You don’t listen when other people talk
For a conversation to be valuable and nourishing, both parties need to talk and listen in equal measure. If you give the illusion of being invested in what your friend is saying but are actually just waiting for your turn to talk, then that’s a sign that you feel your time and thoughts are more inherently valuable than other people’s.
You find it hard to celebrate the accomplishments of others
Everyone’s idea of success looks different. While it’s normal to compare yourself when a friend wins a promotion, gets engaged or announces that they’re having a baby, you shouldn’t feel bitterness or like your friend is undeserving. If you do, then maybe you need to unpack that impulse with a professional.
You never return the favor
One mark of a bad friend and a bad person is that they aren’t afraid to ask for help from their friends and family when they need it, but seem to vanish into thin air when it comes time to return the favor. If you mysteriously have plans whenever someone else needs a catsitter, a ride from the airport or emergency bus money, think about why that is.
You secretly like it when friends are having a hard time
In any normal friendship or relationship, a person you love going through something terrible should fill you with empathy and an altruistic desire to help. If you like it when friends, partners or family are struggling, because it makes you feel needed and like a hero when you swoop in to help, or just because you enjoy others’ suffering, that’s a seriously bad sign.
You try to make your gossip seem totally justified
Most people know that gossiping is bad manners, but that doesn’t stop truly bad people from doing it constantly. If you find yourself trying to frame your gossiping as the airing of legitimate grievances at home, with friends or in the workplace, then that means you have some manipulative tendencies that you should work on. Especially if you avoid responsibility when your gossip hurts others.
You never warm up to any of your friends’ partners
It’s totally normal to be protective of your close friends and to want the best for them, and it’s even pretty common to disapprove of their romantic partners now and again. However, if you find yourself nitpicking every date your friend ever brings around, then it’s worth asking who the common denominator is. Be honest: are you just trying to prevent your friend from finding happiness?
You find forgiving hard and forgetting even harder
No one is perfect, and so many people will hold on to a grudge for slightly longer than is appropriate every once in a while. However, if you’re still pouring fuel onto the fire of several feuds that have been going on for months or even years, then it’s possible you just like the feeling that being vindicated and in the right gives you.
You’re always full of excuses
There is no one on Earth that has never made a mistake or acted like a bad friend, partner or family member before. The difference between a good person and a bad one is how they respond after messing up. If it never occurs to you to apologize or change your behavior, even when you know you were solidly in the wrong, that’s a toxic trait.
You enable other people’s bad behavior
Everyone has at least one friend who always takes things too far, never knowing when enough is enough and pushing others to take things to extremes too. If you don’t have a friend or acquaintance like that, then chances are you are that person. While cutting loose is fine and even healthy, if you encourage your friends to do things you know they’ll regret, you’re a bad person.
You feel consumed by jealousy and envy
To a certain extent, jealousy and envy are good emotions to feel. Not only do they motivate you to work harder, but they can even illuminate things when you’re on the wrong path or not exactly sure what you want. Constant jealousy, resentment, and bitterness, on the other hand, is a sign of low self-worth at best, or a permanent victim complex at worst.
You think you deserve people’s attention
While everyone loves attention, some people take it too far. Despite the fact that other people have their own lives, own interests, and own plans, you believe that your life is more important and so everyone must pay attention to you. It’s a very selfish viewpoint to think you deserve people’s attention and shows that you’re even just a little bit self-obsessed.
You refuse to take accountability
Saying sorry is hard. Owning up to your mistakes and actually taking accountability for what you have done wrong can be even harder. But just throwing the word ‘sorry’ out isn’t good enough a lot of the time and actions speak louder than words. So if you refuse to actually change up your life or look within yourself, maybe you are a bad person.
You’re only friends with people for what they can provide
Friends will often help each other out. In fact, part of being a member of a community is being able to rely on your friends and help each other through tricky times. However, if you chose your friends based on what they can offer you (skills, money, time, resources, etc.) then you’re not actually being a friend.
