Approach problems as a team
Fighting is inevitable in any relationship, but the key to making things work long term is to approach arguments the right way. Couples who have been together for a long time advise seeing any and all problems as obstacles for both partners to tackle together, as opposed to things that position each person against the other. No problem should be just one person’s domain.
Let the mystery remain
While keeping the honeymoon phase going forever is an impossibility in any long-term relationship, working hard to maintain a little bit of romance is well worth the effort. Whether that means having two bathrooms, not clipping your toenails on the sofa in front of the TV, or just not leaving socks all over the floor, respecting the mystery also means treating your partner with courtesy.
Some tasks are better tackled separately
Being in a serious relationship means being in a two-person team that tackles everything from washing up to taxes together, but that doesn’t mean that every job needs to be approached as a duo. As one wise couple said, “Never hang wallpaper together.” Meaning: know when a task is likely to enrage you more when worked on together rather than separately.
Go to bed angry… but together
One common relationship adage is “never go to bed angry” and, while this does have its merits, it’s not a universally applicable rule. Sometimes, trying to hash out an issue before bed when both parties are tired and cranky can just exacerbate the problem. Instead, experienced couples advocate for going to bed and holding hands, to reassure the other that they are loved regardless.
Don’t ask your partner to read minds
When you’ve been with your partner a long time, sometimes all it takes is a glance at a party or a raised eyebrow at a family dinner, and you know exactly what they want without the need for words. However, assuming your partner can always read your mind is a recipe for discontent and unmet expectations, so always communicate your wants and needs out loud.
Accept that it won’t be 50/50
Even in the most equitable partnership in the world, there will be times when you need to take on more of the relationship’s workload than your partner, and times when you need them to pick up the slack for you in return. Couples with decades of experience know that with deaths, financial struggles, health concerns and more, relationships are about constantly shifting give and take.
Never stop dating each other
Most people think of relationships as existing on a linear timeline of dating to marriage to kids to mutual retirement. However, the trick to having a love that lasts a lifetime, according to those who have actually done it, is to never stop dating your partner. Making space for small moments of romance, surprise flowers, weekends away and time spent alone with each other is essential.
Always find the fun
As your relationship grows and ages over time, it’s likely to get more serious and sombre, as commitments like taxes, home ownership and kids get involved. With that said, if you want love as strong as when you first got together with your partner, you have to keep some of the fun from those early days too. At least according to those with experience!
Treat your partner like you would a friend
Loving your partner is key to a healthy, long-term relationship, but liking your partner goes a long way too. Couples who have been together for decades stress the importance of remembering everything your significant other is to you: co-parent, partner, roommate and friend. Essentially, you should give your partner as much encouragement, grace and independence as you would your best bud.
Get two TVs
“Get two TVs” might sound like glib, almost gleefully banal advice, but it actually gestures towards something universal. Though you should enjoy sharing your life with your partner and having new experiences together, you should also have your own hobbies and interests that you pursue independently. Basically: just because your partner loves football, doesn’t mean you have to love it too!
