commitment
Commitment to a person is something that takes a lot of trust, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. You are trusting them with your emotions and trusting them to be loyal to you. If you have noticed that you have difficulty committing to one person and staying with that, then you may be dealing with trust issues.
You assume the worst of people
When you have trust issues, you are unwilling to believe that people are going to remain your friend or stay loyal to you. This is because you do not see a reason for them to be close to you. It can also be because you had negative experiences in past connections and therefore expect this to be recurring.
Small mistakes feel big to you
For most people, if a friend or partner makes a mistake, they might be upset but they will be willing to forgive and move on. For people with trust issues, this can be a different matter. When someone makes a mistake, you may feel betrayed and like you can no longer let them be too close to you. This is a strong indicator that you have trust issues to work through.
You isolate yourself
Connection is so important for humans but it is something people with trust issues really struggle with. If you have a tendency to isolate yourself and spend time alone even when you want to be around people, it could be down to some deep seated trust issues. If you find it hard to trust people, you will not be prioritising spending time with people.
You sabotage your relationships
When in a relationship, you should want to stay with your partner, believe what they tell you and enjoy your time together. If you have trouble with that and are always looking for places to make things go wrong, you are likely dealing with trust issues. This can manifest in you sabotaging your relationships and making things go wrong intentionally so that it doesn’t happen accidentally.
You’re secretive
People tend to be secretive when they have something to hide. If you are a person who deals with trust issues, the thing you may be trying to hide could be your own emotions. Those with trust issues keep information about themselves close to their chests to avoid being hurt. They want to minimize the chances of others using that information against them.
You prepare yourself for the worst
If you are constantly assuming the worst, you may feel the need to prepare yourself for such a situation. If you find yourself distancing yourself from those close to you or making sure you have things to keep you busy in case things turn south, you may be experiencing trust issues. Preparing yourself for the worst possible scenario is not something people who are well adjusted do.
You’re possessive
Being a little protective can be normal in relationships. You want the best for your partner and want to protect them from negative situations. This is not the same as being possessive. Those with trust issues can get possessive and jealous because they are always fearing the worst when it comes to their partner or friends.
You’re reactive
Those with trust issues have some reactive tendencies. They are likely to blow things out of proportion or find just a slight difference in how something has been said and twist it into something that could be hurtful. If you are always looking for how something could be meant badly, it could be down to trust issues.
You compare people
People who have trust issues tend to have them from past experiences. It is not uncommon, therefore, to compare the new people in your life to those who have hurt you before. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy though. If you spend your time thinking about how your new partner and your toxic ex have a few interests in common and how that definitely means your boo is cheating on you, that’s not helpful for anyone.
You check your partner’s phone
One of the classic signs of trust issues is a compulsion to check your partner’s phone for evidence of infidelity. Whilst the urge to check up on your significant other might be incredibly powerful, invading their privacy is a deeply unhealthy behaviour, and is in fact tantamount to abuse. Most of the time this behaviour stems from psychological issues, but if you genuinely believe your partner isn’t trustworthy, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.
You avoid intimacy
At their core, trust issues stem from fears of getting hurt. As a result, people with trust issues will generally take measures, consciously or otherwise, to avoid intimacy and the vulnerability that comes with it. If you find yourself getting increasingly anxious whenever you start getting close to someone, it could be because you’re afraid of giving them the power to hurt you.
You hold grudges
Anger is a normal and appropriate response when someone has wronged you, but it’s equally important to recognise that everyone makes mistakes. Learning to forgive is an important skill, but unfortunately for people with trust issues, it’s one they struggle with enormously. Once someone has violated their trust, they are likely to form a deep, lasting grudge, often cutting the person from their life entirely.
You pick fights for no reason
People with trust issues inherently assume the worst about others, and as a result, they are perpetually braced for rejection and betrayal. This can be agonising and often leads them to pick fights for seemingly no reason. This type of self-sabotage is an unconscious attempt to verify the core beliefs that lead to trust issues in the first place, and is extremely destructive.