You take criticism as a personal attack
It’s often scary to approach a friend and let them know something they do hurts you. Oftentimes when a friend comes to you with a little criticism it’s because they want to maintain that relationship and keep you in their life, not to hurt you. Seeing it as an attack on your character is overly defensive and ignores the true intent of the conversation.
You make comments on people’s appearance
Remember these immortal words of advice: If it’s not something they can fix in five minutes, don’t mention it. It can be super helpful to point out when your friend has something between their teeth, but pointing out something they can’t change is just cruel and will often just embarrass them. It’s not the move of a nice person.
You mistreat animals
Perhaps this is an obvious sign that you’re a bad person, but the way people treat animals is very telling. You don’t even have to abuse animals for your actions serve as a red flag. If you get angry when a friend has to skip coffee to walk their dog, or wants you to say hi to their elderly cat, it’s time to reflect.
You don’t care about the environment
The way you treat the space around you can be a big insight into the way you view the world. No one loves a litterer. It’s an entitled action that reflects a self-obsessed viewpoint in which you’re the only person who matters. You don’t have to be a tree hugger to be a good person, but treating the environment better is a great start.
You only talk about yourself
You’re the most important person in your own life (and for good reason too, you’re the only person you’ll have to live with for the entirety of it) but that doesn’t mean you have to be the most important person in every conversation you have. Railroading chats with friends to tell them about your latest Tinder date just makes you look rude.
You tell little lies all the time
Sometimes little white lies are needed. If your grandmother asks you how the very stale cookies are, it’s best to just smile and tell her they’re great. But consistently lying about everything separates you from the people in your life, and you’ll become someone people can’t trust. Little white lies can spiral so see how the truth tastes instead.
You always see yourself as ‘blunt’
Yes, occasionally people need the honest truth even if it hurts them. Constantly ‘telling it how it is’ or sharing your harsh opinion can just be mean though. It’s often used as a justification for people to be controlling or rude. Next time you feel the urge to give your two cents, maybe think about softening the blow at least a little.
All your exes are ‘crazy’
One of the biggest red flags that someone you’re looking to date may not be a good person is if all their exes are ‘crazy’. Once is sad, twice is a coincidence, three times and you start to question who is telling the truth here. If all your exes are crazy perhaps it’s time to start thinking about the common denominator in these situations.
You assume the worst in everyone
The world can often seem dark and it’s easy to take in all the bad news and become a little pessimistic about humankind. But when you’re forming relationships with people, constantly assuming the worst in them can mean that you can’t make genuine connections, or you’re more likely to impose bad intentions on their actions.
You constantly give passive-aggressive insults
“Not to be rude but…”, “You look so good for your age”, and “Bless your little heart” are all passive-aggressive insults that can mark you out as being a bad person. Dropping these insults in front of people means that whoever they’re directed towards can’t reply back without being seen as overly emotional and it can hurt their self-esteem in the long run.
You can’t keep anyone in your life for long
Sometimes it takes a little self-reflection to realize that there are signs in your life that you’re perhaps not the best person. One of these signs is that you don’t have any friends that you’ve known for an extended period. If you find that you can’t keep friends for long it’s time to consider whether you’re the issue.
You often cross boundaries
Regardless of how close you are to people, you have to respect the boundaries they’ve set. Whether they are personal, professional, or intimate boundaries, crossing these boundaries proves that you believe your wants and needs are more important than the other person’s – exposing your selfishness and hurting those in your life.
You share private information often
Being trusted with a secret is a wonderful thing. It’s a sign that the people in your life trust you and want to share things with you. Betraying that trust, however, is a major indicator that you don’t respect or care about the person who chose to share it with you. Keep your mouth zipped, and remember that secrets are secrets for a reason.
