Totally changing your look
In TV and movies, the bad breakup haircut is an often seen symbol of a very messy relationship split. However, even if things ended totally amicably between you and your partner, it’s normal to want to shake things up and rediscover what makes you happy in the weeks following the break. This could mean a new hair colour, a tattoo or a cart full of new clothes.
Social media stalking
Social media stalking isn’t the most mature and well-adjusted way to behave, but let’s face it, almost everyone has done it. In the days immediately following a breakup, when feelings are at their most raw and painful, it’s understandable to want to check your ex’s Instagram story for signs that they’re struggling and hurting too.
Having a cry
Crying into a pint of chocolate ice cream after a split is a cliche, but it’s referenced over and over again in media for a reason. Though it might be tempting to skip the sobbing stage altogether in an effort to convince yourself you’re done processing and totally fine, it’s healthy to grieve your squandered relationship hopes and the future you’d imagined before moving on.
Re-evaluating your goals
Sometimes, the silver lining of a difficult break-up comes in the form of clarity, which allows you to see the ways in which your life is failing to live up to your hopes and expectations. If when newly single you suddenly experience a desire to prioritise your career, start a side-hustle or begin saving to get on the property ladder, that’s totally normal.
Rereading old texts
No matter whether you were the one to end things or not, it’s normal to be flooded with nostalgia and uncertainty in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. This can lead many people to play detective and reread old texts, Instagram posts or Facebook image captions in search of clues that the relationship was doomed from the get-go.
Blocking your ex
While some people will become a dedicated watcher of their ex’s posts following a breakup, it’s equally common to want to create as much distance as possible between yourself and your former partner. It’s understandable and even healthy to want to prevent the agony of seeing what they’re getting up to post-split, so blocking your ex is completely normal post-breakup behavior.
Letting some chores slide
The first few hours and days after a split are the hardest, so you should cut yourself all kinds of slack during this period. If you subsist primarily on takeout Chinese food and delivery pizza, and let the dishes pile high in the sink for a few days, that’s OK. Similarly, no one would blame you for putting off changing the sheets or doing laundry.
Focusing on fitness
Working out after a split simply in order to get a “revenge body” and make your ex regret leaving is definitely not healthy behavior. However, exercise can be a great way to reconnect with your body and show yourself grace and kindness during a difficult time. In that way, hitting the gym after a break-up is a completely healthy impulse.
Questioning your decisions
Going through a breakup can be a pretty destabilising experience, not least because you likely lose one of the main people you turn to in periods of strife, during an incredibly stressful time. Many people cope with this sudden loss of security by questioning all the decisions they made in the lead-up to the split, wondering if they could have acted differently to prevent the breakup.
Leaning on friends
The longer and more serious the relationship, the more the subsequent breakup can leave you reeling. Nevertheless, one thing all splits have in common is that they leave you feeling in need of love and validation. That’s why one of the healthiest things you can do in the aftermath of a breakup is make plans to hang out with cherished family and friends.
Riding a rollercoaster of mood swings
OK, not the same ballpark, but some say that the breakup of a relationship takes you through the same cycle of emotions as a bereavement. This rollercoaster of ups and downs can include shock and denial, feelings of guilt and despair and even anger. Then there are the times you feel OK and maybe even liberated or happy. All pretty tiring.
Overindulging on treats
Sometimes you go through a breakup and your best friend is your refrigerator. Or freezer. Or the cookie jar. Heck, sometimes all of them. Your heart is broken and the only thing that makes you feel a tiny bit less awful is filling your face. Totally normal to reach for that extra brownie.
Losing your appetite
It might sound unlikely to some, but there are occasions when you are so utterly miserable that your appetite has fallen off a proverbial cliff. Breakups can do that for sure, so if you just don’t feel up to a full meal, don’t twist yourself into knots over it.
Watching weepy movies
If you’re properly down in the dumps, seeing happy or funny things can be unbearable. All you want to do is wallow in your misery, and so watching endless sad movies seems the only way to go. If it makes your breakup less awful, go for it.
Clearing out sentimental items
Even with the most emphatic breakups, there are things your ex has left behind for whatever reason. One completely natural reaction is to want as few reminders as possible, so old photographs, gifts they gave you, things you bought on vacation together – all of that goes into a box for another day, or maybe even to a thrift store.
Sleeping together after you’ve split
Wowsers, this one is a doozie – but all too often you find yourself hooking up with your ex despite your separation. The familiarity, the (likely false) hope that it might lead to a reunion, the fact that you probably still have feelings for them… whatever the reason, it’s almost always best avoided, but it is totally normal.
Starting a breakup journal
It might be something you never thought about doing before, and it might only last for the most intense few days and weeks, but you might feel a need to write down your thoughts and feelings post-breakup. It can certainly feel cathartic and it can help you work through the healing process. We all need closure.
Doing something spontaneous and out of character
It goes without saying that when you’ve just split with your partner, you won’t be feeling your normal self. So it’s totally understandable that you might act out of character and do something unexpected. A skydive or bungee jump, for example. Maybe hold off on that full sleeve tattoo, though.
Staying home all the time
Whether you and your ex had an amazing social life or whether you were sofa buddies, post-breakup you might want to hide away from the world in the safety of your own space. That’s totally natural when you’re in the aftermath of a split – just remember there is life after a relationship.
Playing sad songs over and over
You might find that after your breakup, you have a compulsion to listen to certain songs that suit your mood on replay. They may not be sad, specifically – they might be angry, full of anguish or something that you’d never put on normally, but if this is what helps you, do it.