You don’t like opening up
Confiding in someone else can lessen the psychological pressure of your burdens, hence the old saying “A problem shared is a problem halved.” However, for people with trust issues, it feels more like “a problem shared is information that can be used against me.” If you have a hard time opening up about the things that you’re dealing with, even to close friends or family, it’s worth asking yourself whether you have trust issues, and where they might have come from.
You keep people at arm’s length
Trust issues stem from a fear of vulnerability, and one of the most surefire signs that you have them is a tendency to keep people at arm’s length. Preventing anyone from getting close to you ensures that they can never hurt you, but it also deprives you of the joy that comes from deep, rich connections with others, be they platonic or otherwise.
You don’t like strangers talking to you
For people with trust issues, the world is a scary place filled with people who have nefarious intentions, so it’s not exactly surprising that they don’t like strangers approaching them. While caution is usually sensible, if your guard immediately goes up when someone strikes up a conversation with you at a bar or party, it could point to psychological problems that you need to address.
You’ve been betrayed in the past
Trust issues don’t just spring up out of nowhere; there’s always a root cause, and the most common one of them all is previous betrayals. This could take the form of a partner cheating on you, discovering that your friends have been talking about you behind your back, or someone conning you out of money, to name but a few examples. If your past contains a serious betrayal that left a deep wound on your psyche, there’s a strong chance the scars have taken the form of trust issues.
You were abandoned or neglected as a child
Childhood is the most vulnerable time of a person’s life, as they are completely dependent on their parents or guardians for their literal survival. Consequently, children who experience abandonment or neglect tend to internalise the message that vulnerability is dangerous, often developing extremely pronounced trust issues as a result. Even having distant parents who don’t take an interest in you can lead to the development of self-protective psychological mechanisms that make trusting others extremely difficult.
You can’t forgive people
Having your trust broken by someone close to you is never a nice feeling, but with enough time most people are able to forgive the person who has let them down. Conversely, people with trust issues will find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile with someone who they feel has violated their trust.
You’re always imagining scenarios in which people betray you
If you find yourself constantly going over scenarios in your head that involve betrayals by people close to you, whether they centre on a cheating partner or a credit-stealing coworker, there’s a pretty decent chance you’re struggling with trust issues. Playing through these scenarios in your head is your mind’s way of trying to prepare you for them, but in reality, it will just make you anxious, depressed and likely to preemptively pull away.
You’re overly needy
When people with trust issues do commit to a relationship, the fear of their partner betraying them can become a potent and constant source of anxiety. As a result, they will often seek validation from their partner in an effort to assuage their fears. This generally takes the form of extreme neediness or clinginess, and it can quickly become stifling, ironically increasing the chances of a betrayal.
You struggle to maintain friendships
At their core, friendships are founded on reciprocal vulnerability. Unfortunately, people with trust issues will normally do everything in their power to avoid this vulnerability. This will often lead to them acting distant, especially as the friendship grows deeper, which over time will generally result in the relationship decaying. If you have a hard time keeping friendships alive, stop and consider whether trust issues might be the reason.
You overthink social encounters
People with trust issues are in a constant state of alertness and hypervigilance, especially when it comes to social encounters. If you find yourself relentlessly dwelling on conversations that you’ve had, replaying them over and over and analysing what the other person said, it could be because you’re desperately looking for signs that they weren’t being honest with you.
You feel like you have to do everything yourself
If you never allow other people to help lighten your load, it could be because you have a hard time trusting others and relinquishing control. Unfortunately, this means you’re missing out on one of the best benefits of relationships and friendships. It can also hamper your ability to work successfully within a team, which is likely to harm your career in the long run.
You overshare
This might seem paradoxical, given that trust issues stem from a deep-seated terror of vulnerability, but some people who have a hard time trusting others will actually compulsively overshare, sometimes to an inappropriate degree. This is essentially because they expect rejection to come no matter what, so they share as quickly as possible to “hurry up” the inevitable.
You installed a tracking app on your partner’s phone
This is in the same vein as secretly checking your partner’s phone, but it’s even more extreme and is an even more egregious violation of their privacy. If you feel compelled to furtively install a tracking app on your partner’s phone, you either need to seek professional psychological help or break off the relationship until you have worked through your issues.