You’re incapable of reflecting
Reflecting is a part of growth. It’s so important to be able to consider your actions and use that reflection to become a better person. If you find yourself struggling to think “What did I do wrong?”, “Why was it wrong”, and “What can I do in the future?”, then perhaps you need a little professional help to be a better person.
You’re rude to the waitstaff
How you treat people in the service industry is a huge indicator of how you are as a person. Good people tend to understand if there’s a wait, say thank you to their waiters, tip well, and never act like they’re better than those serving them. People in the service industry are people too and deserve to be treated with respect.
You constantly try to prove you’re a good person
Never trust anyone who tells you over and over what a great person they are. Trying to reinforce that narrative by reiterating it seems like a defensive move, and it’s likely that those who are shouting the loudest are just trying to hide or cover something up. Let your action speak louder than words. If you’re a good person, people will see.
You’re always interrupting others
While dominating the conversation and talking about yourself can be an indicator of a rude person, constantly interrupting your friend can be an even bigger sign of someone narcissistic or selfish. It sends the message that you don’t actually care about what the other person is trying to say, and that you believe you’re more important than them.
You dump on your friends emotionally
This one can be tricky. While sharing your hardships with those close to you can be a way of connecting and soothing your troubles, emotionally dumping on your friends and family can let them know you care more about your mental state than theirs. Just a simple check-in before a tricky conversation can help you become a better person.
You’re positive in a toxic way
Positive people are great! We all want to be around those who encourage us to look on the bright side. However, this can become an issue when this toxic positivity is forced upon you when you’re trying to share a difficult time or work through a tricky situation. It can feel like your issues aren’t important or that it’s not okay to not be okay.
You never show your real self
Never showing your true self can be a sign of being a bad person even if it’s not purposeful. Hiding your true feelings, gossiping about others behind their back, and not revealing your true intentions can all be aspects of your personality that can drive people away and expose manipulative or treacherous tendencies.
You never show up
Sometimes the most important thing you can do for those around you is just show up. Are they hosting a big birthday party? Show up. Do they need a cuddle after a breakup? Show up. Are they moving house and need a hand? Show up. Refusing to be a consistent part of their lives demonstrates flakiness and a self-centered nature.
You’re super negative
The world isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and it’s okay to be sad. But when you are constantly looking for malicious intent, assuming the worst, and pointing out the negatives of the situation, you are bringing everyone down with you. Tainting every celebration or piece of good news with negativity is just a mean act and you’ll lose pals quickly.
You run away from responsibilities
While you may get far if you see the world as a solo game, you’re not likely to make many friends along the way. Shirking your responsibilities, and refusing to see anything as a group task may seem like a sensible option but it’s not fair for the others involved. Next time a relationship fails, consider if you felt any responsibility for maintaining it.
You refuse to change
Change is a part of life. It can be a beautiful thing and while it’s scary at times, it’ll make you into a better person. If you’re constantly running from change or refusing to accept that there are parts of yourself you could improve, you’ll never grow or evolve. Thinking you’re above change because you’re perfect isn’t just rude; it’s also misguided.
You find vulnerability cheesy
You may think that the way you view the world around you doesn’t impact the way people see you, but think again. Your unwillingness to appreciate authenticity and the emotional displays of others will make people feel uncomfortable sharing that with you, and it can lead others to believe you’re uncaring, harsh, and rude.
You phrase everything as a joke
On one hand, phrasing everything as a joke may seem innocuous, and even suggest that you have a good sense of humor. On the other hand, it sends a message that you can’t (and don’t want to) take anything seriously, which can imply that you aren’t engaged with the emotions of those around you. This, in turn, can make you a bad person.
You’re always sarcastic
How do you know you’ve crossed the line from being sassy to just being mean? Well, if you can’t have one conversation without resorting to sarcasm then you might have left that line behind you in the dust. Mocking the people closest to you is a surefire way to ensure you have no friends left, so maybe take things seriously once in a while.