Being unable to let go of certain items
Even though you know in your head that you and your ex have split, that doesn’t mean your heart follows the same logic – if any. Sometimes you can’t bear (no pun intended) to say goodbye to certain items that remind you of your ex. It might not make any sense, but that’s sometimes the way you have to roll.
Constantly talking about your ex
Whilst nobody would deny the benefits of talking it out, there comes a point where people – however close they are to you – might not want to hear you talking about your ex anymore. You might even find that you’re boring yourself – it can get that bad. Those who love you will tell you to your face though, or ride it out.
Making rash and impulsive purchases
It is well known that when you buy something you want, it gives you a little endorphin rush. That thrill of spending or acquiring prompts a dopamine release, which feels good. So it makes sense that you want to cheer yourself up after a breakup. It’s unfortunate that the purchases aren’t always considered though.
Repeatedly checking your phone for messages
It’s OK to lose the plot a bit when you’re riding out that breakup storm. It can be all too tempting to keep on checking your phone, email or Instagram inbox, whatever it may be, for any communication from your ex. It happens a lot – it becomes a bit of a compulsion, but it will pass.
Partying more than before
If you’re going through that part of the breakup where you’re relishing the freedom to go out when you like, you can end up overdoing it. That desire to pretend you’re OK, to yourself and to others, can lead you to burn the candle at both ends. Just know that it’s a phase and you’ll find your balance again.
Not wanting to get out of bed
Some breakups can completely wreck you, to the point where even getting out of bed seems too much. When the comfort of your most private space is the only place you can face, that’s OK – for the first few days, at least. Those feelings are valid.
Attempting a reconciliation with your ex
You might hit a period of time where you’re confident you can win your ex back, or that they might want to try again now you’ve had a change of heart. Having said that, whether it was your choice or theirs to break up, the odds are that if you’ve already split, a reunion isn’t likely.
Feeling like your heart is physically broken
Have you ever heard of Broken Heart Syndrome? It’s a thing. Really. Brought on by such traumatic events as a bereavement or the end of a relationship, the pain in your chest feels like cardiac arrest – but without the blocked arteries. It’s the physical effect of the emotional stress of your breakup. So don’t berate yourself.
Hitting up old vices or bad habits
Temptation is hard to resist when you’ve split with a partner, and some of those are pretty bad vices (we’ve all got them). Sometimes you might go back to something you had given up for your ex, like smoking or drinking, but rest assured, that won’t fix your broken heart. In fact, you might regret lapsing back to what you worked so hard to give up.
Smashing stuff out of anger
Sure, breakups can fill you so full of rage and hatred for a time that you might have an irresistable desire to smash the heck out of something. Maybe lots of things. Crockery, glassware, anything fragile that will give you that sense of destruction. It’s not the wisest idea, but it’s a normal reaction after a breakup.
Having your mom mollycoddle you
No matter how long you’ve been adulting, once your mama hears that you’re dealing with a breakup, she will want to comfort you. That normally means cooking up your childhood favorites, calling to check on you and maybe even insisting you come stay for a spell. Whether or not it’s welcome, it’s pretty much nailed on.
Badmouthing your ex to shared friends
It’s a common problem when you’ve split up – the shared friendships, and those friends are either having to choose one of you over the other or tolerate hearing both sides of the story whilst remaining diplomatic and supportive. It’s a slippery slope from talking up your point of view to just being rude and unpleasant about your ex, though.
Rebounding too quickly
It seems like such a good idea at the time – freshly single, you’re out on the town and you get chatting to a hottie. But honestly, rebounding into bed with a stranger, no matter how attractive and charming, won’t make you feel any better the next morning. Plus it’s likely to be awkward.
Functioning on autopilot
As absurd is this might sound, it does happen, especially to men, after a breakup. You go numb in order to protect yourself during a painful time, and just get on with the routine parts as if you’re a total automaton. It will pass in time, but while you’re riding it out, appreciate how useful functioning can be.
Struggling to make decisions (even little ones)
Unquestionably, a breakup will shake your world up. Even if you weren’t as invested in the relationship as your ex, the sudden shift to being single again is a change in the dynamics of your life. That can make even the simplest of choices seem like a hurdle. Do you want a sandwich or a bagel? Do you wear a sweater or a hoodie? Breakups can amplify every decision.
Trying to make your ex jealous
Not a pleasant thought, but it’s not unheard of – you are so consumed by your breakup that you try to make them jealous. Whether that’s from flirting with one of their mates or by being seen out having fun (and actively pushing it on them), trying to turn your ex into the green-eyed monster is not cool. Understandable maybe, but so not cool.
People may tell you what your ex is up to
This one could be very tiresome and upsetting. Family, friends, shared connections… any of them might relay to you what they have seen or heard about your ex and what they’re up to now. From the minutiae of their life to the heartwrenching stuff like a new partner, any kind of update could rock the boat of your post-breakup recovery. Be warned.
Wreaking havoc to your ex’s property
Woah! Not a responsible way to behave, but sometimes love – and breakups – can make you crazy. Scientists have found that the brains of those who have been dumped are active in regions linked with profound addiction. No wonder you might feel like wreaking havoc on your ex’s phone/car/house etc. You’re in withdrawal.
Your skin might get worse
As if you’re not suffering enough already, it’s a known thing – a breakup breakout. The stress you’re feeling literally brings you out in zits. It’s down to the cortisol from your split, and that could also – really – cause more hair loss than normal. Oh, fantastic. Like everything though, it will pass.
Trying to bump into them everywhere
Don’t use the excuses of convenience or habit to keep going back to the places you used to go with your ex. OK, you might feel entitled to carry on going to the same grocery store or coffee shop, but really it’s just prolonging the agony. Pick a new place to get your groceries, your favorite Chinese food or whatever, and help yourself to move on.