You always feel like you’re acting in social situations
People who fear vulnerability will often invest significant effort into ensuring that people never see the real them. As a result, in social situations they will put on a character, acting in a way that they hope will get people to like them. Unfortunately, this often means that they come off as inauthentic or insincere, leading others to distance themselves.
You come across as self righteous
People with trust issues have an extraordinarily difficult time forgiving others for their mistakes. Whilst inwardly this is driven by fear and insecurity, outwardly it can give the impression that they are self-righteous and cold. If you’ve ever been accused of these traits, when you know that in your heart nothing could be further from the truth, then it might be worth examining the ways your trust issues are harming your relationships.
Seeing happy couples triggers unpleasant emotions
Even if they have a hard time showing it, most people who suffer with trust issues secretly crave an intimate, loving relationship. As a result, when they are confronted with the sight of a couple who are genuinely, visibly in love, it can trigger feelings of depression, hopelessness and despair.
You seem to always end up in relationships with untrustworthy people
People with trust issues often seem to end up in relationships with untrustworthy people. While on the surface this may seem counterintuitive, in reality it makes complete sense. By seeking out partners who are likely to betray them, people who struggle with trust can validate the core beliefs that gave rise to their issues in the first place. Until they address those underlying beliefs, this destructive pattern is likely to continue.
People think you’re shallow
If you have trust issues, you will likely find it utterly terrifying to share intimate details about yourself with those around you. As a result, you will probably try to keep conversations at a surface level, even when talking to those closest to you. This fear of getting deep and vulnerable can appear to others as shallowness.
You struggle with being faithful
You might think that, since people with trust issues are so terrified of being betrayed, they would never dream of inflicting their worst fear on their partners. In reality, many people who struggle with trust issues also struggle with fidelity. This is because they live in constant fear of rejection, so they “strike first” before the other person can betray them.
You don’t feel like you deserve a happy relationship
The fear of vulnerability that leads to trust issues often dovetails with feelings of low self-worth. If you feel that, on a fundamental level, you are defective or worthless, then you will desperately try to avoid people seeing the real you, hence the difficulties in letting anyone get close. People with trust issues often believe that their psychological problems preclude them from deserving a happy, healthy relationship.
You’ve been manipulated in the past
Another experience that can trigger trust issues is discovering that you have been manipulated. The more successful the manipulation, the more likely it is to result in psychological issues. Manipulation can come in many forms, but one of the most pernicious is gaslighting, a type of emotional abuse in which someone is gradually made to doubt their own thoughts, experiences and, ultimately, their sanity.
You’re always trying to catch people out
People with trust issues are often unable to shake the conviction that those closest to them are secretly betraying them behind their back and lying about it. Consequently, they will often attempt to “catch out” their partners and friends, trying to get them to make inconsistent statements that will prove they have been dishonest.
You get anxious when your partner goes out without you
One of the greatest fears people with trust issues reckon with is that their partner will cheat on them. This can often result in intense and uncontrollable anxiety when said partner goes out without them, for example to a work party. This anxiety can sometimes be so unbearable that it will cause the person with trust issues to end the relationship prematurely before any infidelity has actually occurred.
You don’t believe your doctor’s diagnoses
Trust issues can be incredibly pervasive, affecting every aspect of a person’s life. For those whose issues tilt towards the extreme end of the spectrum, even trusting a doctor can be impossible. While it’s never a bad idea to get a second opinion, if you find yourself compulsively researching online to try and find evidence that contradicts what your doctor has told you, there’s a decent chance you’re having a response determined by your trust issues.
You smother your partner or friends
When someone with trust issues does form a close relationship, be it platonic or romantic, they will often experience crippling anxiety that the other person will eventually leave them. To try and prevent this from happening, they will often go to excessive lengths to keep their partners around. This unending attention can come off as smothering, which ironically does push people away.
You view relationships as transactional
People with trust issues have a hard time believing that anyone’s intentions or feelings are genuine, so they often tend to view relationships as transactional instead. As a result, they will often try to “buy” their partner’s love, whether through gifts or the way they behave. Unfortunately, this often leads to dissatisfaction for the partner without trust issues, who would rather have a deep, sincere connection.