You have a huge sense of self-importance
You think the world revolves around you and that everybody else is just extras and supporting characters. A bad person cannot fathom a social circle in which they aren’t the top dog, especially one in which they may actually be at the bottom of the pecking order.
You are apolitical
Not all apolitical people are bad, but it’s not a promising sign. To actively avoid politics at any cost suggests there is no social cause worth your time or consideration. And when those social causes involve equality and justice, it gives others the impression that you care about nothing and no one.
You are judgemental
You love putting people down and finding the bad in them, subconsciously training yourself to do the same. This way of thinking can lead to an increase in stress, and stress can weaken the immune system, causing high blood pressure, fatigue, depression, anxiety and in some extreme cases, strokes.
You are passive aggressive
Do you prefer silent treatment to confrontation? You may be passive-aggressive, a telltale sign of a bad person. Passive aggressive people are not direct with their interactions and express negative and hurtful emotions without vocalising them. This is something that can start out small and end drastically big.
You have a reputation
We all know someone whose mere name elicits a roll of the eye or groan. As the golden rule goes, if you don’t know someone like that, that someone is you. Having such a bad reputation that the abstract concept of you alone is enough to strike fear and dread in people will come between you and so many positive things in life.
You are not successful at work
An old saying reminds us that, in order to move up in the world, it’s not about what you know, but who you know. If you find you’re constantly being passed up for opportunities or promotions despite being perfectly qualified, assess your attitude. Nobody wants to work with someone who will fill up the office with bad vibes.
You speak in platitudes
What you see is what you get! Take me or leave me! There’s a reason you’ve never seen an economist or theoretical physicist say, “I tell it like it is!” It’s what stupid (and bad) people say. If you can’t articulate or properly defend your actions without cliche, your emotional range is severely limited.
You have no idea you’re a bad person
Often, bad people have no absolutely no idea they are bad people because they’re so self-involved they can’t conceive of a different point of view. Hell, often when you tell a bad person they’re a bad person, they still don’t believe it. If you’re exhausting people with your disbelief at their accusations, you need to check yourself.
You root for the villains
Do you root for Voldemort? Darth Vader? The Joker? Michael Myers? Rachel’s Paris job in Friends’ season ten? You may be a bit of a villain yourself. We all like a strong villain in our media, but to see nothing wrong with said villain’s motives or actions is a worrying trait.
You’re a taker, never the giver
By giving to others, we not only make them feel closer to us, but we feel closer to them. Giving creates feelings of gratitude, linked to happiness, good health and a lively social life. If you find yourself never returning the favour when people offer you their time and generosity, then you’re a piece of work.
Everybody cancels on you
Nobody wants to hang out with the bad guy, stinking up the vibe and driving everyone away. Bad people struggle to arrange events or parties, or even just a casual meetup, thanks to alienating every person they’ve met and worked with. Keep an eye out for how many people decline your invites or flat-out ignore them.
People seek you out for vengeful tips
When people are wronged by those close to them, they’re tempted to get back at them. But how do you go about that when it’s not in your nature? You seek out the worst, most amoral person you know. Be sure to watch out for any such requests from friends or acquaintances. This is definitely not a compliment.
You litter
Littering is just aesthetically bad. It completely harms the environment. Your mindless disposal of items can lead to the stress and starvation of animals who crawl into bottles and jars. Plastic bags regularly cause the deaths of birds and fish in the sea.
You surround yourself with yes-men
A bad person who wants to spend their time doing and saying bad things aren’t going to surround themselves with people who fundamentally disagree. They’re gonna round up other bad people who egg them on, who encourage their worst behaviour. Make sure this isn’t, at any point, you.
You are an absolutist
Absolutists are never fun to be around. A person afflicted with such a mindset may view situations, people, or the wider world, with binary “good or bad” thinking. They may have one bad experience with someone and label them as the worst person in the world, even after they’d apologized.