You trust the wrong people
You often trust people who’ve done nothing to earn your trust and who are more likely to violate it. You want to be able to trust people and to experience the joy of building a trusting relationship. But sometimes you rush into things before you have taken the time to get to know someone well enough. When this happens, you may be disappointed and even blame yourself for trusting too quickly when you should have waited instead.
You avoid talking about the future
When your partner brings up the subject of marriage or children, you feel uneasy and want to change the subject. In your head, you may be expecting the relationship to end soon because everything else in your life seems to end eventually. This kind of belief system can make your relationship toxic. Constantly thinking, “What is the point?” is unhealthy because you do not love yourself enough to be happy with your partner.
You test your partner
If you’re in a relationship and think it needs to be tested, ask yourself why. If you think that testing your relationship is normal, it’s time to reconsider how you view healthy relationships. Testing your partner’s loyalty is the worst thing you can do to your relationship. Creating situations that will cause problems in order to test your partner’s love for you is a sign of trust issues.
You end things first
When you have trust issues, you tend to abandon relationships before they can hurt you. If you stay in the relationship and get hurt, it’ll hurt more than if you’d left voluntarily. Or at least that’s what you think. People with trust issues are afraid of being hurt and tend to leave relationships at the first sign that their partner can’t be trusted.
You bring up the past
If you are often referring to past issues and unresolved problems, it may be that you have trust issues. You may find yourself bringing up those issues because you are unsatisfied with them. Your partner’s actions may remind you of an issue from the past, which could strengthen your present opinion of that situation.
Your monitor their online activity
If you’re in an intimate relationship with someone who’s not physically present, one sign of trust issues may be that you monitor their online activity. You might keep engaging with their posts across all social media platforms, and you might call them some pet names there so that people will know that they have a special someone in their life.
You don’t communicate
You may be pushing your partner away without realizing it. It’s possible that you’re confusing them and making them feel as though something has changed between you when in fact nothing has. Being direct with them about your trust issues could help clear up the confusion, but you could also choose to run away from the problem instead of addressing it head-on.
You experience mood swings
You may find that your feelings about a new love interest are quite contradictory. One day you’re feeling very excited about the relationship, and the next day you’re anxious and uncertain about it. Your partner may feel you are being inconsistent in your emotions regarding your relationship because they can’t understand why you feel so differently from one day to the next.
You’re unfaithful
People who cheat often have trust issues. For example, if you don’t trust your partner to be faithful in a relationship, you might be more likely to cheat on them. When people distrust others, they may use deceitful tactics in their relationships. For example, they may be unfaithful when a relationship starts getting serious because they don’t trust themselves to handle that type of responsibility.
Your relationships are short-lived
If you have trust issues, you may enter into a romantic relationship quickly and with great intensity, but your relationships are short-lived. Once the initial excitement wears off and the relationship becomes more familiar, it’s over for you. You enjoy the thrill of the honeymoon period, but once things begin to settle and get serious your fear settles in and you break it off.
You focus on the negative
People who trust each other and are in healthy relationships tend to see the good in their partners, while those with trust issues usually focus on their partner’s weaknesses rather than strengths. If you often assume the worst about people and notice their weaknesses rather than strengths, that could be a sign that you need to work on your trust issues.
You’re a perfectionist
You’re highly self-motivated and independent, and this isn’t inherently a bad thing. However, it does mean you tend to overwork and entrust yourself with too many tasks because you don’t trust others to get the job done. This can cause problems when you work on a team and have to rely on others to accomplish goals.
Your relationships are surface-level
You prefer to keep your relationships on the surface. You don’t want anyone to see the real you because you fear rejection. You can be the life of the party, the one who’s always ready to laugh and have a good time. But when your true self is revealed, you might push people away because you don’t want to be judged or criticized.
You spy on people
If you’ve been lied to a lot by different people, you might be skeptical of what they say. If someone tells you something about themselves, your first instinct might be to find out if it’s true. You might check their LinkedIn profile to verify their work/education history or look through their photos on social media to see if they’re hiding something.
You were bullied in school
When you were younger, you may have been subjected to physical abuse or other forms of mistreatment from family members, previous partners or others close to you. This kind of treatment may have led you to have trust issues in your present relationships. If you were bullied as a child or teen, this can impact your ability to trust others and make friends today.
Your parents are divorced
If your parents fought a lot when you were growing up, or if they divorced when you were young, it may have left you with trust issues. The relationships you form during your childhood could influence your romantic relationships later on in life, making you suspicious of them, unable to have healthy ones, and always keeping your guard up.
You struggle with mental health
People with trust issues may also suffer from depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, and attachment issues. Trust issues may lead to harmful thoughts, actions and emotions. These can result in unhealthy coping mechanisms that can impact your life. If you struggle with these issues, be sure to seek professional help.
You only see your partners’ flaws
A person who has trust issues is always looking for the bad in people. You don’t see the good in anything and always see the negative side of things. Instead of focusing on what makes your relationship strong, you choose to see your partner’s drawbacks primarily.
You’re a people pleaser
You are happy to give and give, but you expect the same in return. You want to feel that your partners are putting in as much effort as you are, but if they don’t, it makes you anxious. You don’t understand why they aren’t doing their part and so you begin to question whether or not you can trust them.
You overreact when you don’t hear from them
When you text or call someone, you want them to respond quickly. If they don’t, you might start to worry, wondering if they’re OK or if they’ve been in an accident of some kind. You might even imagine that they’re breaking up with you and are trying to avoid telling you about it because they know you won’t take it well.
You’re always in ‘fight or flight’
Fight or flight mode is a survival state of mind that is triggered when you are faced with a difficult situation – often an emotional one. Because you don’t trust anyone, you might have the constant urge to either fight for yourself or run away, but this can make you feel confused and unsure of what to do next.
You can’t control your behaviour
When you have not dealt with your trust issues, you may find yourself in relationships where your behaviour is irrational. You may be aware that snooping and panicking are not productive behaviours, but even with this awareness, you find yourself unable to keep from behaving this way.
You compare yourself to others
You may show your partner a picture of someone you think is more attractive and ask if they would rather date her than you. Your insecurity makes you fear that they would probably find someone better and are constantly on the lookout for someone else, but this comes from a lack of self-esteem.
You need others to confirm the truth
One thing that clearly indicates you have trust issues is if you are always suspicious of your partner’s actions. You might contact their other colleagues to find out if they were indeed working overtime, or call your partner’s friends so you can speak with them about where your partner is.
You under-share
Do you know the difference between oversharing and under-sharing? Over-sharers talk too much about themselves, while under-sharers keep everything to themselves. You might not want to talk about your problems, but it’s important that you do. You will feel better once you’ve shared your feelings with someone who cares about you.
You have low self-esteem
To put it simply, self-esteem is the way you feel about yourself. It determines your level of confidence, which affects how well you do in life and relationships. When you have low self-esteem, everything goes downhill. It can be hard to form a lasting relationship when you feel insecure about yourself. If you project your insecurities onto your partner, it will eventually strain the relationship.
You’ve experienced trauma
Trauma or abuse can make us lose faith in ourselves and others. If past experiences have taught you that people are not always reliable, you may be suspicious of those who want to be close to you. This can cause problems in your relationships with loved ones, who feel shut out by your need for space or who feel rejected when you withdraw from them.
You bring up their ex
It’s healthy to talk about your partner’s past relationships, but only if they bring it up. When your partner talks about an old flame, try not to make it a big deal or an issue that needs to be resolved. It’s normal for people to have exes who come up in conversation once in a while.
Your partner isn’t allowed any personal space
All of us need a little space now and then. Your personal space is where you can kick back and relax, away from the pressures of the world. If you don’t give your partner enough privacy and freedom to do what he or she wants, you might drive them away.
You allow your partner to make all the decisions
If you want to have a healthy relationship, both partners need to make an effort, take risks and share the responsibility. If one person puts all the responsibility on the other person’s shoulders, it can lead to codependency. You may think that letting your partner make all the decisions will keep them happy, but that’s not likely to be the case.