You are lazy
Lazy people are almost never team players, and therefore likely to be undesirable, bad people. A lazy person lacks inspiration, motivation and drives, dodging tasks because they either can’t be bothered to, or don’t want to, often both. Be careful to avoid these types like the plague, lest they drag you down with them.
You aren’t generous
Bad people keep forks in their sugar jars. Want a friend who’ll treat you to dinner now and again? Don’t turn to the tight-fisted. Isolate the friends you have who often refuse to tip waiting staff and slowly cut them out of your life.
You are cynical
Cynics assume the worst about everything. They are exhausting and insufferable to be around, especially when their cynicism seeps into the social sphere. According to the cynic, friendly stranger can be a friendly stranger – they must have an ulterior motive. The cynic can never take people at face value.
People feel strange around you
Sometimes, a person’s bad qualities aren’t immediately apparent. Sometimes, a person can just make you feel “off.” This one’s hard to notice unless you go and ask everyone you meet, “How do you feel in my presence?” Refrain from this. It will make you look way, way worse.
You have a double life
Bad people never reveal their true lives to those around them. Leading a double life may actually be an understatement. They can often lead hundreds. Bad people change their personalities depending on what they want and when. If someone can be manipulated by compliments, the bad person in their life will become the most complimentary human on earth.
You never give credit
People need praise sometimes. Bad people don’t realise that complimenting others is not just a good thing to do, but a positive reflection of yourself. It shows that you have the ability to celebrate the triumphs of those you know (or don’t). Giving credit where credit is due isn’t a weakness, it’s a sign of maturity.
You never call your parents
Sure, it’s easy to do, but being grateful and respectful to your parents is a wonderful thing. Life gets in the way a lot, as do other people, but good people know that there’s always time to spare in which they can give their parents a call and let them know how they’re doing. Bad people tend not to do this, as showing gratitude seems soft.
You have bad etiquette
Whether it be holding the door open for others, waiting until everyone has their food to eat or giving up your seat for a pregnant woman, good manners never fall out of fashion. Unless you’re a bad person. In that case, they never were in fashion and never will be. Make sure you’re not struggling to get by on simple pleases and thank you’s.
You have no integrity
Good people often have strong values, which they maintain no matter what pain or trauma life throws at them. They work hard to try their best in all areas of life. Bad people have little to no values and lack the strength to pull themselves out of sticky situations. Lacking integrity makes you unappealing to just about everyone.
You deny your flaws
A good-hearted, kind person knows they aren’t perfect. They fess up to their mistakes, admit they’ve done something wrong and work to fix it. Additionally, they work at not making the same mistake again. A bad-hearted person denies any such flaws and often wags the finger at anyone but themselves.
You never remember what people say
Good people actively listen to what people say because they’re interested. Conversations aren’t something to be endured but enjoyed. By remembering details, they leave a positive impression on others. Bad people will “yeah” and “that’s crazy” their way through every interaction.
You’re not nice to yourself
They might not realize it, but bad people are not nice to themselves, probably out of self-loathing. For instance, a bad person may binge drink because they don’t have any respect for their body or reputation. A good person is always courteous to themselves. You have to love yourself in order to love another!
You stink up a room
If you’ve ever walked into a room and heard a record scratch, you’re probably not the greatest social presence. Bad people can turn a party atmosphere into a funeral atmosphere surprisingly fast. Watch out for people tensing up around you or talking differently. They’re not intimidated, they’re uncomfortable.
You make bad first impressions
We all have friends who aren’t the best with first impressions, whether that be due to nerves or social faux pas. Then we have those rare friends who we don’t introduce to anyone if we can help it, such is their awful reputation. Bad people will insult or offend new people, mostly accidentally, but sometimes purposely.
They never go the extra mile
A bad person will complete a task (just about) and call it quits compared to a good person, who will often go the extra mile and work that little bit harder. At the end of a good party, a bad person won’t waste their time hanging around to help clean up the mess they contributed to. They don’t understand the importance of going the extra mile.
